Combat Breakdown: Hytale Winter 2021 Development Update...With Too Many Genshin Impact Analogies

DISCLAIMER: Based on pre-release information and my own imagination and interpretation, just for fun, yadda yadda yadda.

At the point since the summer 2021 development update when they announced the release date to be "2023 at the earliest" and will intentionally keep things under wraps due to spoilers, I've pretty much accepted that Hytale will remain silent. I've just been going on with my normal life: teaching English, studying painfully complicated stuff for college, selling in my family store, running my new YouTube channel, and, of course, playing Genshin Impact.

So I had mixed feelings when Hytale suddenly announced its appearance on RiotXArcane. I thought, sure, Hypixel Studios is owned by Riot Games, but what's the connection between the new Netflix show (a League of Legends story, by the way) and Hytale? (Turns out there were a ton of crossovers, not just between Riot's other games, but also Among Us and Fortnite. However, the Hytale part was exclusively about Hytale; no crossover stuff.)

New Oasis Biome

I like this new biome--it somewhat reminds me of Genshin Impact's Liyue region's Luhua Pool and Qingce Village which have terrace-like pools of water (which are based on similar pools in China).

Mantling

Although from how I understood the clip, the player can jump up to 2 blocks high and grab ledges up to 3 blocks high, the blog post said that "From a standing start, a player can currently jump and grab a ledge that is four blocks high." This makes travel and parkour so much easier and reduces the need for pillar-jumping, especially in pursuits where the player may otherwise be cornered at the edge of a mountain.

Note the "from a standing start" phrase. In real life, a human can jump higher and further with a running start thanks to momentum. It may be possible that, in Hytale, the player can climb taller heights--maybe 5 blocks high--with a running start.

I'm used to short and realistic jumps in video games, especially Minecraft, so this may take a while to get used to. I also thought at first, "Why are they jumping so high when they're wearing practically nothing (i.e. no equipment enhancing their jumps)?"

Dual-Wielding Daggers

Being a tactician and martial artist who enjoys fighting, you can easily guess that this was my favorite part of the presentation. If you recall from my coverage of the summer 2021 development update, I wild-guessed that daggers would be S-tier. Now, we have some more concrete evidence to verify or falsify that! It's breakdown time!

Note that, aside from the signature move (referred to in the blog post as a signature attack), none of the dagger attacks have any official names, so instead, I'll use Genshin Impact terms. In general, this is how Genshin Impact left-click attacks work:

Normal Attack: Rapidly left-click to perform a quick multi-hit combo.

Charged Attack: Hold left-click to perform a more powerful attack with a special effect.

Plunging Attack: Left-click in mid-air to rapidly descend and strike the ground, dealing DMG upon impact.

Also note that I assume all Hytale attacks, including Normal Attacks and Plunging Attacks, consume stamina, unlike Genshin Impact where only non-bow/Arataki Kesagiri/Equitable Judgment Charged Attacks and Jean's held Elemental Skill consume Stamina.

Normal Attack

As expected of a dagger, its Normal Attack is very fast and, aside from the mace's hilt bash, is the only attack I know that is not telegraphed at all, unlike the sword's Normal Attack.

It appears to hit only up to 2 times, unlike the sword's 3-hit combo. It was showcased in a serious fight against an opposing player, though, so the players were likely more focused on defeating their opponent than making a showcase--if the dagger player attacks too much, they'll leave themselves defenseless. I hope it's not just a 2-hit combo.

Dagger wielders in Hytale wield them in reverse, so it's pretty fun to watch them slashing, even though I feel it's impractical in real life--daggers are best used to pierce just like when thrusting with a spear or sword...and why I'm glad I learned to sidestep while practicing boxing.

Charged Attack

This is where a lot of the dagger's amazing power comes from. It is simply a horizontal dash that can be used to damage distant foes or evade attacks. There is very little, if any, ending lag so the dagger wielder can immediately go back on the move.

Even better: This move can be used in mid-air AND AFTER GETTING KNOCKED BACK! It's just like a lot of moves in Super Smash Bros. like Pikachu's Quick Attack!

Note mainly for Hu Tao mains: The dagger's Charged Attack stops the player's movement upon hitting an enemy instead of passing through enemies like Genshin Impact polearm Charged Attacks do. As such, it cannot be used to evade enemies' forward Dash Attacks or pierce through multiple foes in a straight line.

This Charged Attack works a bit more like Alhaitham's Elemental Skill minus the ability to ascend into the air. (Good thing I'm an Alhaitham main!)

Plunging Attack

There's no dashing involved in this one but unlike Genshin Impact where it's completely vertical, this Plunging Attack can be done from an angle for better accuracy or to quickly slip through gaps in walls. It also inflicts a little more knockback.

As far as I know, only the dagger and the mace have a Plunging Attack. The dagger wielder seemed able to do it similar to a Normal Attack while the mace wielder is locked behind a signature move.

However, this is more predictable than the other dagger attacks because the dagger wielder, like with other mid-air attacks, has to be in the air to do it. A well-executed shield block can easily stop this attack.

Also, I love the sound effect upon impact. It's like really digging deep into your foe's guts.

Signature Move

Similar to the sword's signature move, the dagger's signature move is charged by dealing damage. (I thought it would be charged by landing Charged Attacks.)

The dagger's signature move is simply a 3-hit combo followed by a dash attack with extra knockback. While executing this, the wielder has resistance to interruption and knockback.

I'm not a fan of this signature move. The first 2 hits are identical to the Normal Attack combo in terms of speed (though we don't know how much damage any of these attacks deal). I don't think the player can jump while performing this, so the defending player can either pillar-jump or do an air dash with the dagger's Charged Attack to evade this completely, assuming signature moves are unblockable. Additionally, the first 3 hits don't interrupt the target.

In other words, I see it as an enhanced Normal Attack + Charged Attack combo that cannot be animation-canceled.

Verdict

The dagger brought me a mix of mostly positive emotions. Performing Charged Attacks is VERY satisfying--it lets the player quickly ambush foes, especially since the third-person view does not show much behind the player's back. Of course, we can't forget about its versatile dodging ability. As an evasive frontline fighter, this weapon suits me very well.

The signature move is ironically poor in defense, but it makes up for the dagger's lack of offensive power--the blog post mentioned "steadily chipping away at a foe" which implies to me that daggers don't deal a lot of damage.

The Plunging Attack was a big surprise since I thought it was exclusively available as the mace's signature move. Given how it can be used to drop down diagonally, combined with the higher jump height compared to Minecraft, it can be used to strike foes on slightly higher ground.

The dagger is excellent for patiently taking down melee foes no matter how many or how powerful they are. It'll take a lot of mouse dexterity to hit a dagger player zipping all over the place, especially since they can use the air to their advantage. They're also near-impossible to hit with bows and similar ranged weapons.

