Hey, how’s it going, fellas? My name is Juliann Baloran, also known by my gaming username LunaticTactician. I’m a 22-year-old Filipino college student studying Multimedia Studies at the University of the Philippines Open University (UPOU).
So I figured it’s better to separate the important information from talking about who I am as a person. Thankfully, talking about myself is what I’m gonna do in this post.
Backstory
Birth and Family Basics
I was born on July 10, 1999 in Metro Manila, the capital of the Philippines, where I currently live and have lived for the vast majority of my life.
My mother is the current owner of a bakery franchise and manager at our general store where I regularly work and sell biscuits, among other odds and ends.
My father is an oceanographer: someone who studies the oceans.
I have two brothers: an older one who I’ll call “Big Beautiful Man” who is an engineer and interior designer, and a younger one named Ivann who is an aspiring lawyer.
Ivann runs a blog too; it’s mainly about politics.
Childhood
I was diagnosed with Asperger’s syndrome since birth. I had difficulty making friends but I was remarkably intelligent compared to many of my classmates from preschool to elementary school, as well as third-year high school.
I played my first video game, Pokémon Crystal, when I was 4 years old. I also grew up with the Pokémon anime which was regularly shown on Cartoon Network.
I remember writing two short stories at 6 years old: one about “the ultimate basketball challenge” and the other being about a bunch of multicolored plastic keys. (I don’t remember the content in them, however.)
I also wrote a breakfast-themed parody of “12 Days of Christmas”. I remember putting in “packs of Oreo” (not sure how many; maybe 12?), “11 chicken nuggets”, and “a bowl of delicious cereals”, but nothing else.
Perhaps those written works were the first steps towards making my blog.
Dark and Troubled Past
From 3rd grade to 4th grade plus 7th grade to 8th grade, I was a chaotic evil school bully. I was so bored of not having friends that I often roamed around and made sudden angry outbursts at even minor mistakes.
I was addicted to the Facebook game Pet Society in 3rd and 4th grades and was desperate to have friends who were just as dedicated to the game as I was, even expecting them to give me gifts in return for what I sent them. Those return gifts didn’t happen…but, oh well, life priorities, amirite? (intentional Internet slang)
Because my parents got sick and tired of my teacher constantly calling them to pick me up from school early, in 5th grade, I was transferred to a school that offered homeschooling. (I’m still homeschooled now—UPOU offers distance learning.)
I wonder though: In 5th and 6th grades, I almost never left the house. How did I rarely get lonely even though that was the main reason I opposed my parents’ decision to have me homeschooled?
In 7th and 8th grades, though I was still technically homeschooled, my school had Wednesday classes which were similar to traditional classes. Unfortunately…I became a chaotic evil school bully again there.
I do have a proud personal achievement in 8th grade: collaborating on an electricity-related presentation which my science teacher, a true science nerd who wrote my science textbook, rated 9 out of 10.
I used my Minecraft interest to make my presentation relatable to the class. Speaking of Minecraft, on my 14th birthday, I was introduced to it by a classmate.
9th Grade
Mom and Dad found a program called Alternative Learning System (ALS) which educates out-of-school youths. What’s so cool about it? I only needed to take one year and one exam to become eligible for college! In other words, I skipped 3 years! (The Philippines has a K-12 curriculum which was implemented in 2013 during the Noynoy Aquino administration.)
ALS was similar to my previous school in that there were face-to-face classes on Saturdays.
Interestingly, I was less of a bully here. I’m not sure how or why. Maybe I paid more attention to the lessons which were more focused on everyday life situations. Then again, I once threatened another student by putting my forearm near his neck when he asked me a stupid question.
In the final exam, I earned the Top 9 spot.
My High-School Crush
In my first Wednesday class as an 8th grader, I hammerfisted a table in frustration. Strangely, a 7th-grade girl—she looks like the Fire Emblem: Thracia 776 character Mareeta so that’s what I’ll call this girl—approached me in curiosity. Being the immature little fool I was, I had a crush on “Mareeta” since I almost never get approached by strangers in a legitimately friendly way and...well, she had good looks.
