My Opinion on Some Fire Emblem: Three Houses Characters

CAUTION: This post contains sexual content. Viewer discretion is advised.
This also contains spoilers from Fire Emblem: Three Houses, Fire Emblem: The Sacred Stones, and Pokémon Sun and Moon.
No meme disclaimers about Hytale speculation this time. And no Avengers: Endgame spoilers.

Some of you know that I regularly sneak in Fire Emblem-related content into my blog posts, especially the Hytale-related ones, even though I haven't done a single post focused heavily on Fire Emblem.
Well, here you go.

These characters are critiqued based on personal preference, personality, and physical appearances. This is NOT a competitive guide.
Note that I do not fully know these characters as I don't have time to watch a lot of Three Houses videos. I need to practice for Hytale, and school work sucks.

Byleth-Male

Appearance-wise, he's alright. Better than Corrin, but worse than Robin. He looks kind of serious compared to both avatars.
I'm playing as Byleth-Male, by the way.

Byleth-Female

I find it weird that her navel is shown on her default outfit because it's not professional-looking for a professor (even though another professor has more revealing clothing), but I still think she's the best-looking of all the female avatars, and she's a third option in case the two waifus later in this post are unavailable. (Interestingly, female Robin is my least favorite avatar.)

Byleth in general

I find it weird watching his/her running animation (when wearing the default outfit) because the sleeves make him/her look like he/she has two extra arms flowing behind his/her back.

To continue the trend with avatar characters, Byleth is a versatile unit; he/she has balanced stats, growth rates, and no flaws except his/her somewhat low Res (like Robin).

He/she is flexible with all weapons, but I'm so happy that he/she is proficient at brawling. I am a fistfighter, after all.

But, to be honest, I like Robin and Corrin better in combat than Byleth, mainly because I can assign assets and flaws to the past two avatars allowing me to make specialized builds within the same class. For example, a Swordmaster Robin with a +Strength Asset can have an up to 75% growth rate in Strength, which goes extremely well with the Swordmaster's naturally high Speed.

I'll mainly build my Byleth to match my own skills. I'm proficient in lances, bows, and brawling, but I'm poor at reason, authority, and heavy armor. (If budding talents could be customized, I'd have one in swords, but faith is also fine--I like healing my team.)

(As for the tea I like? Chamomile.)

Sothis

A kinda bratty Tiki lookalike with a shipload of hair. Her "transformation" in Fire Emblem Heroes is silly.
Speaking of Fire Emblem Heroes, she's annoying me like crazy in the Arena and Aether Raids. Her Speed is insanely high and she has a powerful Special skill that restores HP and does a lot of damage with only a 2 cooldown. Combine that with something that improves her mobility like Guidance or Gray Waves and it's extremely tough to run from Sothis before the enemy phase.

Black Eagles

Edelgard

Kinda pretty, not gonna lie. Her outfit makes her look like a modern-day general, I think.

But I'm mostly indifferent. Besides, a lot of other men like Mangs are chasing after her.

As for battle prowess, I'm not sure about her Three Houses performance, but she's so good in Fire Emblem Heroes. She fits the "female Hector" role quite well; her skills turn her into a hard-hitting tank when not adjacent to any ally. I gave her Axebreaker to bypass Wary Fighter users like Surtr (who annoys me because of his tankiness, personal weapon, and awful personality).

Hytale Smash Bros. Stuff

Hytale allows players to change their character models and even gain the ability to fly, according to their "Custom Content" post. I think this has potential to be turned into a Super Smash Bros.-like minigame, and if I were to contribute to such a minigame, I would pay homage to Three Houses.

If Hytale adds an eagle as a playable character, make it optional to put long white hair on it. Make it wield an axe on its talons or beak. Modders can add Adrestian Emperor armor.

Limit its flight to something similar to Jigglypuff's or Kirby's jumping.

Maybe it can be slightly faster than infantry like Kweebecs or heavy fliers like dragons but slower than other lightweight fliers like the (deadeye) pigeon.

The eagle should probably be a versatile, strategic fighter to symbolize Edelgard receiving tactical advice from Hubert.

Hubert

I like his support conversations with Alfonse in Fire Emblem Heroes.

Other than that, he looks and acts like a massive douchebag. I think he's similar to Saizo in that regard; extremely loyal to their liege, but distrusting of others. His tactical ability reminds me of Soren from Path of Radiance and Radiant Dawn.

Dorothea

Very hot, not gonna lie. The hair, the smile, the fact that she's a songstress, the you-know-whats on her middle... No surprise that loads of men are chasing after her similar to Edelgard. If Dorothea saw her real-life lover boys, she would be in huge trouble inside her brain, I think.
She also roasts Sylvain hard in their C support conversation.

So, no. I'm not gonna jump into the Dorothea crowd.