However, daggers still have notable weaknesses mainly due to them being melee weapons. A ranged attacker on a high vantage point or separated by a large gap can force a dagger player without a ranged weapon to pillar-jump and/or build a bridge; otherwise, they'll be a sitting duck. Magic can probably negate a dagger wielder's dashing ability with a vacuum field (wind) or by freezing them in place (water; yes, ice is part of the water element in Hytale). For a melee option, a sword-and-shield player can easily block the dagger's predictable Plunging Attacks and, to a lesser extent, Charged Attacks when distant. Because the dagger's attacks cannot pass through foes, a sword-and-shield player can also edgeguard a dagger player on a battlefield that has a risk of fall damage or instant death by falling from something like a floating island or a mountain.

(Note that we don't know how throwing daggers will work. Can only specific daggers be thrown, or all daggers? Can throwable daggers perform melee attacks? Throwing was not shown in the presentation.)

I just have to remember to stay calm when wielding daggers because I have a habit of dashing in Genshin Impact like I'm pressing a panic button. If I dash too much, I'll probably run out of stamina.

Still, I can't believe the dagger player lost to the mace player. I thought the dagger would absolutely wipe the floor with the mace. Either the dagger player played badly, the mace player played well, or both. Eh, if only we knew the faces behind those helmets--I wanna ask those players if they have some competitive experience in fighting games because I feel like they don't.

Also, do daggers really have to be dual-wielded? Can they be viable in other combinations such as dagger-and-shield or dagger-and-sword? Dagger-and-sword, in particular, is viable in real life.

Overall, I put daggers in the A tier.

Now, if only there was an equipment set that increases damage after using a Charged Attack while the signature move is partially or fully charged...

Tactics

Is the dagger good for beginners?

Gamers with a moderate amount of experience with action combat games, especially fighting games like Super Smash Bros., Street Fighter, or Tekken, can pick up the dagger very easily thanks to their honed reflexes.

However, I don't recommend this weapon for casual players. I'm guessing evasion is the dagger's only defensive tactic and it cannot block.

Swords, on the other hand, still attack fairly fast and synergize well with shields which let the player passively block attacks. We're not sure yet, however, if there's a timed block mechanic that can block more damage or negate it entirely.

In PvP, I see the dagger as a weapon that ALL fighters should learn to attack with and defend against, whether or not they plan to be dagger mains. (I plan to be a fist or polearm main for roleplay since I imagine they'll try to balance all weapon types.) It allows the player to exploit split-second drops in their foes' defenses and is currently the most reliable and confirmed way to completely avoid damage. I think dagger mains will also form a large chunk of the competitive community, judging by how enthusiastic CanadianFlash was when he saw the daggers, so split-second reflexes also become important on the defensive side.

Why don't you recommend the dagger to casual players but at the same time encourage all fighters to learn the dagger?

While it is possible to play casually with a dagger, I typically don't imagine PvP to be done by casual gamers in general. In my head, casual players don't seek glory from combat; they may get into a fight or two but as long as they can defeat a foe easily, feel the satisfaction of victory, and move on to the next task such as advancing the story, building their house, or finding treasure, they're chill. That said, if your idea of casual gameplay is mowing down hordes of Trorks with daggers, have fun.

Learning the dagger is something I encourage for players who want to take PvP seriously.

PvE

Monsters that don't use player movesets usually have their attacks heavily telegraphed, making daggers an easy way to destroy them.

However, in addition to struggling with ranged attackers, daggers (assuming not all of them are throwable) are weakest to airborne foes since their Plunging Attacks only go downwards; like all other known weapon types, daggers are limited to the standard 2-block jump when attacking foes in the air.

Vs. Dagger

I admit that I'm bad at analyzing mirror matches but I'll try my best.

Because of how predictable they are, as well as their ending lag, I'd avoid using Plunging Attacks on opposing dagger wielders unless I'm sneak-attacking. Instead, I'd focus entirely on Charged Attacks.

If a battlefield has hazards like fire or obstacles like tree trunks, shield yourself behind them to block the opponent's Charged Attacks then circle around them.

Focus on Normal Attacks and the signature move in cramped spaces where there's not a lot of room to dash around.

Vs. Mace

Being two-handed weapons, maces pack long-ranged attacks aside from the deceptively fast and powerful hilt bash.

In general, a dagger player should bait a mace wielder into attacking first to exploit lag and exhaust their stamina. Get within the mace's maximum range but not within "punching" range and hope the mace wielder does a Normal Attack. If the mace wielder refuses to attack first, launch a Charged Attack and back away immediately--or even better, if your signature move is charged, to begin with, use that thanks to its resistance to interruption.

Mace wielders appear to have no anti-air attacks similar to a Shoryuken, so they're the weakest to the dagger's Plunging Attack.

Vs. Sword-and-Shield

I see the sword-and-shield combo as a hard counter to the dagger mainly thanks to its ability to block. Like other games, successfully blocking an attack inflicts much less lag on the defender compared to not blocking, so this leaves dagger wielders wide open to sword counters. Additionally, there's no startup lag on the sword's signature move so, when fully charged and timed well, a sword wielder can completely stop a dagger wielder in their tracks.

If Hytale shields don't drain stamina while blocking (even if no actual attacks are blocked), then theoretically, a shield wielder would be unstoppable except by overwhelmingly powerful attacks like, say, a Staff of Homa (a 5-star polearm) against a pot lid (one of the weakest shields in Breath of the Wild and Tears of the Kingdom). However, for the sake of this section, assume that Hytale shields DO drain stamina because my brain can't handle thinking of a way to counter an otherwise ridiculously powerful weapon type.

If the sword wielder is a human player, try to intimidate them into playing defensively. I would go "random BS go!" with backing away, Normal Attacks, and Charged Attacks.

Similarly, if the sword wielder is an AI enemy, fight it multiple times to find weaknesses in its AI. Alternatively, maybe wait a month or so after the full release for modders and theorycrafters to do a deep dive on the AI Avatar.

"Into the Endless Sky" OST Review

I didn't expect this track to blow me away. It's more upbeat than all the other tracks I've heard so far like I just wanna wake up and run to the most thrilling adventure spot.

It's a shame that it's only about 90 seconds long, but it's still good. I'm guessing, based on the accompanying clip, that it's a sunrise track.

TL;DR summary: Players can climb up to 4 blocks high. Daggers can dash and do Plunging Attacks, making them really fun for ambushes and dodging.

Season 4 - Dick Figures Nostalgia

My Story Prior to Season 4

Unlike Seasons 2 and 3 which had their release dates announced on the last episode and were released 1 month after the last episode, Episode 30 "Kung Fu Winners" only stated the vague "release date" of "Soonish". Being an early teen who started watching Dick Figures in January 2012 and instantly loved it, I was very impatient for Season 4.

Although, I think, in March 2012, I lost patience and assumed Season 4 wouldn't happen at all since a little more than a month had passed at the time. It didn't stop me from watching the other 3 seasons over and over, though.

I didn't follow any of Dick Figures's social media accounts at the time, so the release of Episode 31, "Losing Streakers", REALLY caught me by surprise. Speaking of which, this is a perfect segway into the next section...

#31: Losing Streakers

"Sal Sagev, whoo! How're you doin' up there?" "Aaahhh! I don't wanna go, you asshole!" "Craps city!"

I was overhyped for this episode when it came out; Red's excited voice and Blue being tied to the top of the car further fueled the hype.

