 |
| Now I think that's gangsta. (Ayano's face, hair, and uniform can be given custom textures.) |
Can I snipe the bad rivals with a bow or javelin in Hytale, plz?
WARNING: This post contains brutal murder (only in writing) and sexual themes.
Disclaimer: I have not read every single piece of official Yandere Simulator lore.
Unless otherwise specified, Senpai is male.
I’ll keep this quick since I suck at introductions. I recently got my gaming laptop’s RAM upgraded to 8 GB, so now that my PC isn’t using my slow-as-a-turtle HDD as improvised “RAM”, I can run many apps much faster, including Minecraft, Unity, and, of course, the ever-notorious Google Chrome. Most relevantly, I can play Yandere Simulator at last! Now I get to unleash my frustrations on virtual people who get in the way of my virtual love life! Mwahahahaha! (LT's Mom heard a giggle...and she's mad.)
Rules
· This ranking is based purely on my tastes on the rivals as potential romantic partners for me. How well-made they are as characters is not counted since this is not a story review (though I have a leaning-positive impression on Kizana and Hanako).
· I will assume that none of the rivals have a crush on anyone; otherwise, there would be love triangle issues that would make me likely to give them a brutal lecture or a beating. However, Osana can keep her childhood friendship with Senpai and Hanako remains overprotective of Senpai.
· Each rival has a “Kill or Spare?” subsection. This determines whether or not my Author Avatar will kill a rival. (In real life, though, I won’t kill any of them—I’d just beat up the ones I’d kill otherwise.)
Well then, let’s get started.
The “They All Suck” Group
These are rivals who I hate so much that, even with their redeeming qualities (if any), I wouldn’t even dare get close to or engage in conversation with them…unless I’m angry at them.
#10: Megami Saikou
Let’s get one thing out of the way first. She’s lawful to the core which contrasts sharply with my chaotic alignment. (I’m not sure what her moral alignment is, but I’m leaning neutral.)
Second, I’m
a yandere
too and my Author Avatar is an assassin, mercenary, thief, and illegal arms trafficker. Since my blog is
public, Megami can learn these traits very quickly like my friend and classmate
Alyanna did.
Third, because I’m inferior to her in a lot of ways like many other people, I don’t want to be pressured by Megami to be roughly as good as she is. Life experiences can influence someone’s personality such as Gordon Ramsay being a Drill Sergeant Nasty chef because his cooking instructor was one and me trying to be a Nice Guy because I live with family members who have Hair-Trigger Tempers.
Fourth, even if she wasn’t a lawful Mary Sue, I wouldn’t consider Megami as “beautiful” as she is in-universe. I don’t like her big…chest area. I’m not a fan of the hair. But hey, at least she isn’t ugly so I’ll let her keep the in-universe beauty.
Sorry, YandereDev, even though I know Megami is your favorite rival.
Kill or Spare? Definitely KILL ‘cause I hate her so much! Or
better yet, consume her
a la Prototype so I can get her Mary
Sue powers! Mwahahahaha!
However, my Author Avatar lacks superpowers and he’s not confident enough in
his training so he’ll use underhanded tactics to kill Megami such as stealthily
throwing a bottle at her a la The Last of
Us then using the time she’s stunned to quickly thrust with an improvised
spear made with a rake handle and a knife attached with duct tape.
Alternatively, he can just wait for Megami to leave school then sneak-attack with a bow (which I think would be otherwise banned in Akademi High School).
I’d only spare Megami if I know for sure I can’t defeat her even with hundreds
of Elite Mooks
and me at my maximum power—that includes Super Strength,
Super Speed,
Super Toughness,
and knowledge of magic.
Side note: Notice how “Megami Saikou” and “Mary Sue” have
the same initials: MS.
Coincidence or not? You decide.
#9: Osoro Shidesu
No surprise here. Osoro is a delinquent who’s described as “violent”.
Though I am roguish, Osoro to me looks way too roguish. Other than toughness and her inspiring the other current delinquents to join her, she has no redeeming qualities that I can think of.
Kill or Spare? Kill for a noble purpose because Osoro was
suspended for something “gravely serious” and for the challenge because she’s as strong as Raibaru Fumetsu, former
leader of the Martial Arts Club. However, I’d use the same tactics as I would
with Megami. Osoro wields what
looks to me like a shinai (practice sword) so I think a spear would have a weapon triangle
advantage which is exacerbated by my high HP, Strength,
Speed, and Defense (especially Speed).
I’d only spare Osoro if I can somehow convince her to only fight the bad guys…which
I don’t feel like doing because I don’t enjoy reasoning with chaotic-to-the-core
people.
Side note: Osoro looks to me like a female Street Fighter character. Notice how many Street Fighter characters are super muscular...even some of the women (Chun-Li and Cammy being well-known examples). Just look at Osoro's chunky thigh.
