Season 5 and Comic Kamikaze - Dick Figures Nostalgia

My Story in Season 5

This is where I steadily lost my interest in Dick Figures. This had some of the longest gaps between episodes: 4 months between "Robot Frog" and "Comic Kamikaze" and 8 months between "Comic Kamikaze" and "GTA: Pacific Grim", the first Season 5 episode. To be fair, Six Point Harness was very busy animating the successfully funded Dick Figures The Movie...but still, the damage was done. My hype for Season 5 was killed by the release of the movie...which I watched over and over because it resonated so much with me--it was the height of my Dick Figures fandom.

The first 3 episodes of Season 5 were released a week apart from each other which was strange compared to the usual 2-week gap. There was then a 7-month delay between Episode 43 "Snowjob" and Episode 44 "DFTM Fan Music Video feat. Ninja Sex Party"...which is where my hype REALLY got killed.

I was introduced to Minecraft in July 2013 and it quickly became one of my favorite video games of all time to the point of overtaking Dick Figures for years in terms of my liking...until now where I felt nostalgia for the show and got kinda bored of Minecraft. (Don't worry, I'll still play it every week! I must continue my training to be the best Hytale general I can be!)

But enough rambling.

"Comic Kamikaze" came out first, though it's not technically part of Season 5. I chose to put it here because I LOVE Season 4 but I feel like Season 5 is just OK.

Comic Kamikaze

Shane Danells's comic: "Hey, did you ever imagine how it would be to be alcohol?" (Alcohol) "Oh my God! He is back! I don't wanna diiie! Aaaahhhh!!!" "I'm a MONSTER!" "Do we really have to talk about this every week?"

Note that I don't consider this canon. I think it's unusual for Red to be concerned about anything or anyone except himself...but it's funny and that's what's most important, hence why it's one of the three winning comics.

Again, this reminds me of my water addiction. And even though I play "I'm a MONSTER!" in my head, it's just for fun. It doesn't make me a monster.

When our dog, Oreo, was a puppy, she would often play with us and go inside the house when we didn't want her to do so. As such, whenever she went inside, I screamed in a pretentiously cartoony voice, "Oh no! The crazy dog is back! I don't wanna diiie! Aaaahhhh!!!"

Sorry to the other artists, by the way. I didn't find your comics particularly funny or touching, but congratulations on making it to this mini-episode.

#41: GTA: Pacific Grim

This episode REALLY enticed me just because of the GTA part of the name, even though I had no idea what Pacific Rim was. Although I had played other open-world games like Jak II before, the Grand Theft Auto series was special to me because it gave the player a lot of freedom to cause chaos and destruction in a wide variety of ways.

But anyway, I think the title was meant to make fun of Grand Theft Auto V and Pacific Rim having very similar release dates to Dick Figures The Movie, with Pacific Rim being released on July 12, 2013, and BOTH Dick Figures The Movie and GTA V being released on September 17, 2013.

Still, I wonder why they changed "Pacific Rim" but not "GTA"... Even Red name-dropped the acronym GTA which made me feel butterflies of excitement in my stomach.

Blue: Dude, this mall is tight. It's got everything. Fro-Yo, Sno-Co, No-Bros...

EXACTLY how I feel when I see anything feature-packed, not necessarily a mall (i.e. it can be someone else's house, a hotel, a video game, or even a website, though being an actual mall is a huge plus).

By the way, I know "Fro-Yo" means "frozen yogurt", but I intentionally write this as a proper noun because there are stalls on the background of this scene indicated with "FRO-YO", "SNO-CO", and "NO-BROS".

(Oh wait--but the mall is literally just called "MALL"...)

(In Blue's brain, a frozen tundra) "Oh my God, it's so cold. Are you still eating Fro-Yo?" "Yeah, I got a brain freeze!" "Let go of that Fro-Yo, bro!" (In the mall) "I'll do it...for my family!" *crushes the Fro-Yo*

This is one of the lines I recite in my frozen brain when I feel cold in the shower, alongside "And since your fighting is weak like wet noodles..." from "Kung Fu Winners" and "...and our ice is really fucking cold." from Dick Figures The Movie. Ironically, this helps me endure the cold by making me laugh with nostalgia.

On some years on Christmas, January, and February, it can feel cold at night. This year, in particular, is probably the coldest Christmas I've ever experienced--even noontime is cold despite the Philippines having no winter.

Game: Brains synchronized. Smart move, idiots.

I had no idea how their brains got synchronized way back then, but now, I know. Red normally doesn't care about Blue's problems, but this time, he did, leading Blue to crush his Fro-Yo.