Heck, I barely paid attention to what went on throughout the episode. Makes me feel like a kid again who did nothing but mash A in Pokémon...

Now, I should probably say this line in my head when I'm going on an adventure to an exciting place such as Japan (never been there), Singapore (my good friend NachoPizza lives there), or a romantic date (no surprise 'cause I'm a hopeless romantic).

Perhaps "Aaahhh, I don't wanna go, you asshole!" adds to the thrill because it's a way of breaking rules; in this case, someone else's right to move freely.

I'll try my best not to actually force anyone to come with me, though I did send my high school crush to the arcade against her will on my 17th birthday. Needless to say...it was my worst birthday ever.

Girls: (manly voice) BALLSACK.

It's a random joke thrown in for fun, but this is probably the best part of the episode for many people. The girls (voiced by animator Lynn Wang) had properly girly voices otherwise.

Lynn Wang actually said the "ballsack" lines in a proper girly voice while recording according to Kickstarter Update #3.

They just replaced "ballsack" with a manly voice...but I don't know who voiced it.

"That was horrible. Let's never do that again." "You're right. We're never going to Sal Sagev again." (pause) "VIVA LAS VEGAS!!!" "AAAAHHHH!!!"

When you think you've solved a problem only for a similar one to come up immediately afterward...

By the way, if you haven't caught on to the joke, "Sal Sagev" is Las Vegas spelled backwards.

#32: Pussy Magnet

I didn't know that "pussy" was a euphemism at the time, so I associated it with cats. It only got worse when Red literally magnetized cats until he was completely covered in them.

Red: First thing you gotta do is surprise 'em. Ladies love surprises. Check this out. (splashes water on two girls) SURPRISE! *girls French-kiss each other*

Uhhh...I think the only way a "surprise" would work in a romantic context is with either a gift or a surprise party. Spoiler alert: neither one of those happens in this episode.

Although to be fair, I do surprise my mom on a regular basis by trolling her into thinking I did not do what she wants me to do.

Red: Alright, step 2: Confidence (French accent). When you talk to mademoiselles, you got to be direct.

I 50% agree with this one.

Despite my hopeless romantic attitude, my cautiousness is more dominant, sometimes to the point of paranoia. That's why I, in my own words, prefer to slowly climb the friendship ladder before being explicitly romantic. In the first few days or weeks, I will, for the most part, alternate personalities between interviewer and interviewee, rather than being friendly. That way, I can subtly intimidate potential criminals and slackers into thinking I'm not worth the time and effort to fool while also expanding my own knowledge about the girl.

But, after a few minutes of asking about the girl's interests and story to build rapport and calm her down, that's when I formally establish rules.

The #1 rule I have is: "If I'm doing something you don't like, please point it out immediately, even if it might 'hurt my feelings'." That way, I don't have to rely exclusively on my own moral judgment--after all, some people know things I don't.

In terms of being "direct" as shown in the episode, heck no. I'm not sure why, but if a girl I don't know or barely know were to approach me with something as direct as "Do you want to be my boyfriend?", I would put on a face of disapproval and ask, "...Why?"

I think, when I do become romantically direct, I would say something like this: "We've been friends for a while now, and you've been very kind to me. (Insert kind acts.) For all you've done for me, I propose... Would you like to be my girlfriend?"

The actual answer may vary because I've never reached this level with any single girls yet. I also want to add a fancy act--I'm thinking of a bow.

"So, all you need to is surprise 'em, be confident, and get a sick lid." "*sigh* Goddammit. Okay."

I rarely say "goddammit", but that's what pops into my brain when I reluctantly follow orders.

(Pink is reading "Hungr Dames") "PINK-I-LOVE-YOU!" *Pink shoots Blue* "Blue, what is your problem!?" "The bullet...in my body."

In a way, Blue following Red's instructions worked--it really surprised me when I watched this for the first time. I thought: why would Pink shoot her own boyfriend!?

I don't think this is a reasonable reaction even for something as shocking as this, but whatever. I don't know enough about girls.

Still, Blue is right...in a funny and tactical way. "The bullet...in my body." I'mma weaponize that when I don't appreciate someone being mad at me for no clear or good reason... In other words, "I think better when I'm relaxed. Your anger doesn't help me think straight."

Edit, December 3, 2022: I actually did it. I shouted at Dad while he was ranting non-stop while I was busy, "Ever heard of morale!?"

#33: Taco Tuesday

Red accidentally cut his hand in this episode, causing him to scatter high-pressure blood all over the place. This is another reason I think Red has superpowers even when he's not Batman. I wonder how much blood he has compared to the human average of more than 5 liters...

"Thanks for buying lunch, man. For once." "I thought you said you were getting lunch." "What? I don't have any money!" "I never have money!"

Communication is key, guys. Even in friendships.

This is exactly what I'm afraid of when it comes to dating. This is also one more reason I follow the US Coast Guard motto: "Semper paratus" (Latin for "Always ready").

"Driver!" "There's no way you're driving my car!" (Red drives it) "How did this happen!?"

Not sure why I put this in. I just plain like it.

I guess I just prefer to be in control of things.

This is usually how Dad thinks when I want to drive or Mom tells me to. I'm a bad driver and Dad is much more paranoid than Mom who thinks it's an opportunity to steadily improve my driving.

Usually, I end up driving anyway.

Edit: I'm getting steadily better at driving...though I admit I'm leaning too much into Badass Driver territory by performing near misses and sharp turns. Mom gets very dizzy when I drive.

"Hey, guys!" *Blue's car bumps Mr. Dingleberry* "Ack! Aaaccckkk..." "Oh, fuck x9!" "Get the body! No evidence! Get the body!" "What're you doing, man?" "I don't know! Drive away! Drive away!"

Yeeeaaahhh...sometimes, the criminal things I do are so risky that I have no choice but to leave evidence behind and have to clean it up immediately afterward before...who knows when the "cops" (usually my parents) come.

I also say "Oh, fuck, oh, fuck, oh, fuck!" when a deadline is approaching in just a few minutes--EVEN WORSE if they're SECONDS. My blood pressure becomes so high that my arms tremble like an old man's as I forcefully maximize my Dexterity ability score temporarily. Don't even get me started with random Internet connection problems.

"Oh my God, that was close! We can't do that again!" *bump* "Oh, fuck x5, oh--" "Aaaahhhh!" "Uww!" "Oh, fuck, oh, fuck, oh, fuck!" "No, no, no, no, no!" "Ugh..." "Aaaahhhh!" *bump* *Blue cries*

When your problems just keep coming at you one after another...

This brings to mind another set of lines from another animated web series, this time "Starter Squad": "AAAHH! I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!" *grabs Weepinbell* "Ah! What are you doing?" "Charmander, attack!" "What happened to empathy?" "Screw empathy! There's a time and place for everything, but not now! Kick his ass!" "Finally!"

"This is a huge problem!" "Yeah, there're, like, 20 dead people in my car!" "No, I don't think we're gonna get a tip!" "What're we gonna do?" "I got an idea!" *Red and Blue bail out of the car, sending it falling off a cliff* *The car's shrinking shadow is above an elementary school* "Oh, no!" *Above a baby panda sanctuary" "Oh no!" *Above the lesbian Italian restaurant Red and Blue ate in* "Oh, that's fine."

