The night before I wrote this blog post, I ranted on my Discord server about an ESTP Brawl Stars-playing student I had. Brawl Stars was under maintenance at the time so he wanted me to play another game on Steam...but it turns out, #1, he doesn't have a Steam account; #2, the captcha was behaving strangely; Steam wouldn't let him create an account no matter how much he tried and I helped.
I suggested to him that we play a .io game like Krunker instead since this kind of game can be played on a browser with no download required; players can jump straight in. For Krunker specifically, this kid asked me to play shooting battle royales before so I wanted something that also has guns. But he seemed to act as if I didn't say anything. (I think unhealthy Ti can be prone to singular, inflexible thinking. I'm sometimes like that.)
So I did the usual aimless thing I do as a bored INTP in my classes and asked a whole bunch of random questions when a student seemed unenthusiastic (*cough* most Japanese and Japanese-like teens *cough*). Long story short since I don't remember most of the details, I was bored of his simplistic answers and lack of curiosity and self-expression except for when...a pilot friend of his supposedly used an iPad and a MacBook while flying a plane. (I will take this with a giant grain of salt. I dislike his use of Fe and low Ni and Si: he invited me to play Minecraft Bedrock Edition once and although I was unable to play at first, I invited him months later and it turns out he hasn't even bought the game. Don't invite people to a game that you can't even play, darn it! On another side note, I'm worried I'll run into kids and elderly people like this as a technical support agent. A call center boss would have fired me on the spot given the intentionally blunt way I talked in that "English lesson".)
Alevius Plots to Take Over Amidst the Chaos!
In the middle of my rant, Glacie, my Singaporean friend, interrupted, ranting that Discord servers seem to suddenly fall silent when he starts talking. Alevius, my American INTP friend, replied that she's thankful that none of us (me, Aby, Glacie, and YoSquid) thought that she was a rando and that they welcomed her with open arms. I expressed how impressed and thankful I was but also regretted not giving Alevius a proper introduction since I was the leader and I invited her. She was OK with it...but she also put a code block saying:
(My master plan to take over LT's server is progressing nicely...hm, what, me? Nothing.)
For context, I put code blocks to represent in-game events in Dungeons & Dragons (D&D) and to separate them from my personal statements as the Dungeon Master (DM).
The Battle for the Admin Throne Begins!
The events of this battle are just for fun and do not reflect our characters in our current Lost Mine of Phandelver campaign.
Turn 1
I was somewhat unsure how to react to that completely random statement so I thought of playing along with the code block thing. On the D&D channel, I started an impromptu boss battle while stealing text from Pokémon Sun and Moon when fighting a Totem Pokémon:
ALEVIUS appeared!
ALEVIUS's aura flared to life! Its INTELLIGENCE rose sharply!
Go on, LT! I know you can do it!
Alevius's normal Intelligence score is 17 (+3). Since "rising sharply" in Pokémon raises a stat by 2 stages, I added 4 to the score, making it 21 (+5).
I make an Intimidation check to scare you off of taking over my server.
I admit that Intimidation check description was super lazy; my Ti got rekt from all the previous stress. Since I scare Filipinos in real life with my brains, I used Intelligence instead of my weaker Charisma...and I got a natural 1. Makes sense since I was on an Fe grip.
Alevius runs amok, not scared by one little tactician over in the cyberverse. "Your punches can't hit me if you don't know where I am!"
"You're just lucky I'm on an Fe grip and my Ti is still coming back. I'll bite you with my brains. Take this! Concussive Smash!"
I bonk you with an overhead swing with my baseball bat!
My dad owns an aluminum baseball bat. I classify it as a greatclub, hence the Concussive Smash weapon action and the 1d8 bludgeoning damage. I know Dazed inflicts disadvantage on Wisdom saving throws, not Intelligence which Alevius specializes in as an artificer, but I prioritized flavorful roleplay since in LT's head, a good bonk to the head destroys spellcasters' brains and impairs their spellcasting.
I rolled a 19 to hit and dealt 7 damage. Alevius got a natural 1 on her Dexterity saving throw. (Yes, I incorrectly used Dexterity instead of Constitution. My bad. Either way, she got Dazed.) I thought this was a pretty good start; we both rolled nat 1s and LT dealt big damage to her.
He then used Cunning Action to disengage and stand on top of a car. I set this battle on a modern battlefield.
Turn 2
Alevius summons up her weapon, a drawing tablet, and draws a nerd-faced Xingqiu on it!
In my D&D games, I allow my players to do all sorts of ridiculous actions including but not limited to Telnior dealing emotional damage with an insult (even though he's a sorcerer, not a bard) and YoSquid asking Glacia to dress like a sexy female orc, use an AoE buttered popcorn attack, and gross people out with a butter-stained hug. This is no exception.
For context, Xingqiu is my #1 favorite character in Genshin Impact because, like me who developed a heroic personality because of video games, he got his heroism because of martial arts novels. We even have similar hairstyles.
Anyway, I made LT make a Wisdom saving throw and got a 20 (not natural). I laughed in real life at this attack so I wrote:
LT laughs out loud but keeps his mind focused, eyes flashing a piercing gaze toward the gnome!
ALEVIUS's attack missed!
If the saving throw failed, he would've taken 1d8 psychic damage and gotten disadvantage on his next d20 roll due to his distraction.
LT then whips out his smartphone, opens a WWE video on YouTube, and at the sound of the announcer, LT goes for an elbow drop!
I was imagining the whole "Watch out! Watch out! RKO!" thing but I know Alevius doesn't watch WWE so I deliberately saved time by not needing to provide context on what an RKO is. Besides, the elbow drop is one of my signature moves IRL; I never seriously paid attention to how an RKO is performed since Randy Orton is not one of my favorite superstars.
Since LT hasn't hit level 4 which is when I'll multiclass him into a monk—he only has 12 Wisdom—he only dealt 3 damage.
Turn 3
Alevius threatened, "Just you wait until I have Fireball (if artificers can learn it)..."
Good thing I learned a whole bunch from videos about improv. I replied with a variation of "No, but...": "Sadly, only the Artillerist subclass can learn Fireball. But you do have one of your fancy-schmancy Nihility-fueled (as in debuffing) Experimental Elixirs that can transform your enemies..."
This potion casts Polymorph on a target the potion is thrown at but uses a Constitution saving throw instead of Wisdom.
"How dare you attack a gnome smaller than you are! This'll knock you down to size!" Alevius throws her Experimental Elixir with the intention of turning LT into a tiny hamster!
For context, Alevius has a pet hamster named Sweet Potato. Before I invited her to my friend group, she regularly kept me updated with what was going on with that little chonker. Since my Author Avatar has an Evil Dragon Form, she joked, what if LT had an Evil Hamster Form?
With a proficiency bonus of +2 and an Intelligence modifier of +5, the spell save DC is 15. LT got a 15 but despite it being a success, it's only a small one so I felt like being nice. Instead of transforming LT's entire body, I transformed his arms: his most important limbs in combat since I'm much better at punching than kicking IRL because of my 9-year boxing training.
LT narrowly resists the potion's effects with a deep breath to avoid breathing the fumes...but they get into his skin anyway! His arms transform into tiny hamster paws!
"NOOO!!! How dare you take away my ability to use weapons!? Fine! I'mma fight you in other ways!
LT attempts to kick Alevius but struggles to maintain balance without his arms!
I inflicted disadvantage on LT's kick since in real life, I use my arms to assist in balancing my body, aiming my kick, and defending against attacks out of nowhere. Hamster paws are way too tiny to have any sort of meaningful impact. Guess what? He got another nat 1.
I made it even worse and funnier by making him make a Dexterity saving throw and it was yet another nat 1.
LT spins so horribly off-balance that he faceplants onto the ground!
LT took 2 damage!
That was a 1d6 roll, by the way.
Also, I have been obsessed with the word "faceplant" lately.
Turn 4
Alevius grabs two crossbow bolts and uses them to pin LT's clothes to the ground.
She got an 18 and a 13. Since LT can't move, I removed the AC bonus from his Dexterity, meaning he only had 11 from leather armor.
Both bolts hit! LT's long sleeves are stuck to the ground! With his hamster arms preventing him from breaking free...