#8: Mida Rana
This teacher looks to me like she has “thot” written all over her. Get her off me.
Problem is, supposedly “no man has ever been able to resist her charms” (emphasis added). I’d consider myself very capable of Ignoring the Fanservice but with a description like this sounding almost magical, I’m kind of nervous about me falling for Mida Rana anyway. It’s best if I keep my distance…and hopefully never encounter her (or anyone like her in real life) in class.
I reckon I’d be a better substitute teacher anyway than her…and yes, I’m willing to give Senpai or my waifu private lessons, especially in English, Math, PE, Authority, Bows, Brawling, and Lances.
Kill or Spare? Kill ‘cause I hate thots.
Side note: When I first looked up the Yandere Simulator voice actors, Mida Rana’s voice actress, Marissa Lenti, was the only familiar name to me. She voiced Cooltrainer Gaven and Whiskers the Nidoran♀ in Shippidge’s “Starter Squad” series.
#7: Kizana Sunobu
Nope, I hate snobs. My paternal grandma is one.
Kizana’s jealousy and intense desire to be liked are massive red flags for neediness. If I had no choice but to be in a romantic relationship with her and I can’t fight back either peacefully or violently, I’d imagine I’d be spending the vast majority of my time reluctantly watching her films and “praising” her instead of developing games.
And Kizana
doesn’t like memes. How the fudge would you be able to relate with the audience
if you can’t understand people’s culture?
She doesn’t like sports or violence either. Good luck playing a physically
strong Action Girl.
Her possible redeeming quality is that she has the second-highest test scores (first being Megami who always aces tests, third being Asu) though YandereDev only said the word “probably”, not a "100% sure" word like "definitely". For now, I won’t make any solid judgments as to Kizana’s or Asu’s intelligence, though because Megami is a Mary Sue, her test scores are justified.
Another possible redeeming quality is Kizana insisting on originality, though I’m skeptical in case that is only because Kokona is “stealing” Kizana’s hairstyle and does not apply to situations that don’t concern her. I think sometimes I have awful originality.
Other than these potential qualities, I have nothing else in mind. Kizana sucks as a waifu.
Kill or Spare? Mixed, though I’m leaning Kill largely because
of Kizana’s resemblance to my paternal grandma and its maid. Among the rivals I want to kill, she’s the easiest
because she’s incapable of self-defense—a simple 3-hit boxing combo with
slightly inadequate technique, I imagine, is enough to KO her, especially if I
target her formerly broken bone. (If a lower body bone was broken, I can simply substitute one punch with a Muay Thai push kick or shin kick.) Keep in mind, I’m chaotic neutral so I give no
firetrucks about
fighting unfairly.
For the Spare part, I’d do so if I’m in a good mood. She’s not dangerous.
#6: Muja Kina
While her only redeeming quality is being a loving and caring nurse, it’s neutralized by being horribly stupid! How the heck did she even become a nurse? Yeah, she’s high-maintenance. I’d rather learn to tend to my own injuries than waste time giving her Training From Hell of the Khan Academy kind.
Plus, medical professions are risky jobs. Even if Muja Kina was smart (and was less of a fanservice girl), I still wouldn’t get into even a friendship with her because, if my mere presence wastes her time, people might literally die. Fuck you, Chinese Communist Party, for letting the Wuhan coronavirus spread.
Kill or Spare? Spare. Killing medical personnel is a war crime and, even if it isn’t, she’s too nice of a person. Some Training From Hell may be enough to make her not as ditzy as before. I’d only kill her if she continues to be a nurse and lets many people die in the process.
#5: Hanako Yamada
If Fire Emblem YouTuber Mangs sorted Hanako in a waifu tier list, I think he would put her in the Jail tier (i.e. you’ll go to jail if you romance her) because she’s childish. He’s done the same to playable Manaketes (dragon people that are typically 1000+ years old but look like human children) and characters that are technically adult humans but look like children to him, like Beruka.
Hanako, I think, would be a high-maintenance romantic partner because, again, she’s childish. I don’t feel like wasting time giving her Training From Hell of the “adulting” kind.
Also, she’s laser-focused on protecting Senpai anyway so her having a boyfriend would divide her attention big-time.
Kill or Spare? Spare. I don’t have any personal beef with Senpai and I appreciate how Hanako is protective of her brother. I’d only kill her if she stupidly insists I’m a threat to Senpai and she won’t firetruck off after a non-lethal beating.