Before thinking of a quick but risky way to solve a big problem, I think to myself, "This is a huge problem!" "What're we gonna do?" "I got an idea!"

Like most people, I think much faster under pressure, but I basically do trial-and-error in my brain, hence "Oh, no! Oh no! Oh, that's fine." when I finally get to a solution I think is good.

#34: Ocho Muerte

"She's released the Kraken!" "Ah! Pink!" *tries to open the door* "Are you kidding me? I locked myself out!"

It's rare for me to lock myself out...but I did so this year. Our store structure, which is made of wood, is probably 6 years old, and since I move very quickly and apply a lot of force in the process, the handle on our barrel bolt lock broke apart. There was a hole where the handle was, but it rolled in such a way that I couldn't reach it with something like a pencil. Even worse, I was hungry and lunch was ready.

Mom somehow bailed me out by turning the bolt while she was on the other side; it was a Dutch door where the bottom half was broken.

I know it's not related, but I want to practice lockpicking. However, there are more important things I have to do with my money like buying a new house. Lockpicking tools and a practice lock are somewhere near the bottom of my wishlist.

*Trollz0r fapping*

I didn't know that to "fap" meant to masturbate, so I thought "fap" was the sound of a keyboard button being pressed, especially given that Trollz0r is a pro gamer.

I did not look closely at how Trollz0r's arms were positioned.

"Let's just order takeout." (referring to his burrito from the dumpster) "Want some?" "No. You have a knife in your head." "You have a knife in your head!" *throws the knife at Blue's head* (Episode end)

Although I use these lines in very different situations, I say the whole set regardless.

Starting with "Let's just order takeout", if both of us have difficulty agreeing on a certain decision, I try to settle the argument or dilemma as quickly as possible by making a swift decision.

For "Want some?" "No.", I generally dislike sharing food; for example, eating the cake slice of someone who already bit the slice. I'm willing to share chips, though.

I also use this for general occasions where I say "no" in a monotonous and serious voice, such as when I get asked a stupid question but I don't want to respond with full-blown anger.

Lastly, "you have a knife in your head" is what I use when someone has an obvious problem that the other person somehow doesn't notice.

But I get offended when it gets thrown back at me...because it turns the argument into a competition of "who's worse than the other person" when it should be focused on solving the problem at hand.

#35: First Day of Cool

Note that I'll have a separate nostalgia post specifically for Dick Figures The Movie. This is for parts that were cut in the final movie.

Offscreen male voice: Oh, no, not the explosion factory! *Explosion behind Blue*

In the final movie, Mr. Dingleberry instead says this line.

Also in the final movie, they weren't kidding when they said this is a world full of explosions. They wanted to sell that early on with this scene, especially with Blue not caring at all and just walking with a monotonous expression.

Okay, I'm not entirely sure how this scene resonates with me besides the humor. Perhaps Blue getting out of the school bus is similar to me getting out of the car to go inside the school building--when I was in high school, we were unique in that, despite being homeschooled, we had optional Wednesday face-to-face classes...and mandatory face-to-face exams.

When I wrote this paragraph, I listened to "Against the Invisible Net", one of the Inazuma battle themes. 2:56 is the best part for me; it feels VERY dramatic, like one of us is about to deal a decisive blow. Similar to the thrill I get when I fight, I see going to school as an opportunity to meet with my high school crush...which I didn't fully take advantage of because I was too shy. Man, I wish I could've done things differently since I'm learning a bit more about striking a balance between being direct and being elegant. In Genshin Impact terms, between Kujou Sara (or Diluc?) and Kamisato Ayaka.

*Red high-jumping and grunting as the fight starts*

Red is silent in the final movie. I don't know why. They took away one of my favorite parts...but oh well, at least this episode still exists.

Being a chuunibyou martial artist, I LOVE these grunts, especially with the lightning strike in the background. Red REALLY meant business in the rest of this scene, and so did the animators. Ed Skudder really meant it when he said "we're pumping up the quality a bit."

This was one of the main reasons I watched "First Day of Cool" over and over before the movie came out (and I was even nervous that it wouldn't reach the $250,000 Kickstarter goal).

Another reason also related to this fight scene is the killer track: "The First Fight". Those electro riffs and drums really slap. 

#36: The Red Devil

*Immediately after Red and Blue get out of Blue's car, it gets stolen* "Oh my God, my car!" "Dude, third rule of Mexico." "STAY IN THE CAR!"

Why does "STAY IN THE CAR!" resonate so much with me? I have no idea. Is it because, unlike the other rules, it's in all caps? Is it because I think about it when I'm ignorant of a rule I want to follow, such as something in Japanese culture?

Blue: Shit! We've no money, no car, and no passport! We have to sneak back into America!

I only resonated with this just because of the "sneak" word. Filthy thief, am I right?

Still, I'd rather not go through the trouble of proving my identity with the immigration nerds, so I just hold onto my valuables REALLY tightly and constantly turn my head.

Mexican Street Thugs: DIE, PUTOS!

Most of the English subtitles in this episode are intentionally wrong. This is a line they actually got right.

But I interpreted this differently as a younger teen. In Filipino, "puto" is a sweet rice cake. We do have "puta" which means the same in Spanish: "bitch". We never use "puto" (the male version of "bitch") even when insulting males--we mainly use "puta" as an expression similar to "fuck" or as part of the phrase "putang ina" meaning "[your] mother is a bitch".

I wonder why Red confirmed to Blue that they were shooting at "putas", though. That confused me even further.

Still, I strangely loved how the text was in all-caps Impact font, as well as how direct the thugs were before they shot down the opposing thugs.

"Dude, this is sweet! We got a car, we got a ton of money; best of all, we got BURRITOS!" "I am never napping again."

This is the polar opposite of "Oh, fuck, oh, fuck, oh, fuck!" This is when the good times keep on coming.

I think this is how I felt during the Genshin Impact 1st anniversary. Coincidentally, we were also celebrating something for my paternal grandmother. I was able to hoard a lot of Intertwined Fates (an item used for trying your luck on getting new characters/weapons) from the anniversary events; on top of that, I had fun ranting about the anniversary rewards with NachoPizza, he went on a date with his new girlfriend, and we had KFC for lunch to make fun of the Fowl meme.

Still, this wouldn't be so complete without my own girlfriend, if you ask me.

#37: Freshman 15

(Trollz0r) "Hey, baby, take off that overshield so I can dual-wield your halos." (Girl) "Are you, like, a foreign exchange student?" *changes to Okay Guy* "Single-player activated..."

Yeah, I'd better be careful with using video game references when talking to people I don't know, especially if they're girls.

But I can't help it, man! It's easier to explain psychology by using video game analogies than spouting out loads of technical terms!

Then again, I don't play Halo (or whatever game Trollz0r referenced) so I have no idea what he means exactly, but judging by context clues, he wants the girl to take off her clothes (overshield) so he can touch (dual-wield) her boobs (halos).

"Oh, thank God, the medicine cabinet!" "Oh, shit, dude, that's expiiirrred..." *Blue's face and his vision get distorted* "ROBOTRIP!"

