Dick Figures The Movie Nostalgia

Chapter 1

This is for parts that are in both "First Day of Cool" and the final movie, as well as parts that were added to the movie. For parts that were cut from "First Day of Cool", go to Season 4.

Blue: My mom says I drink too much water--that's how come I cry so much... (camera reveals a pee puddle under Blue's crotch) ...and pee.

Yeah, my mom ratted me out a few times for drinking too much water as well.

Thankfully, I can't remember the last time I peed my pants. Maybe when I was a little kid.

"Dude, you saved my life!" "I know!" "What's your name?" "I know. Uh, I mean, I'm Red." "My name's Blue. No matter what happens, I promise: I will always be your friend." "I know. Cuz I'm awesome!" *high five*

To be fair, Blue was a little kid and I would've done the same thing as a little kid because of my desperation. Blue was bullied on the first day of school, after all.

While I wouldn't say "No matter what happens..." at this point, when I promise to be someone's friend, I take that promise SUPER seriously. Not only is loyalty a big positive trait of people with Asperger's syndrome, but it's also my way of rebelling against people who don't take friendships seriously (which, in my head, are most people--I need to change that).

Some people get surprised by my staggering feats of friendship. I helped one of my friends, Aby, edit his Wattpad novel. My Bible study teacher says that I'm the only person she knows who has stuck with her through every Bible study. (What happened to those other people? Did they feel lazy, were they too busy, or did they find a better teacher? I think she's pretty good.) I've been using another friend's Genshin Impact account while she's busy with school since March 2022...and in addition to raising her Sucrose (one of my favorite characters in terms of appearance, combat, and personality), I GAVE HER OVER A THOUSAND OLD HANDGUARDS IN A FIT OF WORKPLACE RAGE.

Chapter 2

"Hey, toots." "Go to hell, Red." "Okay, see you there!"

Women these days, I feel, should be more direct. Some may call it vulnerability...but I prefer to call it honesty and transparency. Otherwise, some boys just wouldn't get the picture.

But to be fair, it's generally not in women's nature to do that.

Regardless, hooray for Pink.

"I've got the perfect gift for you. But first, a story." "Nooo, old people stories!"

I like to think I'm notorious for, despite being 22 years old at the time of first publishing this post, talking too much about myself or my theories to the point I either write in paragraphs or super-long compound sentences or speak for 3 minutes straight.

"As he lay dying, he said to me:" "Fuck you." "He was a douchebag." *Raccoon raises his middle finger*

This was Lord Takagami's first-ever line the viewers hear in the movie. You'd normally expect something eloquent considering Lord Takagami is an evil samurai, but man, Dick Figures REALLY loves being Sophisticated as Hell.

"You're wrong." "Oh?" "Yeah. I'm gonna find the shit out of that sword." "It's going to be very dangerous." "Good. Pussies hate danger and I am not a pussy." *Blue grabs Red's map* "Gimme that." "Oho, yeah. Time to get our quest on! Whoo!" (Chapter end)

Judging by what happens later in the movie, I feel like Blue just accepted the quest because he got offended by a former samurai calling him a "pussy". Still, that takes a lot of guts--I wish I could say the same thing but I'm too scared to join the military or police...and I don't enjoy the rigid rules and etiquette.

When I do something I don't want to do but feel like I have to do anyway, I do what Dennis Prager says: I act like I can do it. Like a samurai, I try to fight to the end once I commit to something.

Chapter 3

"Hey, you! Hiding behind those crates!" "Aah!" "Cartwheel, dude!" "Where'd he go?" "Damn cartwheels every time!" 

These guards are amusingly incompetent.

I actually didn't know how to do a cartwheel until I watched this episode...and I successfully did it without training or carefully observing the animation.

(Referring to the ship with girls) "This one's got boobs and beer..." *Red dashes forward offscreen* (distant voice) "Boobs and beer!"

I'm pretty sure Ed Skudder and Zack Keller are the only ones in charge of the scripts, but still, I don't like how inconsistent the characters can be sometimes. Blue has a girlfriend and rarely engages in hookups except for the one with Sarah Connors in "Terminate-Her".

Still, when I'm enthusiastic about something, you can bet I'll become REALLY fast. I move faster, I dodge better, I type faster, I think faster... You get the idea.

