Sunday, April 12, 2020

(Swear-post) How I RAGE Against The Wuhan Coronavirus!

DISCLAIMER: I am NOT a doctor. TAKE EVERYTHING I SAY ABOUT THE WUHAN CORONAVIRUS WITH MORE SALT THAN THERE ARE ATOMS IN THE HUMAN BODY.
Besides, I'm seeing reports that the coronavirus may have not in fact come from the animal markets in Wuhan; instead, from a Wuhan laboratory that allowed the virus to escape after experimenting with a horseshoe bat.
Still, eating bats is firetrucking gross. Stop eating bats.

According to Mark Manson, "Nothing has all of the ingredients for the emotional breakdown recipe quite like a pandemic-induced global shutdown."
I mean, let's face it, even my life has been somewhat affected (though not massively) by pretty much the world being quarantined or on lockdown. I can't meet girls face-to-face where I can get clearer hints of their true natures (I maintain a friend zone with all girls I meet online but haven't met physically). I can't go to the gym where I have a lot more options for working out like running on a treadmill...and having trainers randomly ask to spar with me. (Exercising outside of home is banned here in the Philippines during the quarantine.) Our family store doesn't sell essential items, so I can't open the store. Most importantly, I can't freaking attend my game development class! (But hey, at least I can still blog! And Hypixel Studios is still working fine!)
But it gets worse for others. I have yet to verify them, but I've seen reports of families starving because they don't have enough food to survive the quarantine. Panic buyers flood the supermarkets every day to the point that customers, including my mom and dad, even have to wait outside the supermarket entrances (but at least social distancing is enforced and obeyed). Heck, a UK teen committed suicide.

All this complete cattle feces because the blasted Chinese government and the WHO covered up this virus despite overwhelming evidence! Heck, flights from Wuhan were still allowed--part of the reason why countries like the United States and Italy are firetrucked up!
What kind of firetrucked-up strategy was the Chinese government thinking in covering up this virus? The only thing my gaming strategy-filled brain can think of is "trying not to induce panic". This is a point where I think feelings don't matter and earlier action from the public could have lessened the chance of an epidemic, let alone a firetrucking pandemic.

Anyway, I was inspired by this Tweet from Paul Joseph Watson:
Now, I admit, I don't actually plan to do exactly what PJW said. The Philippines has good diplomatic relations with China, and I think that may have improved the Filipino citizens' general impression of China. If I loudly boo China, at best, I'd sound disturbing to my neighbors who are mostly peaceful and quiet 24/7, and at worst, I could get an outrage mob that could put my family members' lives at risk.

Instead, I boo China, the WHO, and everyone else who contributed to the spread of the virus (yes, I'm looking at you, Nancy Pelosi and Koko Pimentel)...by DESTROYING MY PUNCHING BAG!

But this is no ordinary slugfest.
Screw pacing myself when I've practically warmed up just by doing laundry almost every day.

Step 1: Drink lots of water--I recommend 250-500 ml in one sitting. Imagine the water is an alcoholic drink then imagine yourself as the Drunken Master. Extra points if you play a drinking game such as drinking 50 ml every time I say "Hytale" in a Hytale-related post.

Step 2: Play some YouTube videos related to the Wuhan coronavirus. PJW has uploaded 5 videos about this so far with more than 50 minutes combined so you can rage on for a full 12-round boxing match with 3 minutes each and 1-minute breaks in-between.

Step 3: While the videos are playing, start with some basic jabs and crosses to warm up the mind and body. "Get your head in the game", as basketball coaches say. Get used to it slowly so that, later, you'll feel more comfortable using defensive maneuvers and more complex and powerful combos.

Step 4: Pretend to block or dodge attacks, then use more complex and powerful attacks. Imagine yourself slipping away from a punch then striking the face or ear while your enemy (i.e. the Wuhan coronavirus and its "cover-uppers") is wide-open. Follow-up with some elbows, knees, headbutts, chokeholds, you name it.

Step 5: Every time a contributing factor to the spread of the Wuhan coronavirus is mentioned in the video you're listening to, such as bat soup or a government official encouraging mass gatherings, hit your punching bag harder or use a special move. I like to chokehold the punching bag then hammerfist the abdomen at full power.
In Fire Emblem Heroes-speak, use one of the following Special skills: Aether, Astra, Dragon Fang, Glacies, Ignis, or Luna.
Alternatively, if you don't have a punching bag, quickly throw lots of jabs and crosses while imagining yourself doing the "MUDA MUDA MUDA" scene in JoJo's Bizarre Adventure.

The following steps involve weapons.

Step 6: Once you're tired or bored of using your fists, use a bludgeoning weapon on your punching bag. I recommend a baseball bat or golf club; cleaning tools break too easily when used as weapons. Do not swing a pool cue, by the way; only use it for thrusting.
Alternatively, if you want to use a cleaning tool or bladed weapon like a dagger, do it shadowboxing or shadowfencing style.
I don't have a tool that's accurate to the weight distribution of a spear, but I practice with a plastic shortsword.

Step 7: If you have a gun, a bow and arrows, or a Nerf blaster, set up some targets then shoot them down. Extra points if, again, these targets have the faces of coronavirus cover-uppers.

Step 8: Since magic doesn't exist, take a break from the physical beatdown and exercise your brain. Either learn more about the Wuhan coronavirus by studying academic papers and news reports, or do some random quizzes on Khan Academy.

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