Because “Mareeta” was often busy with other classmates in school and we lived far from each other, my primary way of getting in touch was calling her and having long conversations. Admittedly, I sometimes called her many times on the same day with no answer.
I can’t remember much about the topics “Mareeta” and I talked about outside of school, though I do remember the weird stuff I did after 8th grade.
When I was in 9th grade, we met in a Starbucks where I taught her math for free. Okay, fine, it wasn’t free. Her payment was…her quality time! Mwahahahaha!
On my 17th birthday, I invited her to an arcade…and she didn’t enjoy it. We ran around the mall like kids playing tag afterward…but we got lost. That was also the time I scared her with my martial arts skills by practicing fighting stances and defensive moves on an escalator.
When I was 19 years old, we went to some kind of sports hub so she could have her PC fixed by me…but I failed ‘cause the PC wasn’t loading my Windows 10 installation data even though it worked on my family’s other PCs. Regardless, I treated the session as a date; we played badminton and I got rekt by her superior skill and speed.
Our friendship ended because “Mareeta” thought I had a crush on…her mom. I regularly had friendly chats with her mom. (In my defense, people with Asperger’s syndrome are simply better at talking to much older people than people their own age. Also, I thought, if I get on “Mareeta’s” mom’s good side, she’ll be more willing to let me and “Mareeta” hang out.)
In 2020, I tried to repair the friendship by making it clear I had no crush on her mom while apologizing for my other mistakes. I think she accepted the apology based on that particular conversation, but I’m not sure if she truly accepted it—I know she’s busy because of college but she hasn’t replied to me in 11 months.
Regardless, while I still want to be friends with “Mareeta” so I can repay the kindness she showed me over the years, I don’t have a crush on her anymore—I’m “hunting” for someone else.
As a side note, in Fire Emblem Heroes, I’m building a team of my favorite units: Robin: High Deliverer, Ephraim: Restoration Lord, Claude: Almyra’s King, and Mareeta: Sword of Stars.
Physical Traits
My mom was born to half-Chinese, half-Filipino parents. Despite Mom being married to a pure Filipino, I also show obvious half-Chinese traits.
Combined with my mild lack of skill in speaking Filipino, others often mistake me for a citizen of China (most commonly), Japan (most rarely), or Korea. Mom even told me about a customer who thought I was a Chinese boy who studied in the United States, probably due to my natural American accent when speaking English.
I’m 174 cm and 57 kg.
Because of my light and tall build, the next thing other Filipinos ask after my nationality is whether or not I’ve played basketball. Actually, I know how to play basketball but I never got dedicated to it so my ball handling sucks and I have difficulty scoring 3-point shots. Instead, I use my light build to perform parkour, evade hazards, and attack quickly.
As for my weight, I’m secretly a Big Eater but I restrain it to save money and let my family members eat more. Don’t expect me to hold back in a buffet, though.
Strength
When helping Dad close our gate after parking the family car, I carry parts of a gate, each of which I estimate to be 15 kg. I could even jog while carrying one of them. When angry or flexing, I lift both gate parts.
Though I need the help of a second person, I can lift a 45 kg rice sack. Sometimes I flex by lifting the sack higher than the other person.
The heaviest I remember loading my backpack is 5.75 kg back in my 2019 Singapore trip.
I usually do 3 pull-ups per set, though the most I’ve done is 6.
Speed
The fastest I can run is 20 km/h. However, I usually run at 10 km/h.
On a bicycle, I think the fastest I’ve cycled is 30 km/h. In narrow residential streets, I can outspeed cars. Usually, I cycle at 15 km/h.
When delivering goods with my bike, Mom often gets surprised at how fast I return home.
I sometimes successfully catch mosquitoes with only my left hand…even though I’m right-handed.
Problem is…I know very little about swimming so I often lose swimming races. In races where I actually won, I expended a lot of stamina.
Durability
I can quickly punch a smooth and flat concrete wall and barely hurt my hand. (Don’t make me do a heavy attack or headbutt though.)
When angry, I don’t flinch even after being hit by hard physical attacks.
Problem is…I’m vulnerable to non-physical attacks. I feel cold in temperatures lower than 26 degrees Celsius. I don’t dare touch the tips of flames. Splattering cooking oil hurts me a lot. Then again, I survived being briefly electrocuted multiple times.