LT surrenders!
ALEVIUS gained 700 EXP. Points!
STAGE CLEAR!
Turns: 4
Heroes: Alevius
LT wears a leather jacket, by the way.
Aftermath
I took Alevius's statements seriously and gave her admin permissions on my Discord server for a day. Don't worry—I fully trust that she will moderate the server well.
She was shocked but curious at the same time how the other members would react. I'm curious too. It's gonna be a mega troll for sure.
More importantly, this joke battle helped both of us relax in time for Alevius's work and for me to finish my students' notes for improvement.
So yay for us living happily ever after! The end. Suck it, Brawl Stars kid!
Moral Lesson: Enjoy the company of a friend with unhinged humor. Play along and laugh together. Remove stress. Profit.
Sorry this post took so long to make. I was so caught up in Japanese classes and lack of sleep. We've been getting a lot more morning delivery requests but my 8 PM to midnight English teaching schedule remains unchanged. My brain was fried.
Special thanks to someone I know very well who I will codename "楽・このみ Konomi" who read the first part of this D&D story! Not gonna lie, I'm surprised you know about orcs.
I felt kinda brave and confident with my reasoning behind having D&D every Saturday. I was particularly motivated by the fact that Alevius and Glacie were quick to say they were fine with it so...here we go again! Another episode in our adventure! Not gonna lie, I didn't expect this to actually happen so quickly so I think I can turn this into a whole series.
As a last-minute attendance check, I reiterated the schedule to the team 35 minutes before the game. Everyone was quick to confirm their attendance so we chatted a bit before the game to give the team some time to wind down in case they were busy with something else. Aby and Alevius discussed dengue while Glacie and I discussed the Swarm Disaster in Honkai: Star Rail. YoSquid started out by saying he was just playing Disgaea and Glacie briefly mentioned he also used to play that.
Once the conversation slowed down a bit, I asked my players if they wanted to start early and they said yes!
By the way, that pre-game casual conversation was unplanned. In retrospect, it was really nice I allowed the team to enjoy it because I've heard of D&D games that were disrupted because of players discussing non-D&D things for way too long. It also allowed Alevius to break the ice more with Aby and they seem to be getting along well. Keep that up, you two!
Mission Briefing in the Stonehill Inn
I'm gonna share a lot of this whole conversation with you readers because I think it's actually fun. It brings out the personalities of many of the characters.
LT was just about to go to bed after witnessing YoSquid's Exodia auto-win causing the goblin to be sent to the Shadow Realm faint when Telnior suddenly inquired, "What's our plan for tomorrow before we turn in?" LT summarized the details Gnome Alevius told him regarding some orc marauders on the Triboar Trail. In the meantime, Gnome Alevius was neatly arranging the adventurers' bags to make it easier to move around in the room: a nod to Alevius being an accountant whose Introverted Sensing (Si) is improving.
Telnior questioned Gnome Alevius about whether or not she had permits to build and operate her machines. She refuted this by saying we'll be in the middle of nowhere...and I agree with her—being the main characters, it's natural that the law enforcement on the Sword Coast would be incompetent.
Telnior replied, "I mean, gnomes are pests though..." *gasp* "Are you OrCIST?" (Context: I made one of the goblins in our first session racist so I guess Aby is playing along.) Aby asked to roll for "utter horror" so I made him roll 1d20 + his Charisma modifier (+3). He got a 13...and he described it as Telnior being "moderately horrified". In my head, I imagined it as Telnior scaring Alevius with that racism accusation...but in retrospect, I should've asked him to make a Wisdom saving throw against Gnome Alevius's DC of 9 (10 + her Intimidation modifier of -1). Considering his Wisdom modifier of +1, Telnior would have resisted the feeling of horror...especially since Alevius described her gnome by saying "Intimidation does not work...like, ever."
While everyone else slept on normal beds, Gnome Alevius was fine with the fact that she didn't pay for this room and was just invited for free by LT's gang so she slept on their backpacks. Don't worry—given her light weight, she didn't crush the contents!
As a way to give respect to the innkeeper (yes, my real-life moral standards leak into D&D), I imagined the beds were comfortable so I had LT say, "That was a better nap than expected! How do y'all feel?"
Telnior lamented, "One day closer to death T-T. How about you guys?"
Glacia complained, "The bed seems to be too hard. My back aches a little... Ouchie."
YoSquid's comment was quite different. "Ahhh, another day, another person to (steal)—I mean to befriend!"
Gnome Alevius flashed a cautious glance at YoSquid, fearing that her shinies may be his next target.
YoSquid kept up the greedy urges, cackling as he smelled gold. Though Gnome Alevius closed all her bags just in case, YoSquid maintained a sharp eye.
I promised myself many months ago that I would give YoSquid a chance to steal stuff for good instead of causing chaos like he usually does so I had LT suggest that, instead of the orcs ambushing people, we could ambush them and then get their weapons and sell them off. Everyone was on board with the plan: Glacia with her ranged attacks, Gnome Alevius with her distracting machines, Telnior with the opportunity to test his spells, and YoSquid not having to deal with the consequences of stealing from innocent people.
With a plan prepared thanks to quick ideas from everyone, LT politely bade goodbye to the innkeeper, relayed Glacia's complaint, and the team moved out.
Preparing to Ambush the Ambushers
I pictured the party as being deep in the Triboar Trail in the direction of Wyvern Tor to the east of Phandalin.
Almost everyone searched the area with Gnome Alevius checking if the area seemed orc-friendly and LT climbing up a tree to gain a higher viewpoint. They all got high rolls...except for LT who got a pathetically low 3 so his vision was too heavily obscured by the leaves. I thus let the team discover an orc eating beef at the bottom of a cliff based on several very clear clues like footprints, orcs' body odor, and the smell of non-orc blood.
Guess who's the only character who didn't roll? YoSquid who just sat there being lazy. He gave a "Good job, team! So proud of us!" but that was it.
Gnome Alevius tried to comfort LT but failed because of her low Charisma. Yeeeaaahhh...inferiorExtroverted Feeling (Fe) do be like that. But the real Alevius is really nice to me so I let LT take the gnome's support in a nice way.
Telnior inferred that someone fought the orcs before and LT confirmed it, saying that there were only orc traces here (aside from those who fought the orcs). (In retrospect, that was not a very good conclusion given the possibility of orcs working together with a smarter kind of evil humanoid.)
Glacia suspected the blood was from animals killed by the orcs. LT refuted it, saying that the blood smelled like his own and was different from the smell of meats commonly eaten by humans. (Yes, I have smelled my own blood IRL such as after killing mosquitoes that bit me recently.) Not gonna lie, though, that was still a decent argument given that Glacia's favored terrain is the forest which I imagined this part of the Triboar Trail to be.
Before doing something about the orc, Telnior asked LT to come up with a plan. Alevius and YoSquid quickly got ideas: checking for a nearby scouting party in case we get counter-ambushed and...just going Leeroy Jenkins respectively. LT suggested defeating the orc in combat before interrogating it: a balance between my bloodlust and hunger for knowledge.
Once everyone else presented their ideas (Glacia was fine with simply killing the orc), Telnior presented his: diplomacy. I rolled with it since I think it's unfair to just fight, fight, fight as Blaine Simple pointed out...as much as I greatly enjoy fighting.
Rollercoaster Diplomacy
Telnior volunteered to do the diplomacy as he was the character with the highest Charisma score. Everyone else hid in bushes or treetops in case the diplomacy went wrong; the party could jump out and rescue Telnior.
LT was naturally the first to come up with this hiding idea. He found it exciting since sneak attacks are his specialty—they feel to him like "free kills".
Glacia hid on a treetop as befitting of a forest-specializing ranger.
Gnome Alevius, being naturally terrified of larger creatures, hid to avoid being an orc meal.
YoSquid hid because, in his own words, he is definitely not lazy.
Glacia and YoSquid initially both rolled a 9 in Stealth but I allowed them to reroll by having LT quietly point out that their legs were sticking out. It's not THAT low of a roll given an orc's Passive Perception of 10. The two elves eventually got excellent rolls so everyone was fully hidden within the leaves.
Glacia was relieved while YoSquid commented they went from the worst to the best hiders. Hehe.
Telnior started approaching the orc with an "Eherm." to avoid startling him.
The orc snarled at Telnior cautiously.
Telnior initiated a casual conversation. "Uh, hello, friend! Enjoying the beef?"
The orc aggressively ate the rest of his hunk in one go and threw the bones behind him with great force.
"Yes! Very tasty. Now what do you want?"
"Just friendship, old boy."
I wanted to give the orc a bad temper and comprehension so I wrote in reply: As soon as you said the word "old", the orc's voice rumbles and he flexes his arms, greatclub in hand. "I AM NOT OLD!" LT quietly pulls out his dagger just in case.
Telnior reassured the orc that he was just trying to be nice then asked where the orc's friends were.
I had the orc immediately reply with his friends' location: a cave at Wyvern Tor. I wanted to make him gullible.
"How many of them? They all eating beef like you?" I like the way Telnior replied—he was casual while trying to get juicy info.
"I forgot...Five? Ten? Sixty-nine? And yeah, we all love eating beef. Boss is quite picky with high-quality cows."
In the middle of the conversation, Telnior rolled a 22 on a Perception check and found a shiny golden-looking dagger on the orc's belt.
He told the orc that he could make the food last longer...and even multiply it given how food can spoil during travel. In return, the orc could show him the golden dagger.
Unfortunately, Telnior rolled a natural 1 so the orc immediately and fiercely refused. (In retrospect, this was very good diplomacy so I should've given advantage.)
Telnior took a more action-oriented approach: he told the orc that he was actually going to show the spell to preserve the orc's meat. At the same time, he made a hand signal for the party to get ready. Instead of targeting the meat, though, Telnior fired a frostbite spell at the orc's face!
However, the orc succeeded in his Constitution saving throw.
I should've given disadvantage since this orc was unprepared. Either way, the orc was surprised. In my house rules, being surprised also forces a creature to move last in initiative order.
The wild ORC was surprised!
Roll for initiative.
"Aim For the Head!"
Upon realizing the orc didn't feel a thing from Telnior's spell, he called out to the rest of the party, "MORONS, LITTLE HELP HERE?"
"I was just eating popcorn and playing a card game while you were talking," YoSquid replied...probably casually.
Because everyone besides Telnior was emerging from the bushes, I gave YoSquid advantage on his first attack: a handaxe throw to the orc's face. However, it bounced off his skull, leaving only a minor scratch.
The wild ORC took 2 damage!
At least YoSquid justified it by saying, "Wow, it's been a while since I fought someone that my damage is basically nonexistent."
GLACIA'S PHASE
With a straight shot toward the orc's throat, the arrow pierces through like going through a haystack!
The wild ORC took 8 damage!
LT'S PHASE
"I gotta keep this orc pinned down! I'm rushing in!" LT puts away his dagger and grabs the spear on his back.
He performed a head-on rush with his spear pointed straight forward. However...I rolled a 6. Aby commented "Bro is tripping on air." while Glacie narrated "*tripped and poked himself with the spear*" and YoSquid said, "That's rough, buddy." Turns out...I forgot to give myself advantage. Oh well—I guess it's for the best since I'm using a DMPC.
"Aw, darn it!"
The spear rush completely went over the orc's right arm!
The wild ORC avoided the attack!
ALEVIUS'S PHASE
She used a pretty basic ray of frost attack against the orc, aiming for the face once again with an attack roll of 18...but suffered from the same pathetically low damage as YoSquid. It was a fail resembling Telnior's too since they both tried to use ice spells.
Again, this orc is almost unfazed and unmoving!
The wild ORC took 1 damage!
ORC'S PHASE
The wild ORC is too surprised to move!
At this point, I gave the next turn to YoSquid...but completely forgot that Telnior hadn't taken a turn. Aby thankfully reminded me.
TELNIOR'S PHASE
He spent his action to make a Sleight of Hand check and steal the dagger from the orc. Thanks to a roll of 16...
With a quick flourish of your hands, you swipe the dagger clean off the orc's belt!
His hands are a bit too cold to fight back so I'm giving you a free action! Go for the attack!
Telnior unfortunately rolled a 10 which was not enough against the orc's AC of 13. He felt kinda clumsy—melee combat isn't something he does well at but at least he tried.
TELNIOR's attack missed!
YOSQUID'S PHASE (for real this time)
"I use my longbow to shoot an arrow into the heavens and hopefully land into the orc's skull!"
And he scored a natural 20! I didn't expect this video game-style trick shot to land but it worked! With a flash of holy light, the arrow descended upon the orc's skull and...
A critical hit!
The wild ORC took 13 damage!
In my house rules, it's possible to KO a creature with any type of attack, even most attacks/spells that insta-kill (except a few like power word kill). YoSquid chose to go for the KO so...
The wild ORC was knocked out!
Your party gained 40 EXP. Points!
STAGE CLEAR!
Turns: 2
Heroes: Telnior and YoSquid
An orc normally gives 100 EXP thanks to its CR of 1/2 but I chose to double it to 200 (divided to 40 per character) because of Telnior's diplomacy and YoSquid's epic crit. YoSquid replied with the image below:
Glacia and LT were naturally shocked. She guessed that the orc had a thick skull while he guessed that the handaxe made for a great opening. Alevius added...that the orc took an arrow in the knee.
Ooh, Shiny!
As any respectable video game adventurer would, we started investigating the orc's body, mainly the loot.
Gnome Alevius started with the golden dagger, saying it was "too fancy" to have been made by orcs. She only got a 10 on an Arcana check so all she learned was that the gear on its hilt was of artificer origin.
YoSquid rolled a 14 on Investigation and learned that the orc was probably just a scout taking a break thanks to his light gear.
YoSquid later looted the orc and, in addition to the usual gold and weapons plus the magic dagger, he found...a crude drawing of Gnome Alevius. I was inspired by two things here: another part from Lost Mine of Phandelver as well as Gepard from Honkai: Star Rail who drew terrible wanted posters of the main characters.
Initially, I put 6 javelins on the orc but after the game...I know this isn't exactly good DM behavior but I replaced one of the javelins with a spear just so LT can use his signature weapon type. Rogues cannot start with a spear when using an initial set of gear instead of starting with gold—I don't like to subject my players to an initial shopping session.
After some discussion involving the possibility of more artificers being imprisoned in the cave ahead and using Gnome Alevius's machines to assist in scouting, we ended the game right here.
Lessons Learned
#1: DON'T FORGET TO GIVE LOGICALLY REASONABLE ADVANTAGES/DISADVANTAGES! I'll give myself a +1 red flag point for that. Keeping track of details is honestly tough when I'm so focused on predicting what my players will do next...but I have to use those details to maximize the feeling of destroying a monster more easily than usual.
#2: Copy the initiative order somewhere like a notepad.
You may be wondering: Why am I raging at these normally happy days? All Saints' Day and All Souls' Day are meant to remember loved ones who cared for you. Genshin Impact Special Programs showcase the latest, (sometimes) exciting content coming in the next version update—after all, like many fans, I was super excited for Furina the Hydro Archon since Archons are expected to be extremely powerful.
Well...allow me to explain.
Almost No Holidays for Me!
While I'm still living with my mom and dad (I still don't have a job that actually pays well), I have to work almost every day; that means on weekends and holidays like Easter Sunday, Philippine Independence Day, and yes, All Saints' Day and All Souls' Day. The only true holidays I have are Christmas, New Year, and whenever my mom and dad feel like going on a vacation (which is rare). The former two are mandated by my English teaching company.
I'm so used to working every day that even if my body feels desperate for longer sleep, I have a hard time sleeping long because of guilt that I'm not contributing enough to the family or that I might oversleep—even when I set alarms, I still randomly open my eyes every now and then to check the time on my phone in case I sleep through them or they somehow don't ring. (I don't have a wristwatch.) After all, with no maid, no coworkers besides my mom, and my dad and younger brother having their own work, I'm the only one who can help Mom in her family store...and in comparison to her, I'm incredibly resilient, strong, and versatile.
The Dregs of Student Society
Somehow, on All Saints' Day, All Souls' Day, and Genshin Impact livestream days, I get an unusually large number of annoying students.
On the night of the Version 3.5 livestream, I got a certain annoying teen student who used to stalk me a lot even though he consistently lacked interest in the lessons or my crazy antics (like all other students of this type)...except this time, he was...for lack of a better word, much dumber and slower than usual, almost like a drunk person without actually drinking alcohol. Along with that was a teen student who's notorious for barely talking during lessons and reporting tutors to the higher-ups out of nowhere.
Why did I work during the livestream? Why did I not change my work hours?
Because I thought I could sneakily watch the livestream while teaching. Also, I worked at my usual time out of respect for Mom so she could properly eat dinner without worrying about customers out of nowhere.
On the night of the Version 4.0 livestream (the Fontaine reveal), I had a tryhard who could not answer a comprehension question even after I gave many hints. Here's what I wrote in my personal notes:
"In the 2nd sentence, what is 'they' talking about?"
"The smallest type of dolphins."
"Yes, we know the size but what is the NAME of the dolphins, as in 「名前」? Look for capital letters."
"Hector's Dolphin."
"Correct. So [therefore], what is the smallest type of dolphin?"
「え？」 (Eh?)
"The question is on page 7."
I eventually had to ask him to repeat the answer after me.
That night made me want to angrily speak Filipino, French, and Japanese but I knew zero French. フランス語わからなかった。
Version 4.2 Livestream
This was the worst so far.
Due to the fiasco that was the Version 4.1 livestream (in the section below), I worked for 5 hours instead of my usual 4.
On All Saints' Day and All Souls' Day, there are much fewer tutors since the vast majority of Filipinos are visiting their loved ones who passed away. This means I am far more likely to be booked.
It wouldn't have been so bad since I expected a storm of adults...but I just learned that due to my very low rating of 4.5 out of 5 stars at the time (you have to have at least 4.9 to stand a chance normally) combined with the low supply of tutors, I attracted some of the worst students I had ever seen.
One slurred almost every English word he saw (and he's a teen, not an adult, so he's not legally allowed to drink alcohol) and apparently could not even complete a Level 1 lesson yet already skipped to Level 4.
Another had such a horribly noisy background where adults sounded like they were throwing metal objects around—while I'm resistant to sound-based attacks, the student himself was a teen who took a lesson designed for adults, took very long to answer a question, and apparently cheats with ChatGPT. During this very lesson, my younger brother raged at what I assumed to be a PC problem. When I told him to quiet down, he gave me a loud "fuck you"...and while my mic was muted at that time, if it wasn't, I would've killed my student's ears, gotten in trouble with the higher-ups, and be made to look like a hypocrite.
Another took very long to respond even to basic prompts like "Do you have questions?" or "Is that clear?" yet the answers were all the same boring "no" and "yes" respectively. I also had to give a bajillion hints regarding a sequence of actions using "after".
On top of all these, some otherwise somewhat intelligent adult students I was moderately familiar with also became less intelligent. (I don't know how drunk or sleepy they were, though.) One became slower at answering comprehension questions and still makes the same mistakes he's been making for years. Two needed repetitions for questions that I asked at preschool speed and gave overly simplistic and general answers.
Additionally, the timeslot of one of my favorite students, a Japanese historian, was stolen by what I call an Amurta hyperspecialist; he specializes in Biology and can barely talk about anything else. I suspect this guy-who's-not-really-Tighnari's-student is a frequent drinker.
Lazybones!
On the night of the Version 4.1 livestream, I told Mom in advance that I would watch a Genshin Impact livestream so I'll go to work later. This time, I opened my first few lesson slots a bit earlier so I could still reach a work duration of 4 hours as per Mom's protocol on that day.
However, in the middle of the livestream when they were playing the music video of "Lamentation et Triomphe", Mom raged at me out of nowhere because I was still in the family store and not teaching English. I angrily stopped the livestream, stormed out of the store, and immediately opened lesson slots without continuing the livestream. I didn't fight back even though the facts were in my favor because, knowing Mom and how adamant she is when angry, she wouldn't take my POV into consideration and would always have a counterargument.
As such, moving forward, I have an important announcement for my blog:
I Will Not Play the Hytale Beta on Day 1.
I expect the day the Hytale beta finally comes out after nearly 5 years of waiting to be worse than the previous misfortunes I mentioned. I sense a storm of drunken children who don't even know the alphabet with a few angry leftists/Muslim extremists mixed in, a furious, authoritarian Mom and Dad, a physically and sonically destructive younger brother (INTJ on an Se grip), and at least one important object like my phone or my mom's laptop permanently destroyed. (By the way, if you can't tell, I wrote this post on an Fe grip.)
Instead, I will teach English literally the whole day. No breaks. No retreat. No surrender. Just hell that's a bit like what the Navy SEALs go through.
Then when I finally finish, I'll rub my victory on Mom's face.
Edit: I'm planning to make this into a series. My improvised plan of controlling characters whose players are absent is working well so far; we can probably maintain a more consistent schedule this way.
My Indian friend Aby who I've known since, I think, 2018 when we played Minecraft together celebrated his birthday earlier this week so I had an idea out of nowhere to invite him and a bunch of other friends to a D&D game as his sort of birthday gift.
This blog post is, by extension, part of his gift so happy birthday, Aby! Thanks for sticking with me even despite how busy our lives are!
Since I admittedly haven't been writing a lot of blog posts, especially those about my friends, let me introduce you to each of them who participated in my game plus myself:
I am LunaticTactician or LT, their Dungeon Master. Since video games form such a core part of my identity, many of my actions are heavily influenced by gaming, including but not limited to combat design and storytelling. Since my players agreed to it in our previous games, I'm also playing a Dungeon Master Player Character (DMPC) of the same name. He's a human rogue who specializes in scouting, strategy, tactics, theft, and melee combat. He often tries to think calmly and rationally and has a respectful attitude but has a hidden bloodthirsty and hot-headed side.
Alevius (her fictional self's name) is a recent friend I made; an American girl who shares a lot of the same levels of interest as me: we mainly discuss the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI) and Genshin Impact. We're both INTPs. We worked on a recent project: a Genshin MBTI spreadsheet which I turned into a blog post. She's a D&D veteran who regularly plays and DMs for her family. I invited her for the first time to D&D with my old Minecraft friends since I often talked about them with her. Also, I admit when I invite people, I kinda sound like a stereotypical social extrovert. She's playing a forest gnome artificer. To distinguish her from the real person, I will call this character Gnome Alevius. Her goal is to make a living off of selling magic items and potions but she's struggling with selling her wares and believes adventuring will help promote her business. Although normally blunt, she intensely respects curiosity and knowledge in both herself and others.
Glacie, also known in some previous blog posts as NachoPizza, is my Singaporean friend. Although we got started knowing each other in Minecraft, we later noticed that we had some common interests including Pokémon—these two were our main conversation topics when my family took a trip to Singapore. Much later, we also became fellow Genshin Impact and Honkai: Star Rail players—he regularly shows me his big PP DMG showcases, mommy pulls, and fan fiction. He plays a female wood elf ranger named Glacia de Koud. (Notice the one-letter difference to avoid confusion as you read; I will simply refer to her as "Glacia".) To be honest, I don't know a lot about her personality since Glacie didn't communicate a lot during our games but I'll discuss things further with him.
Aby, known in previous posts as BoltOLightnin, is our honorary birthday celebrant. He was inspired by me to run his own blog...and boy, does it get philosophical with topics like the abortion debate. He even published his own book. Ever since I taught him how to play D&D, he's grown to like the hobby, watching D&D games in his spare time. He is no stranger to roleplay. He plays Telnior, a human Divine Soul sorcerer, to strike a balance between his preference for spell mastery and a little bit of variety with healing spells. He likely wanted to recreate the sheer versatility and power of some video game mages. As befitting of his celestial powers, he is generally polite and respectful to most people he talks to and is more than willing to help but he has an occasionally sharp tongue, especially to YoSquid below.