I didn't really laugh at "Smart move, idiots," but I got the irony. Red and Blue make bad decisions a lot, leading to the general insult "idiots", but this time, they played smart.

I think this is what I tell myself when I do well in a task I'm normally unenthusiastic or nervous about.

#42: Hardcore Chore

I think this episode is where Dick Figures REALLY got serious about making fun of the censorship and denial of ad revenue for videos with swear words and other mildly "vulgar" stuff on YouTube.

In addition to the Cluster F-Bombs thrown in the beginning, this episode used an unusually high amount of Gosh Dang It to Heck! by Dick Figures standards.

Man, I hope Google gets a change of leadership and/or ethical standards similar to Elon Musk taking over Twitter.

Red: Gimme all your groceries NOW! Put it in the cart! Put it in the cart! (referring to half wheat bread) That shit better be whole wheat!

Yeah, I wonder why bread and cereal manufacturers market whole wheat like crazy. That's why seeing "half wheat" on that pack of bread made me laugh: no one says "half wheat".

Red: *sees "Cleaning" on the chore list* Cleaning? Nooo! No--gack--ack--*fart* Aaack... *faints*

Don't pile work on me one after another or this will happen to me.

Okay, not literal fainting. You'll just hear me complain a LOT.

I recently learned that a weakness of people with autism (Asperger's syndrome is an Autism Spectrum Disorder) is they like to do things in routine ways; suddenly interfering with those routines can frustrate them.

Unfortunately, given the constantly changing nature of this family in general, including but not limited to Dad being too busy or pained by psoriasis to leave the house, Mom getting delivery requests that Dad can't fulfill but I can, and my younger brother having unpredictable ROTC schedules, I'm often assigned as the one to deal with family and business emergencies. After all, my personality type is Virtuoso (ISTP) and I'm the household's barbarian, rogue, and technomancer, as well as one of two drivers. The ROTC in particular prevents me from doing English classes and making videos.

#43: Snowjob

Red: *shivering in a blizzard* Oh, why, oh, why, did I get so drunk? I have to pee out of my tree trunk.

This is SO appropriate given my water addiction. How did this slip my mind in favor of "DRINKING! DRINKING! DRINKING!" and "Flippin' over cups, gettin' drunk on Mount Olympus"?

As fun as it is for me to drink a lot of water, I often end up regretting it later on such as when I'm in the middle of a lesson--if I leave my seat, it wastes the student's time and I respect their time too much.

Pink to Blue: Wait, aren't you worried about Red?

Pink hates Red, but I really respect her for this. She cares for her boyfriend's needs. Combined with previous episodes, this is the kind of relationship I like to see in real life...minus the Gratuitous Foreign Languages, of course.

#44: DFTM Fan Music Video feat. Ninja Sex Party

The fan animation clips didn't really appeal to me...and honestly, the song is better when watched along with the credits, so I didn't enjoy seeing this as a standalone episode.

That shit was totally amazing
Your brain cannot even comprehend

I'd normally get suspicious of brands that say something like this unironically but, combined with the drums and vocals, the movie was genuinely good for both my teen and adult selves.

Perhaps what amped up this feeling even further was the ending scene where Blue successfully got Pink a birthday gift. I wanted that feeling of a successful adventure...and romance, of course.

This film had ten scenes of action
And everyone together said "fuck" 21 times, yeah!

I misheard "This film had ten scenes of action" as "Stay still for tense scenes of action"...which honestly still sounds really cool. I loved EVERY action scene in the movie.

Only 21 uses of "fuck"? They actually counted them. Wow. I've watched the movie countless times but never paid attention to the number of uses of "fuck"...let alone the lyrics of this song.

Dick Figures, Dick Figures
Someone get a doctor 'cause this movie's fuckin' totally sick

I knew the meaning of "sick" as a positive slang adjective even WAY back when I was a kid when I played a basketball game on a really old phone. This is the first time I've heard it used as a joke referencing the literal meaning.

Yeah, somebody bring Dick Figures The Movie to the ER.

I counted ten fucking explosions
And jetpack demon ninjas that rocked your face

Yeah...as a teen, I only paid attention to "explosions" and "jetpack demon ninjas". I mean, the movie was advertised to have "Fights. Explosions. Explosion fights." And they delivered. The idea of jetpack demon ninjas sounds absurd...but it happened.

One of those explosions was an octopus
Sorry for the spoiler but it's your fault
That'll teach you to listen to the soundtrack before you watch the movie
I mean, for God's sake, who does that stupid piece of--

I promise I knew none of the tracks used in Dick Figures The Movie after "First Day of Cool".