Hobbies and Interests
Video Games
As you might figure out from the majority of my blog posts, video games are my #1 interest.
Unlike books and movies, video games make the player feel like they are the protagonist thanks to the control. They also provide a sense of accomplishment and, in the case of multiplayer games, camaraderie.
Interestingly, I’m not interested in MOBAs like DoTA 2 and League of Legends as well as shooters like Fortnite, PUBG, and VALORANT. Practicing for those games is too much work when I have other games I love a lot more. Ever heard of "smurfing" where pro players make new accounts to curb-stomp actual new players?
Speaking of games I love, Fire Emblem, Hytale, and Pokémon have special places in my heart. I enjoy the elaborate strategy involved in those games. (Okay, I know Hytale isn’t out yet, but I enjoy speculating about the insane possibilities.)
For particular genres, my all-time favorite is the
role-playing game (RPG). I enjoy the idea of going from an ordinary person to a
superhero.
My second favorite is open-world.
As such, the video game I plan to develop will be an open-world RPG.
As of August 2020, I’m actively (stolen catchphrase alert) following the development of Yandere Simulator. I was fascinated by the dere types and I’m a hopeless romantic; these are what drew me first towards the game. YandereDev discussing his game design ideas and the fact Yandere Simulator is made with Unity made me more interested since I’m an aspiring game developer.
Fighting
As someone who plays a lot of violent video games, I have video game characters like Alex Mercer (Prototype), Ephraim (Fire Emblem: The Sacred Stones), and Tartaglia (Genshin Impact) as role models.
In January 2015, I had my first taste of formal fight training when Mom enrolled me at Elorde Boxing Gym, named after boxer Gabriel “Flash” Elorde.
Though I was lethargic at the time, perhaps the thought of impressing my trainer drove me to fight to the end despite tiredness and buckets of sweat.
In my sparring matches there, I was curb-stomped by my trainer ‘cause I couldn’t pierce his defenses and I was bad at dodging.
I can’t remember how I got popular in Elorde, but my trainer gave me free Muay Thai lessons and sparring in addition to the boxing that Mom paid for.
Gold’s Gym
The Elorde branch I went to closed in 2017 so, in September 2018, since I occasionally practiced martial arts in Gold’s Gym, some trainers introduced me to Coach G-Force (fake name) and Mom approved.
Coach G-Force is a one-of-a-kind trainer. In addition to also providing training at Elorde, he once curb-stomped an opponent during a Muay Thai competition and he trained Ogie Alcasid, a Filipino celebrity.
Since my prior knowledge from fightTIPS enhanced my skills and stats, Mom only wants me to be trained by the best of the best.
I impressed Coach G-Force with my incredible fighting skills…and my occasional stunt performances outside of training.
Sometimes, I knocked the mitts off his hands.
We sparred a lot for free too but, interestingly, I curb-stomped him…even on our first sparring session. His defenses were tough, not gonna lie, but learning feints made my fights so much easier—I fooled him into leaving his defenses wide-open before smacking him hard, usually in the abs, but the headshots hurt him a lot. My defenses, on the other hand, were nigh-impenetrable—the few times I got cleanly hit were due to me being sick…yet I tanked those hits like a champ anyway as if Coach G-Force punched a wall instead of a person.
Funny thing is, even the stronger and more skilled trainees couldn’t hit him cleanly.
The other trainers were so impressed that they sparred with me too. However, the super-muscular one I call “Boulder” got terrified after a minute—he couldn’t stand me piercing his defenses.
They once challenged me to a 2-vs-1 friendly fight. I destroyed them anyway, but since they pinned me in a pincer formation, I often got sneak-attacked.
Heck, one trainer saw me thrusting with a golf club handle like a sword and taught me some basic fencing for free.
Other Martial Arts/Weapon Experiences
I have no formal training in any other martial art though I’ve read a little about karate and watched some videos on Historical European Martial Arts.
As such, I use karate-style moves when mimicking Alex Mercer’s Blade power while unarmed and I can perform a riposte with any long stick-like weapon.
In late September, Mom and Dad were very kind to buy me an archery set out of nowhere...and I got addicted to archery.