Again with me being ignorant of these terms that kids shouldn't know. Hence, I associated "robotrip" with robots.

The flashing neon lights, text zooming in and out per frame, and Zack Keller's voice made this sound extra funny to me. Heck, if you say "robotrip" to me repeatedly and in a weird voice, I might laugh like crazy.

I only recently learned that the "robo" in "robotrip" refers to Robitussin, a cough medicine. I took Robitussin as a little kid, but I strictly followed my prescription.

"Uh, I think he's dead." "Nah, he's alright." "Oh, you're such a good guy!" "You know it, bitch!"

Weaksauce compliment. How does simply saying Blue is "alright" make Red a good guy? Sure, from the girl's POV, Red is concerned for Blue, but this feels more to me like pointing out an obvious fact, assuming Blue REALLY is alright (which I doubt).

#38: Ballad of Lord Tourettes

The uncensored version of this episode is available on Nick Keller's Spotify and SoundCloud.

I grabbed a new hat from the wall
Hoping soon she'd be on my BALLS
But don't say that to a lady
It's so crass and FUCKING SHADY

Yeah, I'm glad I burned this stanza into my brain. That's why I always treat most girls with respect...unless they're thots: those get a punch from me.

"I love you," I sang with good pitch
Now, it's my turn to make you my--
BITCH, 'CAUSE I'M GONNA FUCK YOUR PUSSY TILL IT EXPLODES WITH A FUCKING MILLION BABIES! YOU CAN'T WALK AWAY! YOU'RE IN MY SEX DUNGEON NOW, MOTHAFUCKA! HA HA HA HA HA! HA, HA, HA, HAAA!!!

The lines in all caps are heavily censored in the YouTube version. I think this is when MondoMedia realized that YouTube has begun demonetizing videos that contain lots of swearing. And it's only getting worse as politics evolve and wokes get offended by more and more things.

The only lyrics I accurately guessed were "YOU'RE IN MY (bleep) DUNGEON NOW!" because...y'know, I'm an RPG fan.

I wonder why "YOU CAN'T WALK AWAY!" was censored, though... Is it because it sounds like kidnapping?

The official lyrics on Spotify are somewhat misspelled, so I used the Dick Figures Wiki lyrics instead with a few changes for grammar and accuracy. Ben Tuller (Lord Tourettes's voice actor) said them SO fast it's hard to listen to them clearly.

Note that I strictly don't want kids, so the "exploding with a million babies" thing doesn't apply to me. Instead, maybe this would play in my head when I meet a girl for the first time on a date...minus the sexual and vulgar stuff.

And, of course, I still do evil laughs.

#39: The Fart Knight Rises

Subtitles: LONDON, ENGLAND, UNITED KINGDOM, ETC

I can top that. "LONDON, ENGLAND, UNITED KINGDOM, EUROPE, EARTH, MILKY WAY". (Can you go any further? There seems to be no name for the universe besides the common noun.)

I hate having to handwrite my home address in forms because it's SO long. Instead of something like "#123 Hammer St., Craftsman City", I have to write "Block 13 Lot 69 King Nebuchadnezzar St., Brgy. Ancient Times, Boring Municipality, Mayor City". I often have to make my letters thinner if I overestimate the length of the blank.

Bloser to Earl Grey: Your accent sounds pretentious!

This is EXACTLY how I feel whenever I hear or see a Filipino using a foreign language (especially English) gratuitously.

Like, dude, just speak Filipino! I can understand and speak it just fine! Don't harm yourself!

Crowd: USA! USA!

I know I'm Filipino, but "USA! USA!" sounds really catchy. This is what I want patriotism to be like. For the same reason, I enjoyed the Regular Show minisode called--you guessed it--"USA! USA!"

It's just that "Mabuhay ang Pilipinas!" (Long live the Philippines!) doesn't roll off my tongue.

In my head, I chant "USA! USA!" when I uphold American values.

#40: Robot Frog

"I got some advice for you, I got some a-vice! You touch-a the boobies and you touch 'em-the-twice!" "Shut the hell up! She's a lady!"

Same deal as the "crass and fucking shady" line in "Ballad of Lord Tourettes".

I do like looking at girls' chest areas, but I would never try to touch them. Heck, that's why I feel nervous when I hug girls other than my family members.

"So, I know we've been dating for two years, and you're a really nice guy." (Brain) "That's very nice of her." (Crotch) "Nooo!"

I know the brain and crotch thing was first used in "Ocho Muerte", but I feel like this episode REALLY gave them separate personalities. In general, the brain thinks logically while the crotch aims to satisfy itself. In this case, the brain appreciates the compliment while the crotch is paranoid because of the context of this conversation: Blue and his girlfriend were going to "have a talk".

I...have let my "crotch" get the better of me once. I raged at someone for complimenting my appearance in my first ever video.

"But, I've just been so busy with med school and my three jobs, and I've never really gotten to go crazy, you know? I think I just need time for me." (Crotch) "To be a slut!" (Brain) "Where's this going?" "I've never even been drunk before."

This only resonated with me recently mainly because I'm raging at some people. I feel like they work too hard...or are forced to do so by their parents.

At least, from what I've heard, even though many Japanese people regularly do overtime, they stay home on the weekends. Some white-collar Filipino employees, including my dad and me, have to work LITERALLY EVERY DAY. Even weekends and holidays. And I'm not even in a position related to the government, medicine, or something else related to emergencies or national defense.

It's pretty unlikely even my crotch would say something along the lines of "To be a slut!" in this situation, though, again, I understand Blue's crotch's paranoia. Considering how I can be intimidating and strict in the first few chats, it's pretty unlikely this would happen in the first place to me...along with getting drunk because I hate alcohol.

I like what the brain said, though. It's being patient and open-minded. I should be more like that.

"Are you dumping me?" (Camera zooms out, revealing Stacy) "IS THAT VODKA!?" "It's time to let the real Stacy out, bitch! Whoo! I've forgotten everything!"

Yeah, I got trolled big-time by the earlier dialogue, hence why I stayed consistent and used Pink's color until this part. Stacy (normally voiced by Lauren Kay Sokolov) used Pink's voice (Shea Logsdon)!

I know break-ups more often than not feel REALLY bad for at least one person, but being a third party, I think of this as a happy ending. Stacy has been shown to act similarly to her new boyfriend Red in earlier episodes (canonically later, I think), with both engaging in casual sex and being alcoholics.

To be fair to Blue, however, Stacy felt forced to act prim-and-proper with Blue and Blue probably didn't realize it until now. As such, Blue felt comfortable with Stacy's...forced personality.

Now I wonder what Blue and Stacy were like when they first met. Maybe Stacy really was similar in personality to Blue at first, or at least that's what Blue thought. Stacy talked politely to Blue until this whole vodka thing.

Regardless, I'm...now extra paranoid. It's probably Insane Troll Logic at this point, but some girls may just be REALLY skilled at hiding their true personalities, even in situations where I might act as emotionless, formal, and scary as possible.

"Hey, where're you going?" "*sigh* I don't know, man. Things are different now. I guess I've learned a lot and it was good, but I gotta think about what I really want in life." "Don't care!" *slams the door shut* (muffled voice) "I think I'm gonna go see a movie."