Still, I'm now having a mild guilt trip for laughs. Hytale released many of its music tracks way ahead of the release but, thankfully, I think none of them are spoiler-y.

Oops, our bad
Sorry about your ju-u--u-unk...
Just kidding, fuck you!
DICK FIGURES!

Man, I'm glad I didn't pay attention to how offensive this song's lyrics are because the ending melody hit me REALLY hard in a good way.

I was trolled into thinking the rest of the music will be slow and somber or something to make me contemplate the dramatic events of the movie afterward...but then "Just kidding, fuck you!" hit and I thought to myself, "Boom! Now THAT'S an ending!"

"Paris Pursuit" played afterward in the movie credits which I think is a great choice given how it's action-packed.

#45: Red Planet

Blue: (excitedly) Oh man, it's the captain! I wonder where we're going...

Blue thinks they got plane tickets, hence the excitement. Instead, they rode a spaceship to Mars.

Speaking of planes, I feel relief whenever the captain of an aircraft speaks to the passengers. It's a break from the usual formal pre-recorded female voices telling us the basic safety stuff. The captain tells us a TON of useful information like the weather, altitude (I think), and distance to the destination...which is very convenient since I easily feel physically uncomfortable even during domestic flights.

Oh boy... Can I potentially survive a trip to the United States? I want to go to Florida because of Miami Beach and Gov. Ron DeSantis, after all...

Captain: Now go complete your mission. The rover is stuck. Flip that bitch over...but flip that bitch over carefully! It cost 30 trillion dollars. Kthxbye.

Why is "flip that bitch over" so funny to me? The voice, man! And the use of a swear word!

Maybe, to motivate myself to do something that requires careful handling, I should say "flip that bitch over" in my head.

#46: A Hobbit of Thrones

At first, I didn't enjoy this episode at all because I got bored with the series as a whole and I didn't know both Game of Thrones and Lord of the Rings. I didn't even pay attention when Blue said "This is Dungeons & Dragons, not Game of Thrones!"--he said it so fast.

I still have no clue what Game of Thrones and LoTR are, but having played D&D, I understood most of the jokes.

For those who don't know, a d4 is a 4-sided die and a d20 is a 20-sided die. Generally, the higher you roll, the more favorable the outcome, such as more damage or a higher chance to perform a task successfully.

At the end of the episode, however, Blue said "There! Rolled a d20!" I think he meant "rolled a 20 on his d20", which almost always means a perfectly favorable outcome--in D&D 5th Edition, when attacking, it results in a critical hit.

Note that I'm using the Dick Figures characters' real names instead of their D&D character names for this episode. Red and Blue weren't referred to as Maroon and Cerulean respectively and the other characters besides the Raccoon lacked in-game names.

Blue to Pink: Thou looketh mad sexy in that cosplay outfit. You're giving me a d20.

Too bad there's little you can do to dress up a stick figure. Pink looks normal to the viewer.

Not gonna lie, I'm nervous but mostly excited to see my hypothetical girlfriend wear a cosplay outfit of a character I like. If she wears Sangonomiya Kokomi's or Sucrose's outfit, I'd be literally speechless for several seconds.

I would take pictures with her while wearing a Xingqiu cosplay outfit. No Xingyun (Xingqiu x Chongyun) shipper will stop me.

I'm guessing the d20 joke here refers to Blue's dick size.

Red to Blue: A'ight, Dungeon Master-baiter, let's do this.

Funny how I watched "Hardcore Chore" and knew the word "masturbate" but didn't understand this joke. Oh well--I didn't even know what a "Dungeon Master" does.

In my D&D games with Aby and YoSquid where I was the Dungeon Master, my character was the butt of many jokes. At the time Genshin Impact was released, I was referred to as "emergency food". When I got KO'd by a flock of stirges, they left me to die...and I failed all 3 death saving throws (meaning I actually died).

They changed their mind a few in-game minutes later and did a ritual for the God of Time to wind back the flow of time on my body, resurrecting me in the process. Upon finishing the ritual, the Time God tried to leave with my character being resurrected, but the two interrupted him, causing me to faint again. It happened twice--I made the Time God a little annoyed and I made myself say, "Freaking stop making me faint!"

And don't even get me started with someone I know whose username was changed by someone else to be "MasterBaiter69".

Blue: So, the valiant troupe of warriors trekked towards the mountain of gold protected by a CG dragon with a level 19 Firestrike of the Mighty Hammer!

I should throw in more movie jokes like "CG dragon".