I typically fire my recurve bow, which has a draw weight of
21 lbs, from 21 ft away; a little less than the length of our roof deck’s long
side. Usually, I score between 8 and 9.
In D&D terms, 21 ft is 4.2 spaces long (where 1 space = 5 ft). In Fire Emblem, bows typically shoot from 2 spaces away, though a skilled archer in Three Houses specifically can shoot between 1 and 4 spaces.
My brother Ivann pulls the bow much farther thanks to his Big Eater strength and slightly taller height, but I’ve practiced so much that I have superior accuracy.
And yes, I was shocked to notice my bow is quiet...at least outdoors. In other words, if this were The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim, I could use it in stealth archery.
Because of my fighting interest and knowledge, I sometimes critique video game attack animations, particularly in Hytale.
Fighting Style
I primarily use boxing moves in most fights since boxing is the fighting style I’m the most well-trained in. Usually, I mix jabs and crosses but I use hooks as heavy attacks or to exploit a weak point.
Most street fighters only use their arms so I sometimes mix in either a kick with my shin or a hopping side kick after a punch combo.
In a fight against a large group of foes, I’m more likely to use hammerfists. Unlike my usual armor-piercing quick attacking style which requires me to focus on a single foe and leaves me open to attacks from other foes, I don’t need to pay much attention to how my foes are defending when I use hammerfists—blocking or not, I can shatter them with brute force.
With melee weapons, I focus on slashes and ripostes. Sometimes, I feint by raising my weapon as if I’m gonna attack then actually kicking the foe.
Others
Mom taught me some basic accounting as part of my job as her assistant in our family store and bakery franchise.
In October 2019, I was introduced to Dungeons & Dragons by Ghean, one of my classmates. I got hooked into it since some members of Hypixel Studios played it and it was referenced in other media like Diary of a Wimpy Kid.
I admit I use video game tropes a lot but as a Dungeon Master, I specialize in improv and roleplay. I enjoy making my players feel like superheroes.
I used to imitate others’ voices a lot, but now, I practice voice acting using either my real voice or a voice not explicitly based on a specific character.
I specialize in youthful and energetic voices, monotones, edgy voices, and angry voices.
I’m particularly inspired by Patrick Seitz, the voice of Hector (Fire Emblem: The Blazing Blade) and voice director for Fire Emblem Heroes and Fire Emblem: Three Houses who specializes in voicing rage. CDawgVA said “[Patrick Seitz] just kills it.”
I used to watch WWE but got bored with it. Maybe I kept seeing the same moves over and over. Or maybe I just don’t like the new superstars.
I watched Cartoon Network a lot as a kid and a younger teen. Aside from Pokémon, I enjoyed Ben 10, The Amazing World of Gumball, and my current favorite Cartoon Network show, Regular Show.
In case you’re wondering what’s the best thing I can cook,
it’s roasted vegetables.
I’ve cooked tonkatsu
too so I can have a balanced diet.
While video games and fighting remain my primary interests and are the ones I’m most capable of talking nerd-style about, I can, to a limited extent, do it for my minor interests. For example, I know a little about basic photography, including what settings to use for which situations and how to aim the camera. Poor lighting is usually a mild annoyance for me.
Favorites
Animal: None
Attack:
Hammerfist
Blog post by me: Hytale gang wars series
Book: The Prince by Niccolò Machiavelli
Celebrity: None
Clothing: Leather
jacket
Color: Green
Country: United
States
Crime: Extortion
D&D school of
magic: Divination
Drink: Orange
juice
Family member:
Mom
FEH movement type: Infantry
Fire Emblem character: Ephraim
FE3H house: Golden Deer
Food: Baked
potatoes with cheese
Game developer:
Hypixel Studios
Genshin Impact character (combat-wise): Klee
Genshin Impact character (personality-wise): Xingqiu
Genshin Impact character (waifu-wise): Sucrose
Gun: M4A1
Harry Potter Hogwarts house: Ravenclaw
Hobby other than
gaming, fighting, fitness, and sports: Writing fiction
Hytale mob: Outlanders
Magical element: Wind
Minecraft mob: Skeleton
Movie: None
Philippine national
hero: Jose Rizal
Philippine place:
Boracay
Pokémon: Gallade
Prank: “I failed
the task you wanted me to do… Just kidding!”