Man, I can't wait to finally do Genshin Impact co-op with a girl I'm in love with.

"Hey, we only have room for one more pallet! Should we load the beer or the life vests?" "Load the BEER! No regrets!" "No regrets!"

The way these USS No Regrets crewmen said "no regrets" was REALLY catchy.

I say this in my head when I do something risky.

Sign: ¡Konnichiwa!

Ed and Zack like Mexican food according to the Kickstarter launch announcement and at least one of the staff at Six Point Harness knows Spanish fairly well. Given how Japanese pronunciation is somewhat similar to Spanish, I can see where this mistake comes from. Japanese doesn't use upside-down punctuation marks.

They probably know some Japanese too, given their use of kanji. Maybe this sign was intentionally gratuitous.

But then again, I think all the passengers on the USS No Regrets are American so they don't have to put the upside-down exclamation marks.

Chapter 4

Son-san: The Raccoon? I hate that guy. His voice sounds-a so stupid.

The funnier thing about this is most raccoons in the movie regardless of age and gender are voiced EXACTLY the same way by Ed Skudder. In other words, it's like Ed Skudder is roasting himself.

(What if Sora The Troll voiced at least one of them? He's a native Japanese speaker who's also fluent in English, after all. He does a lot of Engrish videos.)

I say this about people I hate whose voices I also hate...but trust me: so far, I don't hate any voice actors.

Examples include some politicians and my paternal grandma.

Gettin' mah quest on, singin' the quest song
Watchin' a girl get kicked in the thong
All the girls are like, "Who's that brave-ass dude?"
It's mothafuckin' Red in the Temple of Doom
Boulders, arrows, snakes, and spiders
I'm not scared of anything, not even fire
Creepy-ass castle in the mountain pass
Walkin' right inside and I'mma kickin' its ass

If only this song had a longer version, this would be PERFECT for dungeon-crawling in both video games and real life. I sometimes quietly barge into restricted areas in buildings for fun.

Lord Takagami: We are the Takagami Demon Army. Our blades burn like fire, and our fire stings like ice, and our ice is really fucking cold.

The analogies followed by a Captain Obvious statement. Wow. The use of Arson, Murder, and Jaywalking combined with being Sophisticated As Hell.

This is another line I say when I'm feeling cold in real life. Showering in Christmas without a heater is really fucking cold.

I'm sure Eric Bauza had a ton of fun voicing this line. It's fun for me too.

"Dude, shut up! The cops are coming!" "They're not cops--they're demons!" (music pauses) "Oh, really?" "Why do demons scare you less than cops!?" "Demons don't have guns!"

Context: Earlier while Red and Blue were running from the Takagami Demon Army, Red asked if there are cops coming. Blue bluntly said "Yes."

I think this is a reference to how cops in Grand Theft Auto are impossible to completely annihilate. No matter how many you kill, they just keep coming. You have to evade them.

Also, Red has killed monsters and groups of martial artists before in "Real Dudes Bros Night Man" and "Kung Fu Winners" respectively but actually served jail time in "Fang Angels".

I don't know about you, but demons scare me more than cops. Most cops are good. All demons are evil, no exceptions.

Chapter 5

Japanese Dock Worker: Be very careful with that dynamite. It's going to the exprosion factory.

When I need to be careful with something in real life, I say this in my head because the idea of an explosion factory is just amusing combined with the /r/ instead of the /l/ pronunciation.

"Rowboat triiip! Whoo!" "Would you shut up? I don't know if you've noticed or not, but we're in some deep shit!" "Uh, I think it's called a rowboat."

Having watched "Freshman 15" and never heard the compound noun "rowboat", I really thought Red was talking about a robotrip. Heck, I thought he amusingly mispronounced "robot" on purpose.

Red: That was one time! You're just racist against elephants!

I play this line in my head as a way to tell myself, "LT, relax. He/she only made that mistake once." And when the person did not make that mistake again but I thought he/she would, I jokingly tell myself, "You're racist against elephants!"

On a less funny and more political note, I can't stand how so many things these days are considered "racist" or "sexist", even things that have nothing to do with race or sex. For example, the idea that "math is racist" doesn't make sense because math is made up of objective truths that anyone can potentially learn regardless of race. There are nerds, knuckleheads, and everything in between among all races.