Uhhh...I'm not sure what exactly Blue "learned" considering Stacy turned out to be terrible, but if I'm going to take a guess, he learned that he should have higher standards for girls. And, of course, he should focus more on building his personal identity.

I would've wanted Zack Keller to speak more monotonously in this scene to really sell the intense sadness, but this is alright.

"Don't care!" and slamming the door shut is EXACTLY what I think when I...well, don't care about something.

And although it's supposed to be a subtle reference to the recently released Dick Figures The Movie, I always seem to play that "I think I'm gonna go see a movie" line in my head. Blue seemed to have gotten over that break-up pretty quickly. Another happy ending!

Season 3 - Dick Figures Nostalgia

#21: Adventures of Batman & the Bloser

I'm honestly surprised that Mondo Media and Six Point Harness didn't get in trouble for using the name "Batman" multiple times, the first being in episode 3 "Flame War".

But, honestly, I don't want them to get in trouble. Red as Batman is distinct from DC's original Batman. Also, I'm just lazy to deal with law-related stuff, hence why I don't want to be a lawyer despite my 1.25 grade in Law and Multimedia.

Bloser: No, it's because I'm blue and I'm a total bruiser. The Bloser.

Yeah, this spelling rekt my brain. Its pronunciation officially rhymes with "bruiser" but I pronounced it as /BLOH-zer/ (as in "blow"). Also, both "Blue" and "bruiser" have U and no O. Why'd they spell it as "Bloser"? Shouldn't it be "Bluser"?

Also, Red pointed out that "Bloser" looks like "loser".

I reckon, if I become famous, I'd have to explain my name "LunaticTactician" often since both are rarely used words outside of WWE (Dean Ambrose, "Lunatic Fringe") and Fire Emblem (a game all about tactics), respectively.

"Wait, I got an idea! Red, shoot your eye lasers right when I tell you and this just might work." (Batman stays silent) "Red?" "That's not my name!" "Do I really have to?" "Yes." *bonks a butler* "Batman, shoot lasers out of your eyes when I tell you--" "I'M BATMAN!"

I hate pointless time-wasters like this one.

However, I do say "Do I really have to?" when I'm lazy to do something and it doesn't require my enhanced (strength, speed) or specialized (graphic design) skills.

Batman: Where there are liars, the truth will rise to meet them.

Yeah, this is why I sometimes get nervous about telling lies: because one way or another, the truth will be uncovered, whether through sheer carelessness or advanced technology.

#22: Real Dudes Bros Night Man

This title is kinda messy, not gonna lie, especially with the lack of punctuation marks. I have heard "dude-bros" before, so if I could rename this episode, it would be "Real Dude-Bros' Night Man": a guy who's really good at dude-bros' nights.

"What? Dude, who invited this guy?" "He invited himself." "What a mooch!"

Technically, that's true. And that's the funny part.

I know I played this in my head a lot, but I can't remember why.

"I remember back in '44 when we landed in Normandy." "Boooriiing!" "Oh my God, is it over yet?" *Mr. Dingleberry sheds a tear*

This is another group of lines I used a lot since I was a young teen when, y'know, I'm told to do something boring like a household chore.

Yes, I add the "OMG, is it over yet?" even though I haven't even started the chore. (While I swear a lot, "Oh my God" is a phrase I will never say, along with Filipino swear words.)

The full version of Mr. Dingleberry's story is available here...but I couldn't understand most of it.

Lord Tourettes: And I took the daisies to a fluffy-wuffy bear.

Yeah, another major difference between me and other boys is I love certain cute things. The fluffy-wuffy bear, in particular, was drawn with really cute eyes and a chonky body.

And yes, I used to call my younger brother the fluffy-wuffy bear as well.

I don't call him or my niece that anymore, instead preferring to call them "Klee", "Nahida", "Raiden Shogun", etc.

Of course, when I was younger, I was horribly disturbed by Lord Tourettes "fucking the shit out of it". Why would he DO that!?

This story actually won the manliness contest despite much of it being girly. I don't know why, but I'm just thankful that, during this time, Dick Figures didn't hold back in its humor.

If I had to choose which story was the manliest, I'd go for Red's story where he "cut a Siberian tiger in half in space" and "fought a fire demon from the 20th dimension" simply because it shows his amazing combat prowess.

This is followed closely by Mr. Dingleberry storming the beaches of Normandy since he literally completely exposed himself to the Nazis' machine gun fire...and CAME OUT ALIVE. In real life, this would be #1 because, right now, it's physically impossible to "fight a fire demon from the 20th dimension".

But, of course, if I could choose one out of personal preference, it'd be Blue's story just because I love RPGs. I can't imagine how long it would take to even complete a Daily Commission in Genshin Impact with no artifacts and only a Lv. 1 Dull Blade--this would turn an otherwise 30 seconds-or-less commission into...maybe 30 minutes.

#23: Terminate-Her

"Pink? Is that you inside that bacon?" "It's sexy bacon. Do you like it?" "Yeah, you look...crispy...and...delicious?" "Ugh. I wore this for you." "No, no, I--I really like it." "Whatever. If you don't like it, just say so." *Pink splashes her drink in Blue's face and cries* "I need a drink." *Blue gets hit by a goblet*

Not gonna lie, I don't want to see anyone in a bacon suit. I can't imagine other kinds of meat, but I probably wouldn't want them either.

Except I'd be honest about it. At this Halloween party, though, if I were Blue, I'd take Pink to a quieter place 'cause I don't enjoy starting drama in public.

I think I didn't understand this scene as a young teen, but it didn't bother me. It's only bothering me now.

Before re-watching this episode, I often told myself, "I need a drink." along with getting hit by an imaginary goblet whenever I wanted to drink water as copium.

Red's Terminator HUD: MEGA BITCH, HYPER SLUT

I should use these more often to refer to jerks and sluts, respectively.

"Hey, Red." "You son of a bitch." "Yeah... So you're looking for Sarah Connor?" "I'm looking for Sarah Connor!" "I can tell you where she is." "Do it! Do it now!" "She's right over there."

At least Red didn't correct Pink for this one, so yeah, he's probably still Red, not "the Terminator", unlike when I called him "Maroon" or "Batman".

I get really excited when I learn about "intel" (usually information about girls), so I say "Do it! Do it now!" in my head.

I also say "Do it! Do it now!" out loud when I half-jokingly tell my brother or dad to do me a favor or carry out Mom's orders.

"Are you Sarah Connor?" "Ugh, what?" *Sarah Connors gets thrown out the window* "You've been terminated." "Why did you throw that girl out the window?" *Red laughs* "Her name wasn't Sarah Connor! It was Sarah Connors!"

This is a killing, not a romantic encounter, but I love how wonderfully direct Red was in terminating Sarah Connors.

After all, lately, I've been drilling Alfonse from Fire Emblem Heroes into my brain, particularly his Special trigger lines "Above all, the mission!" and "My apologies." (the latter also used by Kamisato Ayaka from Genshin Impact). (I actually uninstalled FEH months ago because I already got all the Heroes I wanted and the power creep and walls of text in the skill descriptions were too much for my brain and time to keep up.)