Programming
statement: if/else
Quote: Knowledge
is power! (Second: Kill every last one of them!)
RPG class:
Rogue/Thief
RPG stat: Speed
School subject:
English (formerly Mathematics)
Sport: Mixed
martial arts
Time of day: Between
10:00 PM and 2:00 AM
Trait: Good (because Friendly is overrated
and I’d rather have a good Jerkass than a friendly deceiver)
Trope:
Competitive Balance
Vehicle: Bicycle
Virtue: Honesty
Weapon: Spear (if
fists are not counted)
WWE superstar:
Roman Reigns
Yandere Simulator character: YandereDev (if he’s not allowed,
then Midori Gurin)
YouTuber: Sora The Troll
Least Favorites
Animal: Snake
Color: Yellow
Crime: Murder
Drink: All
alcoholic drinks
Fear: Fire
FEH movement type: Flier
Food: Kimchi
Genshin Impact character (combat-wise): Barbara
Genshin Impact character (personality- and waifu-wise): Rosaria
Hytale mob: Razorleaf Ranger
Meme: “I used to be an adventurer
like you. Then I took an arrow in the knee…” (Yes, including Ivann’s city
guards in his D&D setting.)
Trait: Evil
Yandere Simulator character: Megami Saikou
Dream Job
As someone whose identity is largely formed by video games, I’m an aspiring game developer.
I’ve developed my first few games as a hobby and as college projects using Java and Python. Now, I’m learning the Unity engine and the C# programming language.
When my classmate and friend Eya asked me why I like game development, I answered her, “SHEER FREEDOM!!!1!”
As someone with a chaotic neutral alignment, I enjoy freedom and self-expression. Game development is, for me, the perfect place to exhibit those because I can make every little detail work the way I want it to…with practice, of course. At the same time, I can have the player share in my games’ freedom; another reason I enjoy open worlds and RPGs.
As someone who often imagines RPG stats for real and fictional people and creatures, as well as having played competitive games, I specialize in competitive balance. I put this in action in various Hytale-themed posts, including my gang wars series and Midori Gurin in Hytale post.
While I don’t consider myself as good in storytelling, I enjoy writing character development the most.
Dream Game
My dream video game, admittedly, is a Grand Theft Auto clone, though as my game dev instructor said, every video game, even within the same genre, has different rules and mechanics, so every game is unique.
The game is set in an isekai universe. I currently have ideas for two worlds: a modern New York City-style city and a medieval Europe-like fantasy setting. Players can fight with both guns and magic, for example. Imagine a drive-by shooting on a highway but with lightning bolts instead of bullets.
The combat system is primarily hack-and-slash.
There will be multiple movesets for the same weapon; one can, for example, choose between HEMA and kenjutsu when wielding a sword, or fire and lightning for wands and staves.
The player can equip up to two weapons at once (“weapons” in this case including punches and kicks). Each weapon is assigned to an attack button (I’m thinking left- and right-click by default). Many weapon combinations have unique movesets; for example, punch-punch-punch-kick would do a jab, cross, left hook, and roundhouse kick. Holding down an attack button often results in a slower but more powerful attack.
The player can choose to play as either a pre-made character or a custom character. Pre-made characters have unique stories while custom characters are “blank slates” whose stories can be created entirely by the player.
RPG mechanics are another core part of the game. It includes an elaborate skill tree, combat stats, and level and XP mechanics.
Improving a combination of skills unlocks moves that use multiple skills. For example, a highly skilled spear fighter and cyclist can wield a spear two-handed without falling off their bicycle.
Childhood Dream Job
Perhaps in line with the natural hedonistic desires of little kids, I wanted to be a mad scientist.
I can’t remember what exactly I wanted to invent, but maybe I wanted to defy the limits of technology at the time. Or maybe I just wanted to be the most powerful person in the world.
I gave up on the mad scientist dream because I figured learning science in general was too complicated for my brain. Too many technical terms to memorize. I simply preferred video games a lot more.
Then again, being able to create things to my liking in game development sometimes makes me feel like the mad scientist I used to want to be. There’s something cathartic about getting a hard-to-code feature to work after days, weeks, or even months of effort.
I have great respect for scientists and tech developers in general. They’re part of the reasons modern people are healthier, live longer, and have gadgets.
Personality
According to Tony Attwood (2007, p. 131), children with Asperger’s syndrome often have an emotional age of at least 3 years behind others their age. In other words, I’m 21 years old but my emotional age may be 18 or less. So don’t be surprised if I still act like a young teen or even a little kid (think Lysithea who has a mostly mature personality but still has childish traits). My guess is I act like a 15-year-old…at best.
Teenagers are naturally moody so sometimes it’s hard for me to describe my own personality. While most of my friends see me as a Nice Guy, I’m more respected in my family for my skill set…but Mom knows I hate doing chores. I see myself as intimidating, both mentally and physically.
I’m an ambivert leaning towards the introvert side. While I spend the vast majority of my time playing video games or researching random topics, I equally enjoy the company of friends. I hate large parties (usually birthday parties that aren’t my own) but I enjoy D&D sessions, whether I’m a regular player or the Dungeon Master. I admit I get bored after a week or two of no quality time.
Speaking of quality time, that’s my love language. I have a habit of stretching casual conversations for hours on end.
Usually, I’m blunt, cold, and formal towards others, including family members and strangers.
When told to do a task, I often do it, no questions asked.
When asked a question, I only give the person the information they need; nothing more, nothing less. I’d be more likely to say “I have two brothers” than “I’m the middle child among my two brothers; the older one is married, has a daughter, and is an engineer, while my younger brother is a college student aspiring to be a lawyer. I have no sisters.”
In group-based school work, I don’t talk unless I see an opportunity to help according to my expertise or I’m called to help. I don’t actively try to befriend any of my groupmates.
When asked how I feel, I often say I’m feeling “neutral”. When told to have my picture taken, I stubbornly refuse because smiling when I’m not happy is out of character for me; I think it makes me look dishonest. As such, I rebel by imitating meme faces like Trollface.
Speaking of rebellion, I have a chaotic neutral alignment.
Almost everything I do, even seemingly generous acts, are for selfish goals. I do nice things to others because it makes me feel like a superhero. I do manual labor when told to by my parents because I want them to leave me alone. (Oh, look, I’m needy. So much for me reading Mark Manson.)
I don’t mention some of my positive personality traits nowadays because I’m simply not confident that I can keep them consistent; if I did mention them, I’d look like a boastful liar in my eyes. (And Jesus would ring in my head: “Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites!”)
Some may call me friendly, but I don’t use that word to
describe myself because I’ve said rude comments (or at least acted
passive-aggressive) to others, even friends, in fits of rage. Sometimes, I
simply don’t respect others’ personal spaces and speak or write monologues
about my interests or Berserk Buttons.
Some of the personality traits I mentioned in the earlier paragraphs are what I think another person in general would consider neutral. One may interpret my bluntness and formality as being efficient and sensible; another as passive-aggressiveness and rudeness. You decide.
Anger Issues
I am quick to anger, admittedly. Quick ways to make me angry include abruptly cutting a friendly conversation or game short, canceling or not showing up to an event occurring very soon (especially with no apparent reason), taking away my video games, and simply getting angry at me. Yes, I know these are strong signs of immaturity.
I usually don’t show my anger to others, especially in Internet chats. I try to act professionally even when I’m angry, though I often slip up and apologize a few hours or days later.
However, at higher levels of anger, usually induced by what I think is an unnecessarily long “The Reason You Suck” Speech, I physically attack the person who angered me. I believe that words can’t break some people but fists can and that fists are the only way to shut them up and make them leave me alone.
I know talking about my anger issues outside of a self-help group is immature and unprofessional, but screw it—I call it being honest with myself.
Don’t worry though—I rarely delete comments. The only comment I remember deleting so far is from some fool copying my words then putting a malicious link.
Friends
It’s no surprise that I had a Friendless Background as a kid. I lacked the self-confidence to do so and it was tough to find someone who is as deeply interested in at least one of my interests as I was. I had no obvious redeeming qualities that are useful in friendships…mainly because I rarely talked to other kids.