I'm not a fan of Dorothea's timeskip appearance, though.

Ferdinand

He acts like a tryhard to Edelgard. Oh well, at least he makes a good cavalier; cavaliers are so dominant in the early game of most Fire Emblem games because of their movement, balanced stats, and early access to swords and lances.

Bernadetta

Her 2D art pre-timeskip is kinda ugly, not gonna lie. Her growth rates are a bit too average--50% speed doesn't matter much with a puny 35% strength.
She does look better in the timeskip, but I once mistook her for Lute.

But hey, she has a talent in writing! Sylvain accidentally read one of Bernadetta's novels, much to Bernadetta's shock.

Caspar

Bad anger issues are a huge no-no for me, especially since I regularly live with hot-heads.

But he does have a lot of redeeming qualities, like his well-balanced growth rates, specialization in brawling, and support conversation with Raphael.
I'd consider recruiting Caspar to be my speedy powerhouse similar to Chrom.

Linhardt

Too girly for my taste. I do sympathize with him because, like him, I enjoy researching (especially Hytale), but we're both lazy and sleepy. The Lyn x Reinhardt memes are funny, but I hate fighting Reinhardt in Aether Raids.

Petra

My favorite Black Eagles student. She's hot, versatile, and has great speed. (I respect people who are fast in real life.) I wish she had a more foreign accent, though.
(Too bad there are no daggers in Three Houses.)

Overall

Lots of hot waifus and hard hitters, but a lot of people choose Black Eagles for the waifus to begin with. So I give them a 7/10.
Interestingly, my Singaporean friend chose Black Eagles mainly for the waifus.

Blue Lions

Dimitri

I think he's handsome and I like how he specializes in lances, a weapon which I personally would like to specialize in.

But he gets FREAKING UGLY in the timeskip!

Interestingly, Joe Zieja pulled off many of Dimitri's attacks decently, even though Joe plays Claude. Maybe Claude should have a budding talent in lances instead of axes.

Hytale Smash Bros. Stuff

I think it's very likely that Hytale will have lions because of their Tweets related to The Lion King. Of course, let players put blonde hair (and maybe an eyepatch) on their lions. I'm not sure where to put a lance, though.

Maybe it should be focused on heavy offense because of that iconic "Kill every last one of them!" timeskip scene.

Dedue

He's eh.

Felix

I slightly like him mainly for being a speedy sword fighter, but I don't like how he acts like Navarre. He does like challenging strong foes like Fir does.

Mercedes

No, not the car brand.

I like her kindness and support conversations with Sharena, but I'll leave her alone with her BFF Annette.
I do understand why Mercedes is such a great waifu to some people: She gives that motherly vibe similar to Cherche. As Mark Manson said:

"In short, our unconscious is wired to seek out romantic interests who it believes will fulfill our unfulfilled emotional needs, to fill in the gaps of the love and nurturing we missed out on as kids. This is why the people we fall in love with almost always resemble our parents on an emotional level."

(I can't do that block quote thing; pls help)

Ashe

A bit better than Bernadetta, combat-wise. But I hardly know about his personality.

Annette

She's cute, but she belongs with Mercedes.

I still find it weird how she can use axes well, but at least it allows her to be a mixed attacker.

Sylvain

My favorite Blue Lions student.

Like me, he is loyal to his friends, but he's a womanizer like Sain and Inigo Laslow. (Laslow is a lot easier for me to say and memorize than Inigo.)

Come on, ladies, he's handsome. Get him while you can. I'm serious--this is tactical advice, not my lunacy at work.

I'll definitely try to recruit Sylvain into my class (if I have the money to buy a Nintendo Switch, which I don't).

Ingrid

Don't know her enough to make an opinion.

Overall

Sylvain is the only truly redeeming quality of this house. The other ones are meh. I give a 6/10.

Golden Deer

Thanks to Claude's Joe Zieja's video about Polygon saying Black Eagles is the most popular house, I got convinced into joining the Golden Deer, and boy, I have a lot of good things to say about this house.

Joe Claude

I like chill dudes. He's not as serious as Edelgard or Dimitri. He's a memelord. He's an archer. And best of all, he's a more mischievous version of Robin, but not to the point of Loki from Fire Emblem Heroes. (In Minecraft and Hytale, I fight dirty like Claude sometimes. Trorks, beware.)

Plus, Joe Zieja has a nice bulging chest. He's a US Air Force veteran, after all.

Hytale Smash Bros. Stuff

Of the three house mascots, the deer is the only one I know is confirmed in Hytale. And since I'm part of the Golden Deer, I'm playing as a deer. (And no, I'm not putting a "Dinnerbone" or "Grumm" name tag on myself to pay homage to the upside down Claude memes.)

