I did not put much effort into this post because I stayed awake literally more than 24 hours so I can sleep in the PM hours. I've been having awful sleeping habits because I got addicted to writing fanfiction which I don't want to publish.
I know I’m not entitled to anything but I can’t help myself. I’m still a Manchild. Leeroy Jenkins. I’ve been meaning to write a post like this since 2018 when I founded my blog but never developed the nerve to do it until now. The purpose of this post is to explain why I seem to “disappear” during my birthday.
Let’s get one thing out of the way because I suck at introductions: I’ve always felt indifferent at best about my birthdays—they feel like any other ordinary day. For my birthdays, I’ve always followed the “principle” of “go all or nothing”. I’ve never settled for in-between.
As a kid, I was envious of how other kids have the privilege of celebrating moderately expensive birthday parties and having the traditional “essentials” like attendees, cakes, clowns, games, and gifts. As far as I remember, I’ve never celebrated a birthday party with all five of those.
Starting from when I was maybe 11 years old, I don’t like having clowns and games while cakes are optional. I prefer pizza over cake. Clowns that cater to older people’s birthday parties sound too “gay” for my taste, though I acknowledge that bakla culture has been ingrained even into straight Filipinos—probably thanks to social media and a particular gay celebrity. I often lose in party games despite how simple some of them may seem on the surface.
Therefore, I only look for attendees, gifts, and pizza (or a similar big food I really like) nowadays. Quality Time is my primary love language so attendees are the biggest priority. They need not be numerous—even good quality time with one or two people will be more than enough.
As far as I know, though, I can’t remember a single time I’ve had Quality Time with someone other than a family member (and I frankly dislike or am at best indifferent towards family members) on my birthday. As I’ve stated multiple times before, I screwed up a fake romantic date on my 17th birthday. For multiple birthdays, I didn’t develop the guts to invite friends to my house and convince my parents to let them in. I thought too much that the mere act of inviting would waste others’ time…mainly because I didn’t man up yet to take no for an answer.
Therefore, I have no good or fun reason or motivation to announce that it’s my birthday, let alone do some “special birthday event” with friends or on my blog.
Now that we have the Wuhan coronavirus pandemic, though, inviting others to a house for a non-formal event is a crime, so I’ll have to maintain my sanity…which I can do this year, but if this pandemic goes on without an effective mass-distributed vaccine, I might go insane next year from being stuck working in this giant cupboard-like mess of a home I live in. I prefer working in an office where the entire environment is designed to promote work focus and collaboration as opposed to my home which I associate with slacking off. Plus, Wi-Fi speeds in the Philippines are generally trashtastic—I don’t know why my parents haven’t switched yet to a particular Internet service provider whose speed-for-price efficiency is on par with other countries with much faster speeds.
Also, I have school work to finish this week so I can't play with friends.
On the bright side, I have a post focused on Yandere Simulator to be posted this Sunday…with Hytale squeezed into it somewhere because I’m a lunatic. Includes a crazy roleplay.
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