Gaming aside, I also want to try to be direct when it comes to meeting good-looking girls for the first time. After "softening" them up with casual talk for maybe 5 minutes, I would "go over the rules".

#24: Modern Flame War 3

Yes, they literally skipped the number 2 and just slapped "Modern" onto the title despite being a direct sequel to Flame War. You'd think they'd make a Flame War 2 or Modern Flame War 1 first, but nope!

This episode came out 5 days before the release of the real video game it's based on: Call of Duty Modern Warfare 3...which actually had a Modern Warfare and Modern Warfare 2.

(Game) "Multiplayer in 3, 2, 1, Connection Lost!" (Trollz0r) "Y U no connect?" "Oh, what the hell!" "Mooom!" (Trollz0r's mom) "Jason, indoor voices." "K, Mom."

From the very beginning, this was already burned into my brain every time I struggled to get an Internet connection. That voice just goes so well with the complaint.

"Jason, indoor voices." is my way of telling myself to relax, even if I'm not actually talking loudly. I used to have a loud natural speaking voice, but I speak softer now to save energy and avoid drawing attention from others.

(Everyone) "The Internet's dead!" "Were you looking for the perfect boobs again?" "I was so close!" "You're crashing the Internet, dickfart! We're about to play Modern Flame War 3!"

Similar to "Y U no connect?", but after a longer period (maybe 5 minutes straight) of being unable to connect. I joke to my mom that someone is looking for the perfect boobs again.

While images are generally very light in comparison to Netflix movies and YouTube videos, I think it's still theoretically possible to crash the Internet...or, more specifically, servers hosting the porn images. Red, in particular, has superpowers even while not in an alternate "form" like Batman; he can float, he has super strength, he has the reflexes to dodge volleys of clothespins, and he can shoot lasers out of his eyes, so it's possible he has the hand-eye coordination needed to start downloading lots of porn images in split-seconds. In tech terms, a denial-of-service (DoS) attack.

#25: Planet Asshole

"You guys are dicks." "Yeah." "We were just going to collect all of your food tubes and leave, but now we're going to rename your planet in the galactic database..." "...to Planet Asshole." "Go for it." "Yeah, that sounds awesome."

I love how these aliens mix nerd speak with casual speak.

Political opinions ahead.

While I don't think "Planet Asshole" applies to modern-day Earth yet, we're getting steadily closer. Because almost all of us are mandated to stay at home due to the Wuhan coronavirus pandemic (fuck you, CCP, by the way), we use Internet services more than ever as copium, including but not limited to Zoom, Netflix, and, of course, social media. We internally rage at how other people seem to have better lives than us...while not actually trying to improve our own lives. We take out that rage on others, although we try to hide the real reason because we know it's shameful to be envious of others.

The protests in the United States just keep going, man! Can y'all just chill out about racism? Let bygones be bygones!

I don't know why Red and Blue wanted the aliens to go ahead with renaming to "Planet Asshole", though.

Also, those aliens are overgeneralizing based on how they were treated by two out of billions of humans. Red and Blue don't even hold positions of authority (not counting their Batman and Bloser identities).

But oh well. Many Dick Figures characters are jerks to some degree, even war veteran Mr. Dingleberry since he assisted Lord Takagami in Dick Figures The Movie, as well as Pink who threw her goblet at Blue for not liking her bacon outfit. The only non-jerk I can think of is the Raccoon--he fights for what is right but I think it wasn't his fault he accidentally burned down all of Japan.

"We hate you." "We are going to reroute an asteroid into your planet's orbital path." *Red and Blue suddenly stop laughing* "Prepare to be destroyed in 86 million Earth years."

Basically the Wrath of the Rock, except by aliens.

86 million Earth years is literally 86 million years for us people living on Earth, so based on exactly what the aliens said, I wouldn't be scared at all.

They were horribly wrong. Not only did the asteroid hit shortly after the aliens stole all the burritos on Earth, but it also hit...the aliens' UFO, leaving Earth unharmed. Not sure why Ed and Zack chose to kill off the aliens, but let's call it...revenge.

#26: Zeusbag

According to the official Facebook page, "[Ed and Zack] probably played too much God of War when [they] made this episode." I have played the first God of War for the PS2, as well as Ghost of Sparta for the PSP, and I watched the ending of God of War III, so I relate a lot to this episode.

Stone Tablet: In ancient times, Zeus was a real asshole and shit was crazy... Check this out!

I know it's weird, but this is somewhere in my Top 5 favorite Dick Figures lines of all time. Similar to the aliens in "Planet Asshole", this is another example of Sophisticated as Hell, combining "In ancient times..." and swear words.

I use this line for literally EVERY instance of anyone I perceive to be a jerk, whether or not they're from ancient times. Of course, being from at least 1 month ago is a bonus (although that's usually not considered "ancient" speaking strictly).

This includes but is not limited to 

"Man, Zeus is an asshole. I could be a way bigger asshole than him." "Can't argue with that."

I've never been in an "asshole competition" since being a jerk is not natural to me--I often default to being either respectful or emotionless.

But I can imagine how I would be a "way bigger asshole" than others. As someone who acts like a journalist, I weaponize the 5 Ws and 1 H to rub how weak someone's argument is in their face because they often can't make a proper explanation besides either a stutter, changing the topic, or a lazy "Nothing." Don't get me started with my martial arts skills.

Raccoon (quoting Marcus Aurelius): What we do in rife echoes in eternity.

This scene is interesting because, despite the mostly Greek theme of the episode, this fight is in a Colosseum-style arena and the Raccoon is a ninja and samurai, not a Roman legionnaire or Spartan.

This was made long before even Honkai Impact 3rd existed, but I can't help but relate this quote to Inazuma just because its god pursues eternity. I could see the Raccoon being a member of the Tenryou Commission.

"Wait, wait. I have to shit." "So does that mean we win?" "Yeah, yeah, fine." "Nice."

Mom didn't like it when I told her "I have to shit" consecutive times. I found it amusing when I heard it for the first time because I always heard "shit" as an adjective, expression, or noun, not a verb.

And, of course, when I say "yes" to an order unenthusiastically, I say "Yeah, yeah, fine."

"We don't need this." *throws Anti-Medusa Goggles* "Wait, wait, we might need that!" "Sa, sa sa sssaaa!" "Fuck!" *punches Red but hurts his hand*

This really offends me now mainly because I'm a tactician and thief. For the sake of argument, I'll assume the UI and sounds from The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time can't be seen or heard, respectively, by Red and Blue.

I admit that I have a habit of hoarding things--not just treasure, but also mundane things like paper. I never know when I'll draw or write on it, after all. I'm a Boy Scout wannabe with an ISTP-T personality, so I like using anything I can to accomplish a goal.

This is also why I almost always carry a sling bag. In addition to the usual IDs, money, and phone, I also bring pens, a pencil, mosquito repellent, alcohol, and bandages. And I still have space to spare.

But in a more figurative sense, I admit that I expect my team to stick to a plan after we agree upon it. That said, it won't hurt to have a backup plan...