Side note: I find it amusing that Hanako currently looks ordinary compared to most female students kinda like how her brother Senpai is average at almost everything.
 |
| I will admit though that this shot of Hanako nuzzling Senpai is very cute. i wish my niece did this to me too (intentional bad grammar) Footage from "Revealing the Identity of the Mysterious Obstacle in Yandere Simulator" |
The “OK But Still Sucky” Group
These are rivals with redeeming qualities that are valuable in a romantic relationship with me but still have glaring flaws. I’m willing to engage in conversation with them, however, if they’re willing to be respectful.
#4: Oka Ruto
No, this has nothing to do with a…particular fanservice-y pillowcase that YandereDev is selling.
Mark Manson,
I think, would say no immediately to someone like Oka Ruto. TV Tropes described
Oka as “shy, insecure, [and] wants to have friends,” which are clear warning
signs of neediness.
I honestly don't get why Oka is so endearing to Yandere Simulator fans (even YandereDev thinks Oka is cute) considering my "edgy intellectual" personality, but I'm chill with them liking her.
Her redeeming quality, though? She’s one-third based on Tharja from Fire Emblem Awakening and I’m a Fire Emblem fan. Of the magic types in the Fire Emblem series, I think I have the strongest affinity for dark magic because I’m chaotic and formerly evil. Talking to her might teach me a thing or two about dark magic, but I don’t know if Mark Manson would also consider that “neediness”… Man, I’m such a thief.
Kill or Spare? Spare. She doesn’t seem dangerous or annoying.
Only Ayano can successfully utilize the dark arts.
If Oka successfully summons a demon or whatever, I’ll be ready to kill…but how?
Though I have the potential to use magic in general, I’ll always be incapable of
using light magic due to my former evil alignment and the fact I still do evil
things frequently (about as often as I do good things). Oh well, good thing my
Author Avatar knows how to make improvised weapons, sooo…cheese the fight with
a bow, I guess? (Hey, I'm only bringing this bow to kill the demon! Honest!)
And since Gema Taku, leader of the Gaming Club, referenced the Leeroy Jenkins
video by mentioning the 32.33% chance of survival, I’m gonna say…LEEROY JENKINS!
#3: Osana Najimi
I don’t like tsunderes. Osana, at least in tsuntsun mode, is not honest with people, which is the total opposite of vulnerability in relationships.
Her redeeming quality is, if she warms up to someone, she can be genuinely nice. I just don’t feel like having to endure the tsuntsun part.
Kill or Spare? Spare. Again, I have nothing against Senpai and Osana isn’t dangerous, though the tsundere personality gives me second thoughts. If Osana hates on me and her friend Raibaru gets involved, I’ll be ready to kill.
Side note 1: "The Final Stage of Osana's Development" showcased Ayano taking panty shots with Osana's phone then reporting Osana to the guidance counselor. I wonder: What if Ayano took a shot of her own panties as well to cover up the act?
This was inspired by a Valentine's Day scheme by Greg Heffley from Diary of a Wimpy Kid where, while his classmates were sending Valentine's notes, Greg sent brutally honest notes like "Dear James, You smell." without putting Greg's name at the end. He also wrote himself a note to cover up the act: "Dear Greg, I hate your guts." I wonder who's the one student he didn't write a note to if any...
Side note 2: I'm normally indifferent towards Osana's appearance but I can't help but think Morgan Want who played Osana in Random Encounters's "Senpai Notice Me" music video looks great. And when Ayano "shoved her phone up Osana's skirt", Osana's face looked funny.
 |
| And Senpai is just like, "The heck happened to you?" Footage from "Senpai Notice Me" by Random Encounters |
The Actually Good Group
These are rivals that have good-quality character traits that are worthy of the title “romantic partner”. Their flaws, if any, are small and/or tolerable.
#2: Asu Rito
No surprise here because of my Athletic trait. I think training with someone else will make training way more fun. (Stop being needy, LT!)
She’s also cheerful and I’m cheerful at times, sometimes to the point of being a Large Ham. This can lead to some intense celebratory moments. You bet I’d loudly cheer for her if we were in a relationship and she took part in a sporting event.
Aside from her tomboyish appearance, she doesn’t like gaming and reading. Gaming is okay since I regularly talk to non-gamer friends, but reading? Oh well, maybe I can just show her YouTube videos. Kinda reminds me of Raphael from Fire Emblem: Three Houses. At least Asu is not stated to be stupid.
Kill or Spare? Spare. I relate too much to her for me to even attack her unless she’s okay with sparring.
Side note 1: I hope Asu's character will be expanded further 'cause I had a hard time describing her.
Side note 2: I find it funny that, despite Asu supposedly being able to win Olympic medals within a few years, Osoro has a much stronger body build. Where did Osoro get her Street Fighter-size body? Street fighting a lot, maybe? How long did it take to build this much muscle while still being in high school? At least I think Asu's body looks more realistic compared to many real muscle women.
#1: Amai Odayaka
The least surprising since I look for genuinely nice girls. And she packs utility too—she can cook! Supposedly "nothing makes her happier than seeing people enjoy the food that she has prepared," so what if I show her my Big Eater side?
A very minor quality, but she has green eyes. Green is my favorite color.
Problem is, I consider myself very bad at cooking because I need babysitting to cook something other than rice and quick-cook meals like instant noodles. As someone who is the hyper-competitive leader type when I’m not feeling lazy, I expect myself to be The Ace and the one who does most of the work in any group I create or join (unless it’s school work). Because Amai is excellent at cooking, I have to learn cooking too (preferably not from her unless she offers it first) so I won’t be The Load to her. Or maybe I can just watch her cook… Mwahahahaha!
Doesn’t like gaming? Okay. Doesn’t like violence? Aw, man. I can’t say for sure if Amai is a pacifist, but I believe that violence is sometimes the only way to achieve peace. Then again, I gotta come clean and say I’m training to become a hero.
Kill or Spare? Spare, obviously! She’s way too nice for me to
kill her! I’d only kill her if, #1, I have no idea who she is as a person and
someone pays for my mercenary services, or #2, I discover a flaw in her that
makes her dangerous or drives me to intense hatred.
If someone hires me to kill Amai Odayaka but I know who she is and she’s not a
bad person, I’d take the payment then report the client to the cops.
Side note: I think Amai's gender-flipped version has a very handsome voice to go along with his handsome face and hair. He's so gentle, I'd gladly decorate his cheesecake. If I didn't have to compete against him for the same love interest, I'd cheer on him if he expresses romantic feelings.
Some Non-Rival Characters
These are in alphabetical order, not worst to best.
Ayano Aishi (Yandere-chan)
Nope, I don’t dare date a killer. Her mother taught her how to be a pro yandere at an early age, so naturally, she knows some roguish techniques. That ain’t vulnerable at all.
Kill or Spare? Spare. I know this is weird, but let me
explain. I don’t feel comfortable killing a protagonist, especially because everyone who has played Yandere Simulator has played with Ayano
at some point and some have developed an emotional attachment towards her. The
least I would do is beat her up then warn Senpai there’s a killer on the loose.
If someone hired me to kill Ayano, however, I would gladly do it regardless of
her protagonist status.
However, because Ayano can potentially eliminate almost any human character in Akademi High School and commune with
demons, she’s the hardest to kill.
Side note: This Ken Sugimori-esque artwork of Pokémon Trainer Ayano Aishi by Yandere Simulator artist kjech is freaking amazing. I love how it stays true to the general designs of Pokémon game protagonists. If I had to build a team for her, it will be the following (movesets not included because I'm not a competitive battler--go to Smogon for those):
- Liepard
- Grimmsnarl
- Mimikyu
- Rotom (regular)
- Roserade
- Pheromosa
Basu Sisters
Info-chan
Kokona Haruka
Also known as Boobs McKenzie by Markiplier and his viewers.
I appreciate how loyal she is to her friend Saki Miyu and, if successfully matchmade, her boyfriend Riku Soma.
Buuut she does compensated dating to pay for her father’s debt so she’s got neediness written all over her and therefore is a big no-go. Also, I don’t like massive boobs.
Kill or Spare? Spare. Kokona is not dangerous (unless her friends are attacked) and is already a broken person to begin with.
Side note: I would still help Kokona as a wannabe hero though but in a way different from how Ayano pulls it off. I’d turn on Kuudere Mode™ and innocently make friends with Musume Ronshaku, find out where her father lives or works after several weeks or so, then rush head-on and threaten Mr. Ronshaku to call off the debt or suffer a horrible beating. Heck, because Mr. Ronshaku is described as a “greedy, selfish criminal who is completely willing to ruin other peoples' lives for his own financial gain”, I may declare a gang war against Ronshaku Loans (but spare Musume).
Kuu Dere
While I like Kuu Dere’s aqua hair color and 3 of her likes (reading, video games, and violence), I find those red eyes too menacing for a harmless non-Jerkass character. (Says the self-proclaimed Nice Guy who also has red eyes on his Author Avatar!) More importantly, though, I think she’s all “kuu” and no “dere”. Oh well, Kuu Dere is a minor character so I imagine expanding her character is lower-priority for YandereDev until he FREAKING FINISHES OSANA!!! (Just kidding with the playful impatience. I don’t wanna rush him.)
Kill or Spare? Spare. She’s not dangerous at all—she doesn’t like martial arts and is incapable of self-defense. She likes reading too.
Side note: I think saying Kuu Dere's lines in my own monotonous voice sounds amusing.