YoSquid started off as my younger brother's elementary school friend but he became my first official friend when I turned 14 years old. He lives in my barangay (village) about half a mile from my house. As the only friend that Mom and Dad allow me to physically visit, I take full advantage as we play split-screen games like Super Smash Bros. Ultimate...and boy, despite also being an INTP, he destroys me with his speed. He plays an eladrin fighter of the same name who specializes in Dexterity and bows; true enough, in Minecraft, the real YoSquid is also a master of the bow. As the party's jokester, the eladrin YoSquid is honestly the most memorable character to me—his jokes generally involve stealing from pretty much anyone and modern stuff like anime and high tech. (Funny enough, he's much more of a kleptomaniac than LT the rogue.)
Scheduling Conflicts
I chose to start the session on Saturday, October 14, 2023 at 12:00 PM GMT+8 because:
Even if I woke up a little later than my normally scheduled 11:00 AM, I would still have time to prepare. I would be in my family store at that point and we barely get any customers so I would hit two birds with one stone: help my mom and play with my friends.
In case Alevius comes home late (e.g. at midnight) from her part-time work, she'll also have time to prepare.
Saturdays are generally the most convenient time to have fun. No school and no work for some students. With some exceptions, Christians spend Sundays, not Saturdays, at church.
But, as disappointing as it is, I am unsurprised at this point that at least one member wouldn't be able to make it; Aby had a face-to-face exam on that day and announced his return at 2:24 PM; about an hour after the end of our session.
So my solution to that was to temporarily take control of Telnior but limit him to a supporting role and make him speak as little as possible so I avoid saying things that Aby wouldn't consider "canon". I have a naturally academic, aggressive, or silly way of speaking which may conflict with Telnior's more calm and respectful personality.
Summary of the Previous Adventure
We're continuing from the very beginning of the official Starter Set adventure Lost Mine of Phandelver. The party had just arrived in Phandalin with a wagon full of supplies to be delivered after surviving a goblin ambush.
I hadn't met Alevius at the time and recently introduced Glacie to D&D so the party was made up of Glacia, LT, Telnior, and YoSquid.
Along the Triboar Trail, three goblins (I deliberately reduced them from four to make it easier for Glacie to get used to the combat) suddenly emerged from bushes to attack the party.
Telnior started by asking for a compromise...with a human sacrifice (he meant a goblin sacrifice). YoSquid joined along by...playing Exodia the Forbidden One, the card from Yu-Gi-Oh! that requires separate cards for each of its four body parts for the player to auto-win the game. As such, I made one of the goblins a TCG addict to play along.
Long anime-related banter from YoSquid later, the goblins attack. Glacia and Telnior instantly kill one goblin each almost effortlessly with lucky attack rolls. Alone and afraid, the TCG-addicted goblin surrendered, got captured by the party, and informed them about its boss.
LT suggested to the party that they finish delivering their cargo first as it would slow down the party and likely invite more ambushes. As such, they went to their destination: the town of Phandalin.
Current Adventure: Staying at the Stonehill Inn and Meeting Gnome Alevius
"Let's Take a Rest!"
Not gonna lie, I completely forgot that there was an NPC accompanying the party, Sildar Hallwinter. He did absolutely nothing in the previous session—it was as if he didn't exist at all. (At least I put the focus on the other players.) This time, I gave him a tiny bit of relevance by encouraging the party to stay at the local inn.
Strangely, no one talked for 15 minutes. I had to step in and move the story forward, especially in case the other players got bored or I suddenly got forced to stop the game by circumstances outside my control, so I had LT ask a woman for directions to the inn. I then immediately moved the party to the Stonehill Inn.
I don't know what YoSquid was up to—either he was waiting for someone to talk or he was enjoying his lunch in real life—but Glacie later told me that he missed D&D because of an event. He only talked shortly before we talked to a certain very special inn patron...
Inside the Inn's Common Room
In addition to copy-pasting the official text describing the Stonehill Inn's common room, I specifically pointed out Gnome Alevius's presence as follows:
To the left, you can see a small girl in a wizard-like hat seemingly tinkering with machines silently. Her eyes are fixated and focused but her back is a bit arched.
Since this was Alevius's first session with us but not at the very start of the campaign, I didn't want to introduce her gnome character like how new player characters are introduced: just appearing out of nowhere. I was heavily inspired by Baldur's Gate 3 when I made this social encounter; in that game, the player starts out alone having just escaped from a mind flayer "prison" and rescues other adventurers within the first few minutes of the game, eventually forming a shared goal to get rid of the mind flayer tadpoles inside their heads.
This is also why Alevius did not talk while the other four party members were on their way to the inn.
I described Gnome Alevius with more detail than the other patrons as well as the innkeeper on purpose to pull the rest of the party into approaching their potential new companion. Sure enough, they went for the girl with the machinery.
YoSquid initially joked that he wanted to steal from Gnome Alevius but thankfully, he did not say that in-character. Though the jokester elf was rather direct with his greeting of "Hello, young woman! What are you doing?", I'm impressed that he showed a little bit of curiosity, especially with his next statement: "I don't mind. I am curious, it seems interesting."
Alevius wrote in reply: The small tinkerer begins to explain her inventions to YoSquid in jargon that's a bit too complex to make sense of. It seems...she's just making a small moving machine, maybe? Bits and pieces of junk are scattered all over the table with one book shoved off in the corner.
Yeah, Gnome Alevius is a mega nerd. Well done, YoSquid, for exploiting a trait that our new party member likes!
I...started having LT hog the conversation at this point by asking a bunch of questions to Gnome Alevius about things related to her work like why she's in the inn, what she sells, and why she's making her machine.
At the same time, since no one was asking their own questions, I had Telnior buy a large room using LT's money and led the rest of the group upstairs (I imagine Stonehill Inn to have a second floor) using both LT's advice and the TCG-addicted goblin complaining about boredom. I thought that maybe the party was uninterested in this conversation. In other words, it's like splitting the party but for social situations in a small, harmless area.
Since I imagined Gnome Alevius had been in Phandalin for several days at least, I privately messaged Alevius, saying that she knew a rumor that there were orcs on the Triboar Trail. I did it by rolling a d6 and replacing one of the official NPCs with Gnome Alevius and the corresponding rumor; in this case, a miner named Lanar was replaced.
I love how Gnome Alevius explained this rumor. "I'm actually trying to create an invention to scare off orcs. There's some at the east end of the Triboar Trail which is a problem both for the townsfolk and for my own traveling." This way, we not only got a new beginner-level quest for the party to practice with but Alevius also tied this rumor to her own character, leading to some potentially interesting development. Keeping orcs away long-term can be better than constantly hunting or defending against them with traditional weapons and offensive spells.
I completely forgot to formally introduce LT and the party to Gnome Alevius but thankfully, she introduced herself first so I remembered. Although the real Alevius knows my friends and their characters to some extent thanks to my prior explanations, I had LT summarize my friends' characters to Gnome Alevius for roleplay purposes.
Once Gnome Alevius learned from LT that they're adventurers, one of whom is a lockpicker (LT) which piqued her interest, she officially joined the party.
"Hotel Room" Card Chaos
Since Gnome Alevius preferred to sleep inside her backpack and did not rent a room, LT felt like being nice and tried to sneak Gnome Alevius into the room Telnior just rented. Upon getting a 14 on a Stealth check, LT carried the backpack with Gnome Alevius inside it and walked naturally while using the inn patrons as cover in Assassin's Creed style.
As the two nerds walked into their newly rented room, it was rowdy. The goblin was beating YoSquid in Genius Invokation TCG. The conversation went as follows:
You hear a goblin's excited screech.
"HAHAHAHAHA! My plan's in motion! With my Plunging Strike card, I swap to my Kazuha and Swirl Electro! What are you going to do now, squid face?"
"Uhhhhh, I use the unstoppable Exodia!" YoSquid said.
"You literally have only one part of Exodia, you moron! Don't you have a Pot of Greed or something?" the goblin remarked.
"Why would you build a deck around Exodia?" LT said.
"I have all the pieces! Right here!" *YoSquid pulls up several Exodia cards up his sleeves*
"NO! YOU'RE CHEATING! IT CAN'T BE! HOW CAN YOU HAVE ALL THE PIECES IN YOUR HAND ALL ALONG!?" the goblin huffed and puffed as if it was about to die.
Alevius reacted, "Did I just witness a squid cheat and a goblin faint over cards? I question myself as I sit in the backpack."