Also, the "Sa, sa sa sssaaa!" sounds kinda like Pokémon speak.

"Bewarrre, adventurerrr! I'm Medusssa! Look into my eye, and you shall be turned into stone...rs!" (Both Red and Blue) "Never! Get her! Ahhh... Fuck it..."

"Never! Get her! Ahhh... Fuck it..." is my attitude towards studying. In other words, I want to finish studying, but I hate it, so I do it half-heartedly...and with low effort.

I only understood the "stone...rs!" part now as an adult, especially with Yoimiya being called a "stoner" for using Naku Weed to ascend.

Red: Flippin' over cups, gettin' drunk on Mount Olympus
Wasted out my mind, think someone will have to drive us
Beer is tastin' warm, but my shades are lookin' cool
And I wake up in the morning in a hurl of mah drool, yeah! Ha ha!

This is probably my equivalent of a national anthem for drinking water. After all, getting drunk on Mount Olympus is as rare an opportunity as it is thrilling, especially since Red and Blue were trying to out-drink the ruler of Olympus. The difference is I'd still drive myself because water doesn't make me drunk--just energized.

#27: Chug-a-Chug-a-Brew-Brew

Red: One more bar! One more bar! One more bar!

While this is (spoiler alert) by no means the end of Red's drinking, I use it differently: when I have one last painfully boring task to do before something exciting.

Or maybe when I've met a certain goal but I want to go the extra mile.

"Yo, give me some sarsaparilla!" *quickly gulps down the jigger* "That was nothing. Gimme another." "Whoa there, city slicker, don't you wan' take it easy?" "Don't you want to take my money?" "Riiight!" *splashes a stack of sarsaparilla jiggers almost instantly into his mouth* "Fuuuck, I don't feel a thing! What kind of weaksauce fire-water is this?" "Sarsaparilla is root beer." "Root beer!?" *pulls out guns* "How dare you serve me non-alcoholic drinks!?"

Fun fact: This was my first time hearing the word "sarsaparilla", so I misspelled it in my head as "sasperilla" based on the pronunciation. I verified it when I was younger and, yes, it's root beer and non-alcoholic. The name "sarsaparilla" really got me the first time--I assumed it was alcoholic and that Red just had an incredibly high alcohol tolerance similar to Venti (besides Episode 2 where it's unknown how much alcohol he drank).

I can't remember the last time I used "Fuuuck, I don't feel a thing!" Hmmm, maybe I should use it when someone punches me and it barely hurts.

Or maybe when someone has weak counters to my arguments.

"No...no alcohol?" "'Fraid not. See, there's a train making a delivery shortly. Should be more in a couple minutes." "A couple of minutes!?" (Timeskip to Red and Blue robbing the alcohol train) "We're robbin' that fuckin' train!" "Come on, dude, I'm so tired! Please!" "Alcohol breakfast!"

Red is so impatient that he'd rather get what he wants immediately through...questionable methods.

Why Blue didn't go off on his own is strange to me, though. Poor guy had to sit through all of Red's antics.

When I "go nuclear", I also imagine I'm "robbin' that fuckin' train". For example, if I try to fix a PC and nothing works, I reinstall the OS. If I'm raging in real life, I work extra long or KILL EVERY LAST ONE OF THEM!

"Alcohol breakfast!" is ridiculously funny for me. Alcohol is a drink and I associate breakfast with food, but Red literally having alcohol for breakfast is insane.

But it's only while writing this that I realized he also ate grenades and firecrackers for breakfast.

"Hot damn, we hit the motherload!" *Red and Blue almost get shot* "Banditos!" "Those guys are even drunker than I am." "Not drunker than me!"

"Bandito" is actually Italian, but I think Red calling them something close to "bandidos" (Spanish for "bandits") made them sound cooler like I'm watching a Mexican crime film. Ed Skudder said after all that the things in the world Ed and Zack love are "making Dick Figures, Mexican food, and counting."

When I think I'm about to get something super good but I have to deal with bad stuff first, I should also call the bad stuff "bandidos".

Most people get surprised when I tell them I'm addicted to water, so I think to myself, "Not drunker than me!"

"Let's get out of here!" "What are you doing?" "Sake bomb!" "Should we jump off?" "Naaah." *train engine explodes* "Cool." *train cars slow to a stop* "If you're happy and you know it, suck my dick!" "Now, can we go home and sleep?" "Are you kidding me? We got all this alcohol! It's time to party!"

I feel strangely thrilled when I exit a "crime scene", such as when I steal something from my parents or infiltrate a real-life restricted area. Heck, I was so bad at Minecraft Annihilation that I felt the same thrill.

Getting out with an explosion just makes things more fun. It's like you really rubbed it in the face of a video game dungeon...if the dungeon had feelings.

Why did that one bandit say "Naaah." to jumping off the train, though? Either way, I imagine that line for those who risk their lives for idiotic reasons.

I would never say "suck my dick" out loud, but I love how amusing this victory line is, especially with the train slowing to a stop.

And no one can say no to my victory celebrations.

#28: Brain Switch

In this section, unless otherwise specified, lines in blue are said by Red in Blue's body and vice versa.

"Oh my God, my interview!" "I just pooped in your pants!" "You can't fuck this up!" "Don't worry! I'm Blue--it'll be fine!" *whistling then gets run over by a car* "Oh, God, my body!" "I pooped again!"

I'm actually bad at impersonating people. For example, Mom and Dad sometimes told me to send messages for them using their accounts, but I don't memorize how they write since I'm used to my mostly grammatically correct style.

But I still feel like Blue even now. I'm probably the only sane kid among the knuckleheaded and hedonistic teens and young adults out there...aside from my university classmates, of course.

Anyway, I tell myself, "I'm Blue--it'll be fine!" as a form of self-motivation. I got the knowledge of a wizard and the calmness of a monk. It'll be alright.

Those who pretend to be normal but are actually insane? Those are the ones who get hit by passing cars.

"So, what are your interpretations of the last quarter's stock returns?" (Red's brain) "Thinking... Say something clever! We're undervaluating our...fiscal...stock remainders. Yeah! Let's go for it! Those are words." (Red in the interview) "Battle trash chedda wheels!" (Red's brain) "Ugh... Terrible! I'm getting this amnesia. Who's giving who amnesia!?" "Interesting, interesting, yeah... Are you retarded?" (Timeskip) "I...uh, didn't get the job." "WHAT!? You asshole! I told you not to fuck this up!" "The guy was a jerk anyway." "That's it! I'm gonna ruin your life...and your body!" "Good! I'm gonna ruin yours!"

"Thinking... Say something clever!" is literally me (and probably many other people) when I struggle to figure out what to say. Luckily, most of my conversations these days are typed, so I have a little more time to carefully think about what I want to say. After all, they say wise people take their time.

"Battle trash chedda wheels!" is what I imagine idiots to say even after I think I made something clear. Oh well. My unique teaching style doesn't work for everyone.

Once Red and Blue start ruining each other's bodies, they basically do the things they do as their normal selves: Blue reads books and eats healthy food in Red's body while Red drinks and does dangerous things in Blue's body.

I would love to "ruin" someone's body in a healthