How I Kill Mosquitoes, Flies, and Cockroaches

ISO 100, f/5.6, 1/200 sec, flash used

Ah, mosquitoes, flies, and cockroaches. Three common house pests, among the likes of the rat. The mosquito sucks human blood and can carry the dengue and Zika diseases, while the fly and cockroach infect anything they touch, especially human food.

I've battled these bugs since I was 9 years old (back then, I was too slow to kill mosquitoes), so over the years, I've come up with ways to destroy these menaces to society.
Oh well, there's no law that says I can't kill any of these pests, so I can legally satisfy my thirst for violence.

From my experience, insecticide is unreliable in killing these three pests unless it's fired in large amounts. I don't see any mosquito corpses on the floor after using it, and it can take minutes to actually kill a cockroach even with direct hits.
But I still recommend insecticide, though--it can come in handy for slowing down these bugs, and even preventing them from flying, making it easier to finish them off with the attacks below.

The most reliable weapon against mosquitoes, flies, and cockroaches, in my opinion, is physical attacks (i.e. striking with a solid object). As implied in the earlier paragraph, chemical attacks, like insecticide, take time to kill bugs. Physical attacks, on the other hand, can kill them in one hit.

Admittedly, accuracy and physical strength are problems when using physical attacks, and I am biased towards physical attacks because of my obsession with fist-fighting. But, with sufficient practice, it becomes easy to kill mosquitoes and even flies with just one's bare hands. (I think my accuracy with mosquitoes is 25%. I've only killed one fly with bare hands--they're just too fast for me. My late grandma, on the other hand, had great accuracy against flies.)
Cockroaches are generally easier than mosquitoes and flies because they are much bigger and most of them can't fly, so they are easier to hit, but they are very durable (in gaming terms, they have high Defense/Vitality/whatever-you-call-it). Even if their heads are cut off, their bodies can still move fast and infect the surroundings. They have to be hit with lots of force if they're not crippled with chemical weapons.

Bare Hands

Although they're small, weak, and inaccurate (at least from my experience; I often find mosquito corpses near the edge of my hand, rather than the middle of the palm), bare hands are the most accessible weapon (unless one doesn't have hands; no offense). They still have potential to kill in one hit, even if one is not physically strong--I bet even a 7-year-old kid who doesn't play sports can kill bugs in one hit.

Unfortunately, bare hands are the only viable physical weapon against bugs that are in midair. Fortunately, there are ways to make bare hands more powerful without exercise or target practice:

The most reliable reinforcement for bare hands, in my opinion, is covering them in soap or dishwashing liquid. For soap, I do it for a time between 30 seconds and 1 minute, without rinsing. For dishwashing liquid, I just squirt it into a sponge, squeeze the sponge, and cover my hands with the bubbles and suds. This concentration is powerful enough to kill mosquitoes and flies in one little touch--instead of clapping, one can swipe at them like swinging a sword.

Unfortunately, soap and dishwashing liquid are not very useful against cockroaches; it will take minutes to kill them, even in large amounts. At least it slows them down, though.
This is my favorite way to kill mosquitoes and flies.
(I'm thinking of stepping this up by covering my entire body in soap. It's like a hazmat suit of cleanliness.)

Alternatively, bare hands can be reinforced with flip-flops (a.k.a. slippers). Their generally flat bottom and flexible rubber body help avoid gaps where mosquitoes and flies can dodge and escape, and it protects from the disgusting innards that cockroaches and flies release upon death.

By the way, unless you have flip-flops or gloves, do NOT use bare hands on cockroaches. Their innards are incredibly dirty and awful-smelling, and their spiky legs are painful to touch.

Flyswatter

I'm not sure what the physics behind flyswatters are, but they seem faster and more accurate against insects that are standing still, compared to bare hands.

Maybe it's because they have elastic potential energy thanks to how flexible they are?

Either way, flyswatters are useful, especially in markets that sell meat.

If a flyswatter is unavailable, a fan (in Filipino, it's called pamaypay) works as well.

Nerf Blaster

Yup, Nerf blasters are more than just toys. Suck on that, elitists who think toys are only for little kids.

I shoot flies standing still using a Triad EX-3 from point-blank range, but any N-Strike Elite series blaster works as well. (Not sure about the old N-Strike, though) Darts from these blasters are fast enough to outspeed a fly's reflexes and kill them in one hit.

I've never tried the Retaliator before, but I want to see if it can still kill with the barrel extension attached.

I've never used a Nerf Vortex blaster, but I wouldn't recommend it because of the shape of Nerf Vortex discs.

Almost Any Solid Weapon (cockroaches only)

Cockroaches are so big that they can be hit with almost any weapon. Popular weapons include shoes and brooms, but here are some of the weird weapons I've used to kill cockroaches:

• I once stole a woodcutting axe from construction workers and cut off cockroach heads with it. Don't worry--I returned it and the workers didn't notice.
• Basketball--it's so bouncy
• Bike
• Chairs
• Hammer
• Insecticide canisters. You read that right. They have thin metal bottoms that trap and cut cockroaches down.
• Our kitten, Proofer (yes, we named her after a proofer)
• Scissors
• Printer. You read that right. I once tried to print my brother's homework and cockroach guts came out instead of ink.

Here are some weapons I want to use at some point against cockroaches:

• Kitchen knife
• Baseball bat
• Car
• Photos of my professors

I sometimes put cockroach corpses in the middle of the road so that vehicles can run over them.

Bonus Edit: Rats

I figured some people would expect me to talk about rats because of my statement of mosquitoes, flies, and cockroaches being among the likes of the rat. So here's how I caught rats: I put superglue traps on the areas where they frequently roam our house. I once caught 7 rats in one day.

The rats didn't even pay attention to their dead comrades before they got caught.

Lazy Conclusion

I've been super lazy--I've been playing tons of video games and occasionally studying, so I didn't feel like writing anything for my blog. I only got this idea after killing a fly with my bare hands for the first time and realizing how ravenous the mosquitoes are this month in Metro Manila.
Edit: The mosquitoes were EXTRA ravenous in July. Rains were heavy and consistent in this month, mainly due to the southwest monsoon, which may explain their rampage. I'm not sure.

TL;DR summary: Solid objects like hands, flyswatters, and Nerf blasters can kill bugs in one hit, unlike insecticide. Covering hands with soap or dishwashing liquid gives more power and accuracy.

Update, February 8, 2019: I often get attacked by mosquitoes while playing video games.