"Don't worry. That's typical YoSquid behavior. You'll get used to his over-the-top attitude. He can be useful at times," LT said calmly.
Miscommunication Mishap
It was at this point when YoSquid beat the goblin with Exodia that I suddenly got told by my mom that we were immediately leaving to go to my new house to inspect a ceiling leak and to keep an eye on the technician who was fixing our Wi-Fi which was unavailable for weeks. As such, I abruptly ended the game. It lasted 1 hour.
I misinterpreted something that Mom said in advance: "Have you eaten? We will go to your new house after we purchase new stock for the store." Since I was used to her and Dad going without me and Dad was accompanying her, I thought, with the "we" pronoun, she meant she would go with just Dad as usual while I stayed home. She was mad at how woefully unprepared I was so I prepared my things in a panic. As usual, I sulked because I have a strong impression of my mom being closed-minded, especially when angry, and she always somehow has a way to refute my points so I saw no point in even trying to debate her.
I wish she said something along the lines of "prepare yourself" or "you and I will go" to make it clearer. As an intuitive type, I am admittedly too quick to jump to conclusions.
I encourage you to watch Blaine Simple's full video to get more detailed descriptions of each flag.
Not gonna lie, ever since I helped Alevius work on a Genshin Impact MBTI spreadsheet, I got a restored drive to write blog posts again. Despite my much busier schedule now (3-hour Japanese classes three times a week, a 1-hour Christian group meeting once a week, and the usual 3 Genshin Impact accounts I'm playing), I'm aiming to bring back a consistent weekly blog schedule; I consider it a personal training ground for when I finally move into my new house and resume my YouTube schedule.
During the late stage of my admittedly super-long hiatus, I developed a moderate amount of interest in Baldur's Gate 3: a video game based on Dungeons & Dragons 5th Edition that took the world by storm. As a beginner Dungeon Master who reads D&D rules for personal entertainment (because I barely have anyone to play with), I thought to myself, "So this is what a D&D game looks like when made more realistic! Theater of the mind can be such a pain. I can use this as inspiration for my own D&D games."
So I am once again regularly doing D&D-related stuff, even if it's just for myself like this blog post.
Red headings refer to red flags (bad traits).Green headings refer to green flags (good traits). A strikethrough means a certain flag does not apply to me. Italicization means I give myself partial points; see the detailed description for exactly how many points. The lower the overall score, the better.
Red Flags
Tardy (+1)
I have been unfortunately guilty of something worse than this earlier this 2023: being absent. I was so busy grinding Genshin Impact and lost interest in D&D that I completely forgot when my players proposed a schedule. Although they didn't remind me, I put the blame all on myself as their DM.
No Alarm (+1)
See above.
Interrupter (+1)
As far as I know, I almost never interrupt anyone else who's talking while playing. I let every player give their ideas or perform their roleplay and I let the DM finish narrating before I make my moves.
I am guilty of many times of doing this, however, in my family and my classes as an English teacher so I give myself a 0.5.
Unfair Fights (+1)
Almost never. I had to learn it the hard way, though, when I thought my younger brother's Lv. 1 paladin and YoSquid's Lv. 1 fighter could beat a CR 2 ochre jelly (WHYYY, Wizards of the Coast, did you script the encounter to be this hard!?)...but I failed to explain that the ochre jelly is immune to slashing damage after my brother slashed it multiple times with a longsword and it constantly split into smaller, lower-HP copies that still dealt the same amount of damage per hit. I could've allowed him to deal piercing damage instead 'cause my brother is a fan of Roman history; I imagine him using the spatha which can both pierce and slash.
The next time I ran Dragon of Icespire Peak, I followed a guide made by Sly Flourish and, instead of having a manticore initially try to break into an herbalist's house, I instead made my own stat block of basic, low-level Trorks (a common monster in Hytale) and made only two of them try to break in. Despite the height disadvantage my players had, the numbers advantage prevailed as the team finished off the last Trork with a fatality.
My players, a few months later, told me they wanted to start with a fresh new campaign so I chose Lost Mine of Phandelver this time around. It normally starts with a four-goblin encounter...but I didn't like how high their AC of 15 was so I toned down the number of goblins to 3 to weaken their action economy; I don't want anyone dying on the first fight. At first, there were only three of us: LT, Telnior (a sorcerer), and YoSquid fighting the goblins but Glacie later finished his character sheet and joined in with his newly-created ranger, thus turning the encounter into a Curb-Stomp Battle. Given how cowardly the goblins were and how YoSquid made TCG-related jokes, I did some improv and made one of the goblins a TCG addict who surrendered upon getting low on HP and became the party's hostage.
I once made an encounter with hostile dwarf-like manifestations that were permanently affected by Electro so Telnior could inflict Superconduct with his frostbite spell...but we never got to finish it due to sudden IRL interruptions.
Module Reader (+2)
N/A. When my brother and YoSquid DMed for me, their stories were completely made up on the spot. I'm honestly impressed 'cause they had never read ANY D&D campaigns before yet the stories were coherent.
Not like I'd ever do this without warning the DM, of course.
Secret Stealer (+2)
I'm the resident D&D rule junkie so, except for Alevius who made her own and willingly shared it with me, I helped my fellow players create all their character sheets, whether or not I was the DM for the next session. Also, I never look at my DM's notes or even his/her dice rolls.
But at least this red flag informed me that if I ever run into other players who are indeed familiar with making character sheets, I should ask permission before taking a peek. From a roleplay perspective, knowing everything about the other characters as written on their character sheets at the very start of the campaign does not make sense—it's like how one cannot magically know a random stranger.
Rage After Death (+1)
Nope. Oddly, I didn't feel much emotion when my DMPC died to a flock of stirges; I just felt concerned that my party would get rekt and slightly irritated that YoSquid chose to just leave his body behind. I'm so glad, though, that Telnior had the idea of appealing to his god, Kelpeos the god of time, to reverse the flow of time on LT and revive him.
Even if the two did leave LT's body in the wilderness, I can always tailor most encounters around them...except maybe for one that will punish them for letting the rogue tactician die a dishonorable death. Maybe a bunch of melee-attacking bandits that would kidnap them once they're low on HP 'cause the two focus on ranged attacks?
Murder Hobo (+1)
Never. Thank goodness. I've learned early on to try to value NPCs; it's like liking an anime character while being fully aware he/she isn't real. (Case in point: me having Sucrose as my waifu.) None of my players are murder hobos either.
That said, I'd be excited to play a campaign that encourages us to basically be GTA mass murderers...
Character Clones (+1)
Yes, I'm guilty of this. "Lunaran Tealeaf" is a high elf wizard who is a more low-key and academic version of myself.
ERP Out of Place (+3)
Never. None of my campaigns have had even a tiny bit of romance.
OK, I have allowed this recently. In the Wyvern Tor cave (which I turned into an artificer's factory but I kept the orcs and ogre), YoSquid suggested to Glacia to dress up as a female orc and get on the orcs' good side. We had a set of hide armor from a dead orc so we made Glacia wear that. She acted real innocent yet curious...though thankfully, she didn't do anything overly sexual and neither did I. She distracted the bosses enough to the point that the orc boss slapped two of his minions' butts and made them run away in fear while the ogre cracked a flammable potion in its waist while sitting down which Gnome Alevius, our artificer, ignited with a crossbow bolt.
When we came back to Phandalin, I ran the Redbrand Ruffians encounter. We killed three ruffians and KO'd the last one. Later, LT carried an injured Gnome Alevius to the inn while YoSquid and Glacia interrogated the ruffian. As part of the interrogation, YoSquid looted literally everything the ruffian possessed...even his underwear. When they also went into the inn, I made a random patron make a Stealth check which failed so YoSquid caught him taking pictures of the naked ruffian. (Yes, I allow modern-day stuff like this as a joke.) The squid jokingly charged the pervert 69,420 gp...but of course, commoners don't have that kind of money.
Synergy (+1)
I don't think so. While I admit I want to encourage my players to make a balanced party, I try to convince myself that roleplay takes priority so my players can make whatever characters they want. While YoSquid being a fighter isn't ideal for me since I got lucky on rolling for LT's stats and put the good numbers on Strength, Dexterity, and Constitution, I still let him play a fighter because maybe YoSquid just likes the armor and weapon versatility that comes with the class.
CR Clone (+2)
Nope. I'm too lazy to even watch Critical Role.
Snack Junkie (+2)
I'm guilty in that I've never brought any food...but to be fair, none of the other players brought food either. We just didn't think this through when we first started D&D so I give myself a 1.
At someone else's home, I always ask permission before eating something that isn't mine.
Don't Touch (+1)
We can't even buy any miniatures so instead, since we only have one dice set from the Essentials Kit, we let each other borrow dice occasionally. Also, I prefer the sounds of clickity-clackities over simply tapping on a digital random number generator.
Abilities or Bust (+2)
I admit that sometimes, my imagination fails and goes to the standard "I attack with my longsword" but I try as much as possible to add flavor to my ability uses. For example, after being supercharged by water, LT rolled high on an Acrobatics check, swung around trees like a monkey, and before a heated argument with Telnior and YoSquid against two goblins got uglier, LT swooped down Assassin's Creed-style and I used the Cleaving Through Creatures rule plus a lucky critical hit to insta-kill both of the goblins.
DM Blame (+2)
I don't remember doing this...and I think I wouldn't ever do this (except jokingly) so I'll give myself no points.
Awooga (+2)
I haven't even run into NPCs remotely similar to Sangonomiya Kokomi or Sucrose.
Left to Fester (+3)
The extreme opposite: I have blown up at Aby and YoSquid for being absent from D&D three times in a row so I'll still give myself 3 points.
Do I have any current major problems with my group, including Glacie, though? Aside from not having any D&D games in a while, probably not. I know we're all busy as heck with all sorts of life commitments.
Fish on Land (+2)
I'm already pretty aware that my brother is a fan of Roman history and The Elder Scrolls lore so I don't see how my self-insert rogue or Lunaran Tealeaf would be out of place as solo adventurers. He also let me use those characters anyway without any problems; otherwise, given how blunt he is, I think he would've pointed them out.
Shopping Sickness (+1)
Not "too long" by any of our standards...but YoSquid shouted so loud at the herbalist's ear in Dragon of Icespire Peak that she was temporarily deafened. I would've just bought a potion of healing and called it a day. Maybe YoSquid got carried away with his silly antics.
Long Breaks (+2)
Hasn't happened yet. We always played our games from start to finish.
PVP (+2)
Only with permission. When we do this, it's completely separate from the main campaign so even if a character "dies" in PVP, they go back to their original states in the campaign. This is just for fun.
DMPC (+3)
I'm obviously guilty of this in case you haven't seen it already. However, here are my defense points:
I asked my players beforehand if they wanted LT to join the campaign and they agreed. They were new players, after all, so they may need a level-headed companion to show them the ropes.
Fighters and sorcerers don't start with a whole lot of skills so LT can balance things out as a skill monkey.
LT focuses on melee combat while the other two are ranged attackers. More balance, bro.
I try to give each player besides LT their chance to shine such as Telnior revealing the identity of a mimic and YoSquid helping to force the TCG-addicted goblin to surrender.
On the opposite end, even if he somehow has a ranged weapon, I make LT recklessly charge toward enemies on purpose to increase his chance of dying. Why? Because he likes the sensation of smacking things hard.
I'll give myself 3 points anyway out of fairness. Let me know if you think I should give myself fewer points, though.
Immersion Breaker (+2)
I only break immersion if I have to talk about something important such as having to go to my next English class. Other than that, we're usually hyper-focused on the campaign.
Level 1 Forever (+1)
Heck no! As a video game RPG addict, I LOVE the idea of gaining XP. It's habitual at this point for me to type all sorts of OG Pokémon game-inspired messages like:
ALEVIUS used DUST DEVIL!
The wild HILICHURL FIGHTER swirled! PYRO spread onto the opposing HILICHURL SHOOTER!
That's it! I knew you could do it!
You defeated 2 enemies at the same time!
ALEVIUS gained 100 EXP. Points!
Using Discord for our D&D makes tracking EXP even easier since I can simply search the message history for "exp points".
Fight Fight Fight! (+1)
Because of how short and text-restricted our sessions are, this inevitably happens.
But we balance it out with pure roleplay-only sessions so I won't give myself any points.
Yeeeaaahhh...I've run three combat-heavy sessions in a row: one against a lone orc, one against the bosses in the Wyvern Tor cave, and one in Phandalin with the Redbrand Ruffians.
I know I over-rationalize my behavior but for the lone orc, I let Telnior be diplomatic before the fight. For the Wyvern Tor bosses, see ERP Out of Place; I also added more to Gnome Alevius's and LT's lore. For the Redbrand Ruffians, I deliberately made LT fight recklessly to emphasize his DestructionPath and the dice rolls naturally punished him by having one ruffian get high rolls on an opportunity attack and a Perception check to find him while he was hiding. Gnome Alevius had to use her newly learned Cure Wounds spell on him and, while in a hurry, she also got hit by an opportunity attack.
No Foresight (+3)
I'll give myself 1 point for this one; see "Tardy" above.
I'd give all 3 points to some of my annoying students, though. Every lesson involving a news article has an audio narration clip to help the student pronounce the many unfamiliar words...and they act as if these audio files don't exist. That or they overuse Introverted Sensing (Si) and Introverted Thinking (Ti) and stick way too heavily to what they think is correct regardless of evidence to the contrary—screw ISFJs' trickster Extroverted Thinking (Te).
___ Into D&D (+2)
Very much guilty; I made my own Genshin Impact elemental reaction ruleset.
Copyright (+1)
Don't care! I do not record/stream my full, unedited D&D sessions on Twitch or YouTube. You've seen me using Trorks and elemental reactions.
We're not Friends Anymore (+3)
YoSquid is a menace in whatever D&D campaign he shows up in...but I never take it personally. Instead, I just laugh like a bro whenever he wants to rob yet another merchant caravan.
In my English classes, I wish I could grant inspiration to a select few students because of their amazing roleplay—it's quite rare to see such creative minds. But I'm a teacher, not a Dungeon Master in that situation.
OFFICIAL OR BUST (+3)
Nope! I roll with whatever custom rules my DM wants as long as I don't think they're unfair.
I generally have a mentality of "whatever items anyone in my party acquires belong to the whole party" with exceptions like, say, weapons we specialize in like YoSquid specializing in longbows and items we have emotional attachments to like family heirlooms. I take everyone's budgets into consideration or just use LT's own money when buying items.
All Eyes on You (+2)
I don't think so. See DMPC.
Mario into D&D (+2)
Trorks are there, yadda yadda.
I also had a plan to add Oscar Garvin, the composer of Hytale and a D&D fan, into my campaign as a minor NPC but I scrapped it.
I NEED HEALING (+2)
Nope! Never did this once even though Telnior knows cure wounds.
Dark Past (+3)
Don't be surprised that LT has this. In D&D, it's basically a more medieval fantasy version of running away from a communist country; in this case, LT was a former farmer with his family who ran away by himself when the government took over control of the supply of crops and had to steal to survive.
Lunaran Tealeaf, however, has no such backstory.
I'll give myself 2 points.
Was That In-character? (+1)
See for yourself.
Your Fun is Wrong (+2)
I've never played older D&D versions...and to be honest, I have no interest in learning a new one for now. I'd politely decline if I were invited to such a game.
One D&D looks pretty cool to me, though, and I'm excited to try it.
My Boss is OP! (+1)
I haven't even made up any BBEG stat blocks. Even if I did, though, such as for my original story's main antagonist Supreme Leader Lekimao (a communist leader), I wouldn't brag about how strong he is; I'd leave it up to the party to naturally discover how strong he is such as by having escapees of the country of Lekimao narrate their opinions on their leader.
While I continue to practice, I'll just use the young white dragon in Dragon of Icespire Peak as a beginner-level BBEG.
Bad Day Bad Game (+2)
Unlikely even if I immediately start D&D after having a lesson with a demanding jerk student or Mom rages at my incompetence. I'll eventually and quickly get over it as we play and my frown gets turned upside-down.
Funny enough, even when I'm still incredibly groggy, I can somehow run great games. Not to brag but Alevius is impressed by my improv skills—this is coming from a girl who regularly plays D&D with some of the most creative and unhinged members of her family.
No RP (+3)
You've gotta be kidding me. Of course, I roleplay! The chaos that my party sometimes gets into can make my day!
Wild Everything (+2)
I feel personally called out, not gonna lie.
Darn it, I just like Pokémon! Guess what Telnior and YoSquid's first-ever fight in their D&D experience was? A wild encounter with two wolves jumping out from bushes.
Phone User (+2)
Nope. Again, we're hyper-focused.
No Children Allowed (+3)
None of my players so far have brought any child characters though, hypothetically, I would allow my niece to play as herself just because I think seeing her roleplay would be extremely cute.
Incorrect Gender (+3)
I was mildly surprised when Glacie's ranger was female despite him being male but I rolled with it anyway 'cause I know Glacie likes his waifus and this ranger can mix things up from the usual bro squad.
Game Breaker (+3)
I don't even know how to do this despite watching DnD Shorts. I just want to see him explaining big damage numbers, not actually try to do them in my games since I don't metagame in D&D.
Class Clown (+2)
Never. I stick as much as possible to having LT be a level-headed tactician...except when melee-attacking his foes.
Constantly Confused (+2)
I can't quite explain it but I'm good at distinguishing this mostly because I have experience making my own homebrew and seeing others'.
Validate Me (+3)
Again, I usually don't try to argue with the DM.
Blood Flags (+100 each, +700 total)
I won't talk about these much because, to paraphrase a comment by @BlobOfAwe, most of these are just crimes that wouldn't be allowed in any situation, not just D&D.
I have physically attacked my brother multiple times outside of D&D. The last time was when he raged at Mom so loud early in the morning; I REALLY can't stand hearing harsh words from anyone...except myself.
There are also times when I feel like punching my students in the face such as when they report me even though I never did anything wrong and they were clearly in the wrong such as by literally never talking.
I admit I get curious and search through my parents' things. I've never peeked at YoSquid's backpack, though. I'd never steal anything regardless.
I don't enjoy shipping in D&D in the first place, I'd never kill off someone's character as revenge, and I know my players aren't interested in politics so I don't discuss them—we have topics that are so much more fun.
"Racism" and "discrimination", however, have such loose definitions these days thanks to the left so I'm not even going to count that.
All in all, I give myself 200 points.
Green Flags
Always Improving (-3)
That's why I'm making this blog post, isn't it? I want to be more aware of my flaws as a DM mostly because I still consider myself a noob at this.
Been the DM (-1)
Yes, obviously.
Regular DM (-3)
Yep—I'm a forever DM 'cause I actually have FUN reading the many rules of this game.
Open to Feedback (-3)
I always ask my players at the end of every session, "So, how was the game?"
I get all positive feedback though I'm a bit worried about not having a single bit of negative feedback, not gonna lie. Alevius has given me a point for improvement: I should tie the events more closely to LT's story so he feels less like a bland character. As such, in the next game, I made the perfume loot in the Wyvern Tor cave connected to his dead mother so, in a fit of raging regret for not protecting his parents, he punched random things in the artificer factory. I also teased that this has something to do with the BBEG.
Snacks are on You (-2)
See Snack Junkie. No point reductions for me.
Tidying Up (-1)
We use the empty "halves" of the Essentials Kit box to roll dice. Hehe.
At least I did this one. We have a spacious place upstairs for multiple purposes: archery, melee combat training, relaxing, aimlessly walking around while playing video games, and of course, D&D. I always get the table or yoga mat ready with all the necessary equipment: the DM screen, dice, character sheets, scratch paper, pencils, erasers, and a whole lot of other things that I may have forgotten about at this point.
Info Sheets (-2)
I never thought about giving this one regarding Dragon of Icespire Peak; all I did was hand them the Sword Coast map included in the Essentials Kit.
I did, however, write and explain whatever homebrew rules I had such as the Genshin Impact elemental reactions.
Players Matter (-2)
To the point that I tailor certain in-game events based on their interests. For example, I know how trendy Among Us is so I made the gnomes in Gnomengarde have something akin to an emergency meeting where they try to find a mimic disguised as one of the gnomes. I also allow Telnior and YoSquid to engage in whatever ridiculous things they want to do.
Though I may have taken it too far with letting Glacia dress like an attractive orc and YoSquid loot a ruffian's underwear. See ERP Out of Place.
Impactful Death (-1)
I didn't make LT's death impactful on purpose to give Telnior and YoSquid the freedom to decide what to do with his body.
So far, though, Telnior and YoSquid are still alive.
Gift (-1)
Errr, I've given YoSquid some Minecraft swords made with crayons and cereal boxes, I guess? Screw it, I won't count it.
Early Warning (-2)
Did I do this before? I can't remember. I won't reduce my score.
Additional Green Flags Courtesy of @socialistrepublicofvietnam1500
You read the rules (-1)
Yep; see Regular DM.
You know your character (-1)
Of course. Sneak-attacking comes naturally to me both in-game and in real life.
You try to follow any plothooks the DM gives you (-1)
I've tried to go off-story a few times such as having Lunaran Tealeaf insist on helping out in a war that my brother's kingdom was fighting in. I even used Extroverted Intuition (Ne) to explain how he would help out such as using minor illusion to distract the enemy army a bit but after several "no" responses, I respectfully gave up and moved on with the quest designated by my brother.
I give myself a 0.5.
You are adaptive to your player's triggers and stuff (-2)
Thankfully, they don't get triggered by a lot of things, if any. Otherwise, they wouldn't be my friends in the first place.
Though to be honest, I don't know what triggers my players.
Alevius, thankfully, didn't mind the "sexy orc" and the stolen ruffian undies. See ERP Out of Place.
You bring snacks for other people too (-2)
See Snack Junkie.
You actively try to not make a mess for whoever is hosting (-1)
When I visit YoSquid's house, I try to limit how much I move because I otherwise struggle to stay still.
When playing D&D regardless of who's hosting, I try to ensure that everything around my space is logically organized and spacious enough for the rest of the players. I do not impose these rules on my players, though.
You actively try to make the game more fun for other players (-2)
Due to the redundancy of this with Players Matter, I will not give myself any point reductions.
Connecting and actively RPing with other PCs (-1)
I admit I have a bit of a negative bias toward YoSquid so I don't have LT interact with him much aside from stopping him from doing his crackheaded stunts. I should do better—since Baldur's Gate 3 has a lot of class-exclusive dialogue options, I could take inspiration and use LT's rogue expertise to assist YoSquid in causing mischief that actually benefits the party.
In Gnomengarde during the Among Us-inspired emergency meeting, I let Telnior do most of the talking to smoke out the mimic disguised as a gnome while LT snuck away and stood by to prepare for a sneak attack. He tempted the mimic by talking about the taste of food, eventually causing the mimic to lose control over its disguise and reveal its true form. As soon as that happened, LT pounced and stabbed one of the mimic's eyes with his dagger, inflicting 12 damage (3 + 3 STR mod + 6 Sneak Attack damage).
I give myself a 0.5.
Helping the DM with things such as setting up (-2)
Easy. I'm obsessed with organization.
I don't mind carrying that D&D Essentials Kit box around even though I stuffed it with lots of paper and pencils, even the coloring kinds. I like flexing my physical strength.
I'm also usually the only one in my group with D&D-specialized equipment and digital tools. Heck, I always carry dice in my sling bag in case I want to roll for things other than D&D such as randomly deciding what to eat in a restaurant or pretending to play Genius Invokation TCG.
My brother has his world written down on World Anvil but that's pretty much it.
Alevius is quite prepared for our games as well considering she's a D&D veteran. She knows the effects of her features well and corrects me without being an obnoxious rules lawyer when I miss important details. (Would you believe it if I told you she hasn't played Baldur's Gate 3?)
Glacia, on the other hand, is learning how to use D&D Beyond which is awesome.
Adding Up My Points
When not counting any blood flags, my total number of points is 2.5, making me a goblin. I was this close to being a pixie but ERP Out of Place really hurt my score. To be honest, I wasn't a fan of YoSquid looting the ruffian's underwear but oh well, it's not the worst thing in the world.