Besides, instead of a good sense of humor, loners often have intelligence or creativity as their most obvious quality in school. They’ll either be the ones who answer the teachers’ questions the most often or the ones drawing or writing for fun. However, I think these qualities aren’t “friend-worthy” because intelligence is intimidating to some less intelligent people while looking at someone’s creative works can be perceived by the creator as intruding on their privacy. In elementary school, I drew a lot, while in high school, I was The Smart Guy.
I have unusually high standards when making friends. For example, assuming the same strength of friendship, Person X may consider Person Y a “good friend” while I may merely consider Person Y an “acquaintance”. (These standards are subject to change but will always remain much higher than the average Joe’s.)
First off, both of us should not be a moderate or severe Jerkass for a month.
Second, we should be able to relate to each other’s experiences or interests on a deep level. The other person need not be a gamer or fighter; merely being able to talk in detail about life is fine. As such, I greatly respect those who are roughly as intelligent as I am.
Third, the other person has to show me legitimate respect or friendly affection.
These standards are the reason why I have fewer than 100 Facebook friends. Aside from the “family members, relatives, and true friends only” rule, I only add those who are important for me to finish a task like school work.
The last thing I want to do is call someone with a lack of dedication a “friend”.
Most of my friendships start in unexpected ways.
When I was 14, I “stole” my first true friend, YoSquid, from my younger brother upon discovering a mutual interest in competitive multiplayer Minecraft.
BoltOLightnin became my friend after we discovered a common taste in video game music while I was a Minecraft server staff member.
Two of my UPOU classmates, Alyanna and Eya, became my friends after I expressed my dislike of group activities.
Another two classmates, one of them being Ghean, were thanks to a professor requiring us to reply to at least two classmates’ self-introduction forum posts…and I went all-out by replying to as many as I could with my best journalist act. These are, so far, the only friendships I have where I legitimately started and succeeded.
And there’s the “Mareeta” story earlier in this post.
As a subtle “in your face” to the numerous times I’ve experienced having conversations with classmates (and sometimes friends) abruptly stopped for either no stated reason or a vague reason, I make myself available for my friends almost all the time…even while I’m studying. Interestingly, this has the opposite effect on my academic performance; instead of losing time that could have been used to study, feeling like a hero for entertaining my friends makes me work and think extra fast. (I hope the companies my friends work in give their employees a healthy work-life balance.)
Though it’s largely because of my immaturity, when a particular friend stays unavailable for “fun time” too long or too often, I begrudgingly leave that friend alone for weeks or even months until that friend initiates conversation again. I know how it feels to be interrupted in my sleep by an urgent email from my university and I don’t want my friends to experience the same feeling from my constant…pestering.
Hygiene
Figured I’d talk about this since the Wuhan coronavirus is raging. Oh well, good hygiene has always been part of my character to begin with.
I avoid situations that will make me dirty unless I have no choice but to get dirty. When I’m dirty, I often refuse to clean myself until I know for sure I won’t be getting dirty for the next several hours.
In my sling bag, I always have a bottle of alcohol.
I almost never go to bed even when I’m mildly dirty. Before I go to bed (which is also my workstation), I always wash my feet, assuming I don’t take a bath.
Poor hygiene is one of my Berserk Buttons. I refuse to get touched by someone who I know is dirty, stinky, or notorious for having questionable hygiene. When I do, I’m quick to put alcohol on the part of my body which was touched.
During the Wuhan coronavirus pandemic, I always wear a face mask and face shield whenever I leave the house. As much as I, a young adult, like Paul Joseph Watson, I don’t give a firetruck about his opinion that people are overreacting to the Wuhan coronavirus; the virus has mutated to become more infectious and I don’t want to risk becoming infected. I have a family to serve.
As for weirder regulations like mandatory masks and face shields in vehicles with passengers, I only wear a mask and face shield to reduce (but not necessarily nullify, in case the cops are stupid) my chance of getting fined or arrested. I only drive for my family members and I never leave the car until I get home.
And I sure as heck am not wearing a mask in my own home with only my family. If cops barge into my home with no warrant, though, I have a mask and a face shield within easy reach. The cops will have to walk through a terrace before they can see me.