Chapter 6

(Blue's nightmare about Red beating up the bullies) "Hey, baby, this one's for you."

I got this idea very recently because, the day I put this line, I dreamt of Sangonomiya Kokomi being one of my students. She's my 2nd waifu behind Sucrose; she's an option if Sucrose is unavailable.

But yeah, I'm a show-off when I fight the Gold's Gym trainers. I make really loud kiai and I bow after fighting.

"If you fart, I'll kill you!" "Careful, if I fart, I'll kill you."

When I'm actively trying to avoid seeing someone but there's a chance I'll see them anyway, this pops into my brain. It's like I wanna do stuff that gets on this person's nerves like ratting them out for doing something wrong while the mere presence of this person is enough to irritate me.

Most young people and some middle-aged adults these days have easy-to-sting egos so even a tiny bit of brutally honest but polite and constructive criticism is enough to offend them. And...well, I can be brutally honest.

"You're a pilot?" "And an alcoholic! A thousand flights, a thousand crashes! Perfect record."

Man, Cpt Maj Lt Crookygrin PFC Ret must've cost the Royal Air Force a fortune.

When I work under the influence of alcohol water, I say this line in my head.

"Dude, we're screwed!" "Maaaybe not. You thinkin' what I'm thinkin'?" "Never." "We just get this guy sloshed and he'll be as blind as a pelican!" "Pelicans aren't blind!" "Come on!"

This was actually a GREAT idea on Red's part. For context, Crookygrin is actually on a mission to hunt down Red and Blue but has alcohol blindness so he couldn't see Red and Blue in his aircraft. He quit drinking to focus on this mission.

Red later convinced Crookygrin to drink with him and it worked.

I love it when I turn bad situations around like this.

Just let me chug water and I'll be fit to work again.

Chapter 7

Blue: Oh, shit! Jetpack demon ninjas!

I was seriously convinced these guys would only have tech from feudal Japan. Turns out Red was wrong. The Takagami Demon Army has submachine guns!

I love the occasional sheer absurdity in this movie.

Mr. Dingleberry's newspaper headlines, left to right, top to bottom: EAGLES SEEN CARRYING MAN UP TO HEAVEN, COL. DINGLEBERRY SEEN LOWERING PAPER, JETPACK NINJAS FRIENDS OR FOES?, MIME MURDER ON THE RISE, NEWSPAPER: TOO TOPICAL?, PLANE CRASH IMMINENT

Yeah, this is obviously a huge joke. I love it when pausable shows like this expect the viewer to pause and look at the funny details.

You could argue that it's more magical than the Daily Prophet (the Harry Potter newspaper with moving pictures) given how some of the stories literally happened a few minutes or seconds ago. It even predicted the future!

Chapter 8

Blue to the French waitress having sex with Red: Il a beaucoup de crabes pénis. (He has lots of penis crabs.)

I had to Google Translate this one. Sorry. I don't know French.

I love how the subtitles were animated on this one word-for-word. The "crabs" word moved out of the way when "penis" was put in between. This could be useful for learning languages. That Japanese Man Yuta, what do you think? (Yuta-sensei is also learning French.)

And the waitress actually believed Blue and was disgusted by Red. Oof.

"Ugh. Why are you always bossing everybody around? What are you, the king of Europe?" "We just don't have time for another interrup--" *lights shut off* "--tion."

I feel like it's a tactician instinct for me to tell others what to do.

This line pops into my head whenever I tell someone what to do and they're not very enthusiastic about doing it.

Baguette, baguette, it looks just like a DICK
You bake it in the oven and it smells just like a SHIT
'Cause France's favorite meal is DAT BABY NAZI ASS CHEESE POWER FART!

This song by Lord Tourettes is what actually made me want to buy and eat baguettes in real life. I love it when fictional media has elements of other real-world cultures.

Chapter 9

Lord Tourettes about the Eiffel Tower: Fun fact: This tower was ERECTED in 1889.

I'll never forget the year the Eiffel Tower was completed thanks to this epic line.

Lord Tourettes: (quietly) The last piece of the sword is a FFFFF-FFF-FF-gem, it's a gem, and it's hidden in ASSMMMMM-in a mountain behind your KUHIR-KER-LUR-QWAK-hometown... FANTASTIQUE!