Mai Waifu
Mai Waifu is mildly amusing for me ‘cause she’s a walking pile of blatant anime tropes and because YandereDev is into women with big boobs—his waifu is Samus, his favorite Yandere Simulator supporting character is Ryoba Aishi, his favorite rival is Megami Saikou, and his favorite archetype is a super lewd lady, all of which have…y’know what I mean.
But Mai
Waifu is a minor character with not enough traits (besides being a gamer and trying to be a cute anime character) to make me consider romancing
her. Oh well, she probably has a crush on YandereDev anyway.
Kill or Spare? Spare. I simply have no reason to kill her…and if I did, YandereDev would probably brutally kill me.
Midori Gurin
I know it’s weird, but the main reason I have a crush on Midori is she blatantly has green written all over her, my favorite color is green, and I have a strange liking for girls with green on them. Her name literally means “Green Green”. I like her hair and face. I find Mom0ki's Midori voice charming. And Midori is a gamer.
But…she’s
stupid. I know I get annoyed when I get asked questions that can be answered
with little effort such as with a Web search.
So Midori is a no-go.
Kill or Spare? Spare. As annoying as she is to YandereDev, I don’t feel comfortable killing a fellow gamer in the Green Gang™. Plus, she isn’t all that bad to me!
Kill or Spare as Rival? Kill for the challenge because I’m
a Blood Knight tactician. YandereDev said, if Yandere Simulator had DLC, Midori might be a rival who knows everything about Yandere Simulator’s mechanics and,
therefore, may know how to counter every single tactic known in the game. She
hasn’t seen my Author Avatar though, so she
wouldn’t see his fists coming at her instead of a knife…
(Ayano can only use unarmed attacks in specific situations such as being attacked
by delinquents, practicing martial arts, or being in SNAP mode. I can skillfully
use unarmed attacks anytime regardless of sanity.)
Musume Ronshaku
 |
| This "uniform" is what comes to my mind when I see the bullies...though this is kind of an exaggeration. From the Regular Show episode "Men in Uniform" |
Raibaru Fumetsu
A better idea would be to sneak behind Raibaru and splash her with boiling water from a bucket because the wide area-of-effect makes it harder to dodge and it can be done from a slightly further distance than even a spear thrust. Once Raibaru is weakened, I think I can use my standard physical attacks. Maybe, to keep her staggered, I need to spam hammerfist attacks instead of using precise attacks like I usually do with my boxing trainer, Coach G-Force...
Ryoba Aishi (Ayano’s mother)
Mangs disregarded married women like Caeda and Louise in his waifu tier list and so will I. (Note that I don’t pursue anyone who’s already in a romantic relationship to begin with. I treat such women about the same as I treat boys.)
Her 1989 artwork looks…strangely cute and huggable to me because of her round-faced smile, as opposed to her daughter Ayano’s mostly stoic personality.
Note that me considering someone “cute” does not mean I have a crush on her. I reserve “cute” for some people with baby-like faces…like my niece.
Kill or Spare? Spare for a similar reason as Ayano plus Ryoba’s cuteness and utility for me as a thief. I want her to teach me her yandere ways…but if I have to get into a fight to do so, deal. I won’t play fair though—I’ll bring my spear and bow.
Student Council (excluding Megami)
Taeko Yamada (Female Senpai)
Side Section: Topics
Yandere Simulator has a topic mechanic that affects the matchmaking mechanic. Talking about a topic the other person likes increases success chance.
Anyway, since my Asperger’s syndrome causes me to like some topics more strongly than others, I’m using five categories instead of three. Also includes Fire Emblem: Three Houses and Hytale-related topics.
|
Loves |
Likes |
Neutral |
Dislikes |
Hates |
|
Friends |
Cosplay |
Everything else |
Family |
School |
|
Martial Arts1 |
Drama |
|
Loan Sharks |
(Guns) |
|
Video Games |
Gossip |
|
(Faith) |
[Outlanders] |
|
(Lances) |
Justice |
|
(Heavy Armor) |
[Razorleaf Rangers]2 |
|
|
Memes |
|
|
[Scaraks] |
|
|
Money |
|
|
[Trorks] |
|
|
Occult |
|
|
[Varyn] |
|
|
Reading |
|
|
|
|
|
Science |
|
|
|
|
|
Sports |
|
|
|
|
|
Violence |
|
|
|
|
|
(Authority) |
|
|
|
|
|
(Axes) |
|
|
|
|
|
(Bows) |
|
|
|
|
|
(Daggers) |
|
|
|
|
|
(Improvised Weapons) |
|
|
|
|
|
(Reason) |
|
|
|
|
|
(Swords) |
|
|
|
|
|
(Throwables) |
|
|
|
|
|
[Ferans] |
|
|
|
|
|
[Kweebecs] |
|
|
|
1 Also counts as Brawling.
2 Razorleaf Rangers are a Kweebec archetype but my hatred of them is separate from all other known Kweebec archetypes.
(Daggers, guns, improvised weapons, and throwables like rocks and chairs are not in Three Houses.)
Some Other Midori Questions Just for Funzies
I think I can get away with this because Mom0ki said “impersonating a character is fine.” Mwahahahaha!
“LunaticTactician, LunaticTactician! Why are
you in the Martial Arts Club even though you’re a gamer?”
I mainly play single-player games and I can live without
gamer friends—again, I regularly talk with friends who don’t play video games
and know next to nothing about them.
I feel like I can learn more from fellow martial artists.
(Oh well, there's no "Game Development Club"...)
“LunaticTactician,
LunaticTactician! Why do you like me being green?”
Because my favorite Pokémon is Gallade and it has green on
its head and blades. I also have a strange crush on girls who wear
green…including you. I know it’s weird, but I can’t help it.
"LunaticTactician, LunaticTactician! If you were a Yandere Simulator character, who would you be?"
In short, Budo Masuta.
If I can only pick from the rivals, it's Asu Rito.
If I can pick any combination of characters, it would be the following:
|
Character |
Percentage |
Reason |
|
Budo Masuta |
18% |
I enjoy challenges, I’m sometimes
enthusiastic, I repeatedly beat the best fighter (Coach G-Force) in the
Gold’s Gym branch I go to, and I enjoy teaching boxing. Among
the Fire Emblem: Three Houses skills, Brawling is my best. |
|
Gema Taku |
17.9% |
Outside of my gym, I’m best known
for my addiction to video games. I literally do or have done every single
video game-related activity as stated in Gema’s profile on the official Yandere
Simulator website. When teaching martial arts, I sprinkle gaming terms like "dash attack", "spamming", and "strafing". |
|
Asu Rito |
11.1% |
I have the Athletic trait, a Large
Ham voice, and a cheerful and motivational attitude. |
|
Ayano Aishi/Yandere-kun |
6% |
I’m a yandere, I’m roguish, and
I’m proficient in Deception and Stealth. At high sanity, I favor quick and
precise attacks (i.e. jabs, shin kicks) while at low sanity, I favor heavy
armor-breaking attacks (i.e. hammerfists, hopping side kicks). I also have a
SNAP mode that allows me to KO someone in one punch while being extremely
resistant to bludgeoning damage and grappling. |
|
Hanako Yamada |
5% |
I’m childish, clingy towards my
niece (I nuzzle her), and protective of my friends. |
|
Info-chan |
5% |
I stalk Hypixel Studios and
provide information to my classmates about my professors and the school work
they give. |
|
Kizana Sunobu |
5% |
I’m snobbish, I’m a wannabe voice
actor, I roleplay a lot at home and during conversations, and I somewhat care
about my physical appearance (especially hygiene). |
|
Osoro Shidesu |
5% |
I’m roguish and strong, I give few
firetrucks about rules, and I sometimes talk tough, but while I imagine Osoro
to be proficient in Swords, I instead have a budding talent in them. |
|
YandereDev |
5% |
I speak in an almost monotonous
voice when narrating scripts for formal videos or audio clips, I get annoyed
when people ask me stupid questions whose answers can be easily found through
other means (like a Web search), I’m thinking of using organic game design in
my own game like he did, and I regularly say uncensored F-words when I’m
alone.(YandereDev swears in Twitch streams.) |
|
Amai Odayaka |
4% |
I have a Nice Guy reputation and I
rarely blow up when I’m angry, but I think I suck at cooking. (Mom enjoys my
cooking though.) |
|
Megami Saikou |
4% |
I may not be affiliated with a
mega-corporation but I helped my mom run a small family business, I’m smart
and strong, and I’m extremely protective of my Hytale allies. |
|
Muja Kina |
3% |
I have Chronic Hero Syndrome, I
used to play healing classes in RPGs, and I almost always carry bandages,
insect repellent, and rubbing alcohol in my sling bag. |
|
Osana Najimi |
3% |
I’m a tsundere towards my dad; I
dislike doing favors for him and show him a hostile attitude, but I still
have some respect for him as a parent. Outside of the family, Alyanna has
called me a tsundere. |
|
Midori Gurin |
2% |
Both of us like green and enjoy
eating green veggies…but my Author Avatar has red eyes and wears a blue tie
and either blue or purple pants—I haven’t finalized the design. Does it count
if I tag some Hypixel Studios members on Twitter and they reply? (Hey, at
least they haven’t tried to kill me!) |
|
Oka Ruto |
1.5% |
While I’m normally a Magically
Inept Fighter, once I learn magic, I discover an affinity for dark magic due
to my chaotic and formerly evil alignment. Other than magic, I was a shy boy
as a younger teen. |
|
Kuu Dere |
1% |
I can pull off a “meh, I don’t
care” attitude easily even when I’m guilty. |
|
Mida Rana |
0.5% |
I think I’m good at complimenting
the looks of both boys and girls but I hate being lewd. |
|
Kaga Kusha |
0.5% |
I was a Child Prodigy and I used
to want to be a mad scientist as a kid. Right now, I still do Evil Laughs
despite my chaotic neutral alignment. |
|
Kuroko Kamenaga |
0.5% |
When I see friends or co-workers
fighting, I like to help them make a compromise. I have been criticized for
being too formal…and rightfully so, especially if the person calling me that
is someone I barely know or respect. |
|
Riku Soma |
0.5% |
Filipinos associate foreign
accents and faces, as well as exceptional English skill, with a rich person.
