What I Look For in a Girl

CAUTION: This post contains sexual content. Viewer discretion is advised.

DISCLAIMER: I am not a psychologist or relationship expert.

I don't abide by religious rules. They're too much work for my chaotic neutral alignment.

I've been a hopeless romantic since I was six years old and in first grade (ironically, the Hopeless Romantic trait can only be obtained by teens and older in The Sims 3). I used to like a classmate whose name and appearance I was attracted to, but I don't remember actually making any romantic moves to her—maybe just some random conversations?

I continued to have crushes in later elementary school, in high school, and even now.

Funny thing is, I was never "hypnotized" by any person or media franchise to be very attracted to girls—it just started on a whim. Maybe it's yet another trait developed by human evolution.

While I admit that physical appearance instantly attracts me to some girls, my perfectionist tactician mentality sometimes kicks in and says to myself, "Is this girl right for you? Will she reciprocate the good deeds you do for her, if any? What if she's unintelligent or greedy? What if she's in a relationship or married? What if she's a master of deception? What if she's actually a biological male!?"

I suck at introductions and trying to do a decent one would just make me waste time, so let's do this:

Important edit: Mark Manson stated that the one trait that should never be compromised on is "The ability to see one’s own flaws and be accountable for them."
And I agree. That way, when one of us firetrucks up, we can work on a solution without the "I'm always right" garbage I hear from my paternal grandma.

• First of all, she has to be a single, biological female with a 100% heterosexual orientation.
• Ideally, she should not have a previous romantic relationship, especially marriage, since I don't trust that a girl with an ex will be faithful or at least respectful to her next boyfriend. However, it's okay for me to have such a girlfriend if I have no other choice; maybe I could make her life better than in her previous relationship? :p
• Physical appearance is partially a self-expression of identity that often determines first impressions by other people, so that's what I look for next.
  I prefer someone who normally dresses in a balance between a casual and a formal appearance—it gives me the impression of someone who has a decent and relatable amount of knowledge and wisdom while still being chill in conversations and work.
  Short to medium-length hair is preferred. (Just not so short that she can be mistaken for a boy—I like feminine appearances.) I like any hair color except red.
  I prefer slightly thin to normal weights. Fat girls give me an impression of laziness and extreme hedonism—after all, their lack of control over their diets made them what they are.
  As for the chest area, small to medium size is totally fine. A large size, while not ideal for me, is okay if it's balanced out with a decent personality.
• I like a girl with a similar intelligence level to mine for the same reasons why I want a girl who dresses in a balance between casual and formal. Pardon the negativity, but a girl who is not intelligent may take dangerous risks (like excessively expensive dating), while a very intelligent girl would make me look extra stupid and would have such complicated interests and fields of study that I couldn't relate; it's like dating a professor who has high standards in grading school work (similar to Miriel from Fire Emblem Awakening), and I HATE school work. Have you ever had a friend who bluntly gave you advice you did not ask for whenever you screwed up even just a little? That's a no-no for Mark Manson.
  Side note: Many of my good friends have similar intelligence levels to mine. That's why we get along—we can nerd out with minimal restrictions, we know exactly what we're talking about, and we're chill with each other's opinions and decisions, whether we agree or disagree.
• Again, like Mr. Krabs from SpongeBob SquarePants, I HATE spending money. Therefore, my girlfriend should only have cheap dates with me.
  A lunch or dinner date at a restaurant is fine—it's my family's tradition to eat in a restaurant at least once a month, and I usually don't get guilty of my parents voluntarily spending money on restaurants. We all need food to survive. (I just don't want to be asked to have dates in expensive restaurants twice a week.)
  However, I prefer dates involving sports, camping, or exploration. I am athletic, I cycle a lot, I like exploring nature, I already have equipment so I don't need to spend extra money, and I'm sure many girls enjoy traveling. (Many celebrities and well-known YouTubers Tweet photos of themselves on vacation.)
  But my most desired date is a video game date. (No surprise; I am a gamer.) Even when not physically present, video games allow players to work together to achieve a shared goal, which is a trait worth exploiting in a date. "Want to come over for tea at my Hytale base, milady?"
  I am aware that women prefer conversations over activities, so I'm ready to have a simple date of pure conversation. It costs no money!
• Parents can be heavily influential on a child's personality and behavior, so I have high standards for a potential girlfriend's parents.
  First of all, both of her parents should be alive and healthy—this keeps the child psychologically stable. According to fathers.com, "children from fatherless homes are more likely to be poor, become involved in drug and alcohol abuse, drop out of school, and suffer from health and emotional problems. Boys are more likely to become involved in crime, and girls are more likely to become pregnant as teens."
  Second, both parents should not only have good values but also teach them to their child. In particular, I want kind and peace-loving yet strict and responsible parents that teach their child the values of hard work, generosity, and gratitude, among others. I like a girl who can live on her own but is still willing to support others and be thankful when others help her. And I love my mom for teaching me to be a tactician.
  Third, both parents should be financially stable. It's part of showing a child that hard work gets results. Plus, I don't want parents to leech from and/or overwork their child (or even me) just to support the family. (I would most prefer parents who have so much money to spare that they're unhindered by bills, debts, and taxes so I don't get guilty of them spending too much on their daughter dating me. Mwahahahahaha!)
  Fourth, I have to be able to befriend her parents. Mwahahahahaha!

Honorable mentions:

• Legitimate kindness and friendliness.
• Knows when to act like a mother and when to act like a buddy.
• Boxer or martial artist, or one who aspires to be such.
• Decent knowledge of romantic relationships.
• Calm personality, and when angry, cools off in a harmless way.
• Willing to tolerate me when I play video games.

Major edit, April 3, 2020: Ideal D&D Alignment for a Romantic Relationship

Quick recap: D&D alignments are broad descriptions of a character's perspective on ethics and morals. A character can be lawful or chaotic on the ethical side and good or evil on the moral side.

I am a chaotic neutral: someone who dislikes societal rules and traditions and doesn't actively do good or evil deeds.

I think my ideal alignment for a girlfriend is chaotic good.

I rant often about societal traditions that drive me crazy and sometimes do not promote the greater good, which I think a chaotic good person would be able to relate with.

A chaotic good girlfriend, for me, would be the most genuine because she won't allow herself to be overly restricted by society or by higher powers like parents. She would do things for me and for herself on her own free will and would be respectful of my freedom and boundaries, as long as I respect hers and I don't do something extremely stupid.

(Rants about the other alignments below)

Lawful good, lawful neutral, and neutral good are not ideal since I think a girl with one of those alignments may be pressured by peers or family to be in a relationship with me, perhaps against her will. Her actions during the relationship may be motivated not by her conscience but by what society expects her to do, which may not always lead to a genuine relationship.

Plus, she'd probably give me advice when I don't ask for it. I sometimes disliked being bossed around.

The neutral alignment (a.k.a. true neutral) can be unpredictable. While a person with this alignment would more often lean towards being good and following the law, if doing something chaotic or evil would yield the best results for this person, then I wouldn't dare be the victim, especially if I don't know why the person is doing such a thing. This is extra important for me to take note of when deciding on who to be romantically interested in--a romantic commitment is stronger than a "bro" commitment.

Chaotic neutral is even worse with the unpredictability. I imagine such a person would take foolish risks like overspending on pointless items.

Don't even get me started on actual crimes like drawing graffiti on public property.

Obviously, I'd avoid anyone with any evil alignment like the plague (if I don't kick their butt first). I'd say lawful evil is the worst of the bunch since such a person can do bad things to me and legally get away with the act through psychological manipulation and finding loopholes within laws and the relationship rules I establish.

Speaking of evil alignments, here are some traits I don't want in a girl:

Screenshot from Miitopia
Clerics have an OHKO move so don't mess with 'em

• A thot, prostitute, or someone who wants to be a prostitute. I find these kinds of people to be shady, unfaithful, and disgusting. Bring me a barf bag.
  Paul Joseph Watson shows some toxic thots in this video.
• Vices like cigarette-smoking, excessive gambling, and alcohol addiction. In extreme cases, people with vices may leech from family, friends, and even strangers just to satisfy themselves. If I find out that my girlfriend smokes, I'll not only break up with her instantly—I'll disarm her cigarette.
  (Yes, I admit that my vice is excessive video gaming, but I balance it out with sports and writing. Plus, I'll be a video game developer someday, okay?)
• Narcissism. I don't trust these jokers to be generous—they often have hidden agenda associated with their generous acts. Plus, they leech from people and whine nonsensically when the situation goes against them (i.e. play the victim card). My paternal grandmother is a narcissist, and I don't want to explain its atrocities to me, my brothers, and my mom. (Yes, I used "its" instead of "her". I hate it so much that, to me, it's not a person; it's a monster.)
• Closed-mindedness. I'm not sure how to have a productive conversation with a person who angrily shuts down my innocent opinions.
  I am willing to be reminded when I do or say something wrong, though. That's why I had drafts of this post reviewed by four people.
• A social justice warrior or supporter of leftism, communism, socialism, Marxism, or whatever the term is. The left ruins everything, according to PragerU. Plus, the New People's Army (NPA), the armed wing of the Communist Party of the Philippines (CPP), has been declared a terrorist group. I don't want my life to be one of those ruined by the left.
• Criminal intentions or records like scamming or assault. I can be extremely cautious of people and I know if someone has harmful hidden agenda just by looking at their faces. I used to be a Minecraft server moderator and I've seen lots of shady activity in the server I worked in. I've been robbed and bullied multiple times in real life and I don't want those to happen again.
• A desire to have children with me. Please go find someone else. I HATE family life, I'm not prepared for it, and I never will be.

Ideal Traits, Game Version

Minimum D&D Ability Scores

STR	DEX	CON	INT	WIS	CHA
8 (-1)	10 (0)	10 (0)	12 (+1)	12 (+1)	10 (0)

Recommended D&D Ability Scores

STR	DEX	CON	INT	WIS	CHA
12 (+1)	12 (+1)	14 (+2)	14 (+2)	12 (+1)	12 (+1)

The Sims 3 Traits

Desired Traits
Lifestyle	Mental	Physical	Social
Eco-Friendly	Handy	Athletic	Friendly
Frugal	Natural Cook	Brave
Good
Avoided Traits
Childish	Absent-Minded	Couch Potato	Commitment Issues
Evil	Neurotic	Coward	Loser
Family-Oriented		Slob	Mean Spirited
Hot-Headed			Mooch
			Snob

The Sims 3 Skills

Skill	Minimum Level	Recommended Level
Acting*	--	Lv. 2
Charisma	Lv. 2	Lv. 3
Cooking	Lv. 1	Lv. 3
Driving	--	Lv. 1
Fitness	--	Lv. 3
Gardening	--	Lv. 2
Handiness	--	Lv. 2
Logic	Lv. 2	Lv. 4
Martial Arts	--	Lv. 2
Painting	--	Lv. 3
Photography	--	Lv. 1
Programming*	--	Lv. 3
Writing	Lv. 1	Lv. 3

*Not in The Sims 3.

Fire Emblem: Three Houses Skills

Sword	Lance	Axe	Bow	Fists	Reason	Faith	Auth.	Armor	Riding	Flying
E+	E+	E	E+	D	D+	E	D+	E	E	E+