Heck, I could even make game dev jokes: "YoSquid's arrow seems to defy the laws of collision boxes as it pierces all the way through the foul beast's body, dealing X damage!"

But dang! This party must be REALLY strong despite its members'...rather ordinary appearances! I wonder how Blue got the players to agree on being strong from the beginning... (I don't think they've been playing the same campaign for months.) I offered a similar option to Aby and YoSquid but they chose to start at level 1.

Pink: (high on pot) And then fuckin' cheeseburgers came out of the trees! They're treesburgers! Hehehehe...

The tree behind Pink got its leaves turned into a giant cheeseburger shortly afterward.

This reminds me of Regular Show's D&D parody where main characters Mordecai and Rigby realize they can defeat Darthon, the ruler of the Realm of Darthon, using their imaginations. For example, when Darthon "washed away the party with a flood", Mordecai countered with "Our +3 awesomeness repels water!" And the flood didn't touch Mordecai and Rigby at all.

But this brings me a lesson: I gotta learn to play around Aby's and YoSquid's playful antics instead of telling them they're basically not playing how I expect them to play.

Pink to the Trollz0r cloud: And then it disappears and we win and order pizza!

Yes, the Trollz0r cloud actually exploded after this. Pizza slices then rained on the mountain.

Okay, I'm not sure how to play around this as a Dungeon Master. I'd rather play a game with cheats like Grand Theft Auto than have a situation like this in a tabletop RPG, whether I'm a player or a game master.

Red: Then the Red Knight opens a tequila potion! *a potion-shaped bottle of tequila appears in Red's hands*

This reminds me of when Aby handed my character a water bottle before scouting a forest. I made myself make a car engine-like revving sound while maintaining a straight face then I rolled a 19 in my Dexterity (Acrobatics) check and swung like a monkey. I found two goblins camping in the process.

#47: Das Vidiamond

I struggled with this one as well...but here goes.

Red: If it's in a briefcase, it's free! Capitalism!

How to trigger communists and socialists in a nutshell. It's like saying "Voldemort" in Harry Potter--people are scared to hear it.

#48: Trash God

Ant: Behold...the Holy Crap! (shows Red's poop)

The only other time I've seen a "holy crap" joke is in Markiplier's rage compilation.

I love it when expressions are turned literal like this.

#49: Chick Figures

Salmon: (sarcastically) Scarlet. Nice of you to show up... (Scarlet vomits) ...and throw up.

Interestingly, it's usually Blue who tells Red to go away instead of Pink doing it.

If you ask me, I usually won't allow our own friends to accompany us during dates. I've heard some...bad anecdotal stories of these friends ruining dates such as by shifting the dating couple's attention away from each other or by "leading" the date against the will of at least one person (i.e. Let's go do this activity!)

On a first date, I allow our parents to join us to act as guardians...though I mainly invite my own parents to defend me in case of a scam or physical fight--I've been conned before and I'm terrible at disarming.

#50: Happy Birthdump

This episode is exclusively shown on MondoMedia's website...likely again due to the censorship and favoring of long watch times over views on YouTube.

At the time, I didn't like watching videos on sites other than YouTube because I found that they take MUCH longer to buffer even on the same Internet connection. We had a measly 3 Mbps. Now, I can watch just fine.

*gasp* "Where's my car!?" "It's a Mexican place, man! It's probably on cinderblocks already!" *next scene shows a Mexican eagle flying away with Blue's car*

Blue CLEARLY doesn't remember the third rule of Mexico: "STAY IN THE CAR!" (Watch Episode 36 "The Red Devil" for context.)

Mexican eagles in real life do steal, but it's food from other animals. I guess Dick Figures just like to meme on them because they're named after Mexico, a country riddled with crime.

Storefronts: SO MANY TOILETS EMPORIUM, UP SHIT CREEK The Paddle Store, Flushing Gardens

Context: Red and Blue desperately need to poop after eating at a Mexican restaurant whose horribly unhealthy food gave them food poisoning.

Ain't this scene just a mega troll. Torturing the characters by "crafting" their environment based on their immediate and urgent problems.

Again, this reminds me of how I don't like when people complain about being cold when I also feel cold--it makes the coldness worse for me.

"Abandon ship!" "I think I'm about to abandon shit!"

It's rare for Blue to be the funnier one of the two, but that's what makes these lines even funnier.

"Alright, I'll take the toilet, you take the sink!" "I always do!" "What!?"

Blue actually let Red do his dumb idea for once out of sheer desperation. Still, how could he forget that Red always poops in the sink?

Oh well, Red makes messes on a regular basis.

This is a reference to Episode 18 "Sex Marks The Spot".