Yes, I wrote it exactly as written in the letter. Despite being "in French" according to Blue, we can see this line on the P.S. while Crookygrin was giving the letter to Red and Blue. Most of the letter was, in fact, in English.

It's addressed to Mr. Dingleberry, but it also makes sense for Red and Blue since Mr. Dingleberry is their landlord.

What doesn't make sense is how this part was written as if Lord Tourettes is saying it despite being signed by Crookygrin. Y tho?

Chapter 10

Narrator (voiced by Zack Keller): And so, Red and Blue escaped from the Takagami Demon Army and the French Police and took a long, convoluted map journey home to find the last piece of the Great Sword of Destiny so Blue can get Pink a birthday present...or something. I dunno--this movie's crazy. Am I in your mind? Are you in mine? Rrrraaaahhhh!!!

When something is uncertain in life, all I can say is, "This movie's crazy."

Chapter 11

*inserts gem into the Great Sword of Destiny* "Rrrraaaahhhh!!! Oh my God, check this out! It is so cool! Isn't this cool?" *stabs a mook* "Oh, boss, that feels crazy."

You'd think in a situation like this, the villain would say something fancy-schmancy like "Mwahahahaha! At long last, I have seized ultimate power! All mortals shall fall before my might!"

But again, I love Lord Takagami's unusually casual lingo along with, this time, the mook's. Even after being stabbed to death, Eric Bauza's voice made the mook use "crazy" as a positive adjective.

"We're in for a huge fight, aren't we?" "You know it! Try to take some notes." "Pssh, yeah, right. I didn't play all those video games for nothing!"

Blue's line sums up most of my fighting style. I really didn't play all those video games for nothing. Heck, I'm now a YouTuber!

"New challenger appears! KO! Flawless Victory! Finish him! Oh my God, this is actually working!" "Yeah, dude, keep doing it!" "Hadoken!" "Brutality!" "Animality!" "Bestiality!" "Gross."

I didn't recognize most of these aside from "KO". Heck, I didn't even know what a "Hadoken" was despite having played Street Fighter. I only learned the move name when I was older.

The others mostly came from Mortal Kombat.

(Flashback) "If you ever want to fight evil, you must keep your elbows straight." "Father, one day, I want to go to America!" "That is not a country yet."

I wonder what exactly it means to "keep your elbows straight" in this case. I think there are stances in kendo with bent elbows.

According to Wikipedia, the samurai existed from the late 12th century to 1876. The US signed the Declaration of Independence in 1776. My guess is this scene was prior to the Sengoku period (1467-1615) since this is a very important war period in the history of Japan.

How does Father-san know about America, though? lololol

"You are Lord Takagami!?" "Did you ever wonder why we have the same last name?" "Impossibruuu!!!"

I loved Raccoon's "Impossibruuu!!!" a lot because the kids' magazine K-Zone used it a lot.

"Father-san, why did you become so evil?" "I had to avenge all the people who have died in the world." "But, by killing people, aren't you creating more people you need to avenge?" "Yes... This way, I can do this sweet job forever!" "You are evil..." "Huhhh... And you kept your elbows straight." "Sayonara, Father-san."

Yeah, that response by Raccoon was very smart. Father-san, on the other hand, was blatantly evil. He seemed happy about it, though, which, combined with the use of the "sweet" word, made it kinda funny, just like when he said "fuck you" to the Raccoon. Yeah, he's a massive douchebag.

In this situation, though, "さようなら sayounara" was appropriate. Japanese people say it when a loved one is dead or they won't see a friend or family member for a long time.

"Boys, your town is in grave danger." "Oh my God! Pink!" "She's probably fine." *Ocho Muerte wrecks a tower* "Okay, we should probably get down there."

When I think a bad situation is under control but it really isn't, I get this line in my head.

Chapter 12

"D-d-dude, I'm slipping! You can't pull me up with just one arm?" "But I'll drop the sword!" "Do it or you'll drop me!" "...Sorry, dude." "What?" *Red drops Blue into Ocho Muerte's mouth* "Nooo!" *chomp*
(back to Blue hanging onto Red) "Red! Did you just imagine dropping me!?" "Mayyybeee... Ah, fuck it." *Red drops Blue and the sword* "Reeed!" *chomp*
"Stop imagining ways to kill me and pull me up!" "Naaahhh..." *Red falls off along with Blue and the sword* "Aaaahhhh!" *chomp*

Red, you troll.