Naturally, to stay true to Claude, the deer should wield a bow and specialize in dirty tactics like hit-and-run attacks, poisons to chip away defensive players, and maybe a grab attack where the deer pierces foes with its horns.

Maybe the deer can summon a wyvern as part of its "Final Smash"?

Joe Zieja and Noxy, I hope you're seeing this.

Lorenz

Weird face and hair, but at least he makes for a good Dark Knight.

I think Sylvain is a better womanizer than Lorenz, though.

Hilda

My least favorite Golden Deer student. She's SO FREAKING LAZY and will make other people do things for her! I'm too lazy to keep up with her laziness, considering that my over-generosity is a pain in my butt to begin with! Plus, she looks like a thot in her timeskip appearance!

Screenshot from Miitopia

Raphael

Here we go: the big daddy of Garreg Mach Monastery.

He's basically male Effie minus Elise; he's super strong, loves working out, and eats a massive amount of food.

(admiration of Raphael's strength incoming)

How much can Raphael bench-press?

What would happen if Raphael and Effie fight each other?

What if Raphael was a WWE superstar? Can he beat the Undertaker?

What is Raphael's workout and diet plan?

Does Raphael like hugs? (Sorry, Mangs, but I plan to steal Raphael away from you)

I wish my dad, brothers, and niece looked more like Raphael.

(self-deprecation) I wish I had the money to eat like Raphael. Exercise won't do me a lot of good if I don't eat right.

(I'm not gay, btw)

Lysithea

Lute, THIS is a real prodigy. Before you assert your perceived superiority, check out this beast of a little girl.
Unlike Delthea, Lysithea trains a lot as well.

Her offensive stat growths are amazing, and that authority proficiency is no joke.

Too bad her defenses are absolute trash, but they don't matter when she can nuke foes from afar before they can get close.

If I'm motivated to work or study, I'm basically Lysithea but much stronger.
But if it's school work, I'm like Delthea.

Ignatz

I'm not a big fan of some characters who are artists; these include Ignatz. He looks like a nerd, though, and yes, I know some people think he's basically Harry Potter with those glasses.

Flying is his only flaw, but it hardly matters when Claude and Marianne can do that job just fine. Ignatz is still flexible; he specializes in a lot of weapons.

Marianne

Basically my younger brother minus the anger issues and strong personality? (My brother likes dogs.)

She's voiced by the same actress as Eir. Hopefully Marianne doesn't have a similarly crazy mother as Eir's.

Leonie

Don't judge me, but she's my Three Houses waifu.

She's the kind of girl who wants to be "the very best like no one ever was." She wants to be a mercenary, and so do I (more like a bounty hunter). She's good at lances and bows. She's frugal. And I can't go wrong with that chest area.

I don't like how she has a rivalry with Byleth and how she's not into romance, but fudge it, I'm going after her anyway! I think more boys go after Hilda, Marianne, or even...Claude.

Overall

Awesome characters, awesome personalities, awesome appearances, awesome battle prowess, awesome meme potential, a super strong character I can use to tease my family members, an awesome house leader (including his voice actor), and an awesome waifu. 9/10.

Church of Seiros (SPOILER AT THIS POINT)

Rhea

I don't like her. She acts like Lusamine from Pokémon Sun and Moon.

Hytale Smash Bros. Stuff

Gaia can take Rhea's role since...well, massive spoilers.

Light is the primary element of Gaia, while Rhea specializes in white magic, so I think this makes sense.

Manuela

One word:

Also, how do you not have a boyfriend yet despite your appearance? I bet a lot of real-life men have a crush on you. But not me.

Hanneman

Typical professor archetype. Not a fan. Many real professors are already a pain in my butt to begin with.
(If Linhardt was female, I bet many would ship Linhardt and Hanneman.)

Seth Seteth

No, not the OP paladin from Renais.

Seteth is a douchebag like Hubert, but also wary like Frederick.

Flayn

Kind of annoying, but also kind of cute. Too cute for a 17-year-old, though.

Cyril

Basically Donnel, but a lot more plain-looking and intimidating. I don't like him--give Donnel back to me.

Knights of Seiros

Jeralt

Basically Greil.

Catherine

She's eh.

Alois

Chill dude. Remember the scene where Byleth can tell Alois "I'm a bandit"?

Gilbert

He's eh.

Shamir

Attractive specialist in lances and bows, but slightly intimidating. An alternate waifu to Leonie.

Other

Peri-Alola Kronya

Basically Peri without Xander, but she's the biggest THOT!!!1!!11!!! in all of Three Houses.

Pheonixmaster1 described Kronya as "Alolan Peri". (What would Galarian Peri look like?)

Unlike Peri, though, Kronya is pure evil. Peri, on the other hand, can be friendly sometimes.
Also, Kronya disguised herself under a name that makes me hate FE8 Orson a lot more.
Regardless...

Death Knight

He's eh.