Though I’m really only middle-class, I speak in a mix of casual and formal
lingo which, in addition to my natural American accent, can give the
impression of a noble. (I struggle to do a British accent like Riku does,
however.) Also, between cats and dogs, I prefer cats. |
|
Ryoba Aishi |
0.5% |
I can talk about my former or
current love interests (either positively or negatively) for very long. As a
baby, I looked a lot like my niece. |
|
Saki Miyu |
0.5% |
Of the bread variants in my mom’s
bakery franchise, the one I like the most is the cheese bread with sugar and
margarine topped on it—Saki likes sweets. However, I haven’t tested if, like
when Kokona is killed in front of Saki, my combat stats rise drastically when
a friend of mine is attacked in real life. |
|
Shima Shiya |
0.5% |
I know some WWE moves like Roman
Reigns’s Superman Punch and Spear and I’ve done a successful DDT on my
brother. However, I use WWE moves for practical purposes instead of being
flashy. |
“LunaticTactician, LunaticTactician! If you can only choose a club other than the Gaming Club or Martial Arts Club, what would you choose?”
|
Personal Choices |
||
|
Club/Group |
Percentage |
Reason |
|
Cooking |
30% |
I suck at cooking. I feel like I have a moral obligation to learn to cook as an adult, especially because I’m a hopeless romantic. |
|
Drama |
25% |
I want to do voice acting for my game and I want to get good at writing fictional stories. |
|
Art |
20% |
I need to know how to draw to properly convey to my future employees/co-workers what I want my graphics to look like. |
|
Gardening |
10% |
When the apocalypse hits, I need to know how to grow food. This will increase my versatility since I already know how to fight. |
|
Sports |
7% |
I need to increase my stamina and movement speed. |
|
Occult |
5% |
To learn dark magic and finally expand my fighting style beyond physical attacks. |
|
Student Council |
3% |
To drop the Student Council’s guard so that it’s easier for me to KILL EVERY LAST ONE OF THEM! |
|
In-Game
Tactical Choices |
||
|
Club/Group |
Percentage |
Reason |
|
Student Council |
55% |
Like I said before, “KILL
EVERY LAST ONE OF THEM!” |
|
Sports |
40% |
I run around a LOT in Akademi High
School. Sometimes, it feels like playing GTA
without a vehicle. Running faster makes completing general tasks (and evading
detection) a lot easier. |
|
Science |
3% |
Cleaning up blood is a bore chore. I
haven’t mastered quickly cleaning with a regular mop. (Note that these
chances are much smaller because the Befriend elimination method is my
favorite—I’m unlikely to use lethal elimination methods.) |
|
Drama |
2% |
An alternative club I’d join only for eliminating Megami Saikou. |
“LunaticTactician, LunaticTactician! Why do you want to use a bottle instead of a brick on Megami Saikou?”
Though bottles and bricks are functionally similar when thrown in both The Last of Us and Part II, I'm gonna use my D&D-style reasoning for this one. A brick would only deal bludgeoning damage like an unarmed strike or baseball bat attack does. A bottle would deal two types of damage: bludgeoning (initial impact) and piercing (from the glass shards that fly all over the place after the initial impact). Piercing damage can cause bleeding which can further increase the damage I inflict with my punches and spear attacks.
If you're talking about using a brick because it lasts for 3 strikes while a bottle only lasts 1, well, the brick's 3 durability only applies to melee attacks. Because I'm a dirty fighter and I assume Megami to be roughly as good at combat as, say, John Wick, I rely on sneaky ranged attacks to gain a head-start. (I think I can get away with bringing empty wine bottles for a "science project".)
 |
| What Megami Saikou's face will look like after my first attack. Gun not included. Footage from o Knightz o's "25 INSANE Details in The Last of Us Part II" |
Edit: Just found out that Megami can catch thrown knives. I'm assuming this applies to any small projectile as well, so RIP arrows, bottles, and bricks. (Megami can simply dodge larger thrown objects like benches, I bet.)