Romance
A lesser-known trait which I have mentioned in a few blog posts is I’m a hopeless romantic. I’ve been like this since I was in 1st grade when I had my first crush.
I think of myself as notoriously perfectionist when it comes to picking a potential girlfriend, largely because I’ve been influenced by Mark Manson’s “Change Your Mind About Dating”.
I simply can give and receive much more love from a girlfriend than I can from family members and friends…ideally, at least. Having that opportunity taken away means losing a portion of one’s identity. Naturally, the more my girlfriend fits my expectations, the less likely I’d initiate a breakup.
Then again, having absurdly high expectations (link to a blog post also by Mark Manson) might be one reason why I’m still single… I’ve rejected hundreds of girls on Facebook Dating (and if I were a girl, I’d reject hundreds of boys as well), but screw it, most of them are overly hedonistic and pea-brained weaklings anyway, while others are shady tsunderes (worse than Osana Najimi). I’m better off “hunting” among my UPOU classmates who are significantly friendlier, smarter, and more virtuous.
Combining my Hopeless Romantic trait and my high standards, I quickly get attracted by looks…though I’m very good at suppressing romantic feelings towards a stranger and I can talk to her like I can with any other person. I use my normal blunt and formal manner of talking to secretly discover the other person’s traits, especially ones that can be potentially dangerous in even a friendly relationship.
Admittedly, once I’m mentally convinced that someone is my girlfriend (which is hard to trigger because of my high standards), I become obsessed with her, a natural trait of Asperger’s syndrome and is a reason I describe myself as a yandere. Expect me to message or call her at least once every two days.
I don’t know for sure whether I’m “desperate” or “excited” by Mark Manson’s definition, though I like to think I’m excited. As awesome as it is to have a girlfriend, I can take care of myself just fine.
Wait, what about the other traits of Asperger’s syndrome?
Yes, even among those with my diagnosis, I’m unique in that I don’t have some of the common traits.
First and most significantly, I don’t suffer from any unusual sensory sensitivity. I sense the world roughly as well as others…if you don’t count my slightly higher pain tolerance.
I have no significant issues with physical movement. I can play many sports just fine, at least on the casual level. In fact, my Dexterity is higher than my Intelligence.
I can understand most figures of speech just fine. Sometimes, however, I have trouble knowing whether or not someone is joking when the statement looks and/or sounds so honest, such as a particular scene in Regular Show where the main characters tried to “bust the chops” of jokester police officers who threatened the characters back…only to declare “Just busting your chops!”
Guess what else I have trouble with? Writing without using figures of speech. Good luck to me if I ever dedicate myself to being a friend of someone who also has Asperger’s syndrome.
From preschool to elementary school, I had the best handwriting among all my classmates. When I was first taught the letters of the English alphabet, I tried to draw them as accurately as I could, perhaps because I was a perfectionist.
My current handwriting was developed…when I was in 3rd grade. I remember having my 4th-grade handwriting described by older students as “computer-like”.
Admittedly, I write slightly slower than others because I don’t write in cursive (and I have difficulty reading cursive).
I’m only clumsy when I’m sleepy. Other than that, thanks to being a rogue, I’m highly evasive and precise with my movements. I rekt my parents in Jenga 4 times in a row.
Physical touch is my least…uh, “understood” of Gary Chapman’s 5 Love Languages, though I still willingly give and receive hugs from my family members. I also understand the significance of gestures like high-fives and fist bumps.
I just dislike being hugged by friends, especially males. Being hugged by a male feels “gay” to me. Being hugged by a female, under most situations, feels like receiving a gift I consider myself unworthy of.
Guess who I only give and receive kisses from? My mom.
Why write on a blog?
Ivann told me his blog’s AdSense applications were rejected because his audience wasn’t big enough. Odd.
Anyway, I don’t plan to reapply for AdSense until I grow a much bigger audience.
It’s honestly funny how I’ve done this for 2 years so far yet I barely get any views. At this point, I think most content creators would quit.
Call me “crazy” if you want. I actually like to be called crazy or a lunatic.
Reference
Attwood, T. (2007). The Complete Guide to Asperger’s Syndrome. London: Jessica Kingsley Publishers.