When I'm lazy, I say "Ah, fuck it." and "Naaahhh..."

In instant messaging, I often type these as "ah fk it" and "naaahhh" respectively. Yes, I deliberately do not capitalize them to emphasize my laziness.

"Just stop pooping in my bed, okay?" "I never pooped in your bed." "I've been pooping in my sleep!?" "Naw, just messing with ya. I poop in your bed, but I won't anymore."

Red trolled me AGAIN with this part. Ed Skudder's voice acting combined with the animation is SO good.

"I'm...alive?" "Whoa. We thought you were super dead." "Srsly."

Thanks to this, I now say "super dead" every time I brutally kill something, usually a cockroach or mosquito, but also in video games.

"Young lovers, this sacred lotus flower has kept our love strong for 10,000 years. May it do the same for you." *Blue and Pink bow* "Nintendo." *Papa-san and Mama-san bow as well*

The way I interpret the kanji of "Nintendo" (任天堂) is "Hall of Heavenly Duty". I know this is mainly meant to be a joke but, on a more serious note, I think what Blue meant is he will honor his commitment to Pink. LIKE IT SHOULD BE! Red, take notes.

Credits Animations

Joel Moser

Did you know that some parts of Dick Figures The Movie like the Paris pursuit were actually 3D-animated? Yep. Joel Moser did those. They just don't move smoothly--I think some frames were cut out in-between to show an illusion of 2D animation to maintain consistency.

That plane and those vehicles would've been REALLY hard to hand-draw frame by frame otherwise. Yeah, Joel really deserves those cool shades.

Brock Gallagher

Most of it was party-style dancing...then it turned into him spinning like a ballet dancer. Whaaat?

Was this animation also partially done by Joel Moser? The spinning was very smooth.

Ryan Khatam

He looked like he was on drugs the whole time. That spinning into the background thing was funny to me since I saw it a lot in other cartoons as a kid.

Nick Keller

This one was one of the best including Joel Moser's and Lynn Wang's. The lighting effects and the "YEAH!" at the last frame were sick--they were a great transition to the scrolling credits.

Credits: No animals were harmed in the making of this film. Lots of stick figures were though.

Press F for Crookygrin. Best drunk boi I've ever seen so far.

Autotuned Bee: That shit was crazy! Yeah!

It was.

Thank you to everyone at Six Point Harness, MondoMedia, and the Kickstarter backers for shaping my teenage years. I had an absolute blast.

Related Media

Dick Figures The Movie Kickstarter Launch

Note that, to match the characters they mainly voice, Ed Skudder is represented by red while Zack Keller is represented by blue.

"Is this Ed and Zack?" "Yeah, I want a big Hollywood studio." "Your idea for a Dick Figures movie sucks and I hate you." "Good, I'm glad!" *Ed Skudder drops the phone*

Of course, people talking to someone they hate usually won't sound this direct right off the bat but dang, do I like the amusing way it's voiced.

"Can I go home now?" "NO!"

Yeah...my family has no idea but they should blame this video for why I say "NO!" to them with an imitation of Ed Skudder's voice.

"Please come over."
"NO! I don't wanna!"

(Zack speaking in Blue's voice) "And on top of that, we documented the entire thing, so if you wanna get involved, you get an exclusive look at how an animated film is created and the awesome behind-the-scene world of Dick Figures." (normal voice to Ed) "How was that?" "Terrible. Do it again." *Zack crumples the script while giving Ed a stare of disapproval* "I hate you."

I read that Zack Keller uses his normal voice to voice Blue, but thanks to this scene, I noticed the subtle difference between his Blue voice and his normal voice. Blue's is slightly higher-pitched except in some lines such as "Time to jack off." Notice the differences between how Zack speaks during the rest of this video and while reading his script.

Of course, in real life, Ed and Zack are (or were?) good friends--they studied together in the same animation school and stuck together at least until the last episode of Dick Figures. It's still amusing though when they have an occasional "I hate you." relationship like the characters they voice.

Someone let me know how Ed and Zack's friendship is doing because I don't stay updated with their post-Dick Figures works. These guys really shaped my early teenhood.