“LunaticTactician, LunaticTactician! How will you successfully fake a 'science project' with wine bottles?”
How 'bout you do a Web search instead of asking me?
Nah, just kidding, I have a good answer for you. I'm gonna tell Budo Masuta that I'm only pretending to leave the Martial Arts Club so I can get into the Science Club for a while. Then I'll convince the club members to do an actual project while taking pictures so it looks legit. After the project, I'll leave the Science Club but keep bottles in my bag or locker in case "I get called for another science project." In case the faculty or Student Council investigates the Science Club's papers, I'll write some fake schedules for "wine bottle projects".
I also need to use bottles with different labels: one label for doing projects and one for combat. After using my "combat" bottle to help kill a target, I'll slip another "combat" bottle into a Science Club member's bag or locker or something to frame them for a crime. If someone asks me if I did the crime, I'd show them my "project" bottles and say, "Naw, man! That can't be my bottle! These are what my bottles look like!" (I feel like saying that excuse in my cartoony voice but I wonder if my kuudere voice would be more effective...)
Man, suddenly I feel more ready than ever to jump into Hytale and cause some mayhem with my roguish skills.
“LunaticTactician, LunaticTactician! What if you could craft a bow and arrows in Akademi High School?”
Good question, Midori...for once. I like archery.
Maybe I can steal some wooden branches from the Gardening Club? Then I'll steal maybe some nylon from the sewing room.
Arrows are the more challenging part. I could do the "duct-tape a knife onto a wooden handle" thing like I did with my improvised spear but that would make the arrow very front-heavy. I suppose scissor blades would work. If the Cooking Club has a whetstone, I'll totally use it to sharpen my blades.
The cool thing about being a yandere archer is, according to Shereen et al. (2018), "injured [blood] vessels [caused by arrow wounds] would rarely hemorrhage." Because of the little (if any) blood spilled by an arrow kill, it'll be very easy to get rid of the evidence.
Man, I know YandereDev wants to limit the weapons to only those that can be reasonably found in a school, but dang, I'm pretty proud of myself for imagining plausibly crafting medieval fantasy-style weaponry in this otherwise mundane modern-day setting. Sucks though that, as far as I know, there's no crafting in Yandere Simulator besides a custom-fit uniform for Kokona.
(This doesn't mean I want bows and arrows added to Yandere Simulator. They'd be a Game-Breaker because of the range advantage against all NPCs because they can only attack from close range.)
“LunaticTactician,
LunaticTactician! Why are you roleplaying me?”
Because it’s a trait of Asperger’s syndrome and I have a tiny
bit of experience as a D&D Dungeon Master. I also find you amusing when you
appear in YandereDev’s videos.
 |
| And you even look cute in this shot from "The Origin of Midori Gurin". |
“LunaticTactician,
LunaticTactician! Why am I saying your name twice like I usually do with
YandereDev, YandereDev?”
So…you’re telling me…you don’t know what you’re doing? Well,
that confirms your stupidity. Too bad for you, I know why: because I wrote this
roleplay, dang it! I wanna keep the Running Gag. Also, you did say something (non-canon) other than “YandereDev, YandereDev!” in your usual voice: “Ambassador
Johnson Disease, Ambassador Johnson Disease!”
“LunaticTactician,
LunaticTactician! Why do you find me amusing in YandereDev, YandereDev’s
videos?”
This is the part where I tell you to (James Heller’s voice) shut up and die. *crits Midori
with Killer Lance*
The wild MIDORI fainted!
…
“LunaticTactician,
LunaticTactician! Why’d you kill me?”
AAARRRGGGHHH!!! *bashes Midori clone on wall*
Hold on while I lock all my doors and have my mooks secure the area.
...
Now that Midori is gone...
I've hatched a plan to kill her...on the next episode of Yandere Simulator!
I'm kidding a little. For real, though, my blog post for next week will be something I'm better at: a Hytale crossover with Yandere Simulator where I lay out my anti-Midori tactics! Hehehahahahaha...
Man, will I ever run out of new Hytale enemy ideas?
Also, can I have a keyboard with Midori's face on it so I can enjoy breaking it when I rage in video games? Just kidding—I'll never break a real keyboard. I have a punching bag at home anyway so I can put Midori's face there instead.
Edit: The Hytale crossover will be delayed to an unknown time. I'm going double-time on school work and Ivann is borrowing my gaming PC. Plus, I missed many crucial details in the draft of that post.
For example, in my draft, the number of Midori clones was finite and directly proportional to the number of players, but I forgot that YandereDev mentioned in "The Origin of Midori Gurin" that Midori has infinite clones.
Man, sometimes staying true to the personality and lore of an existing character (or real person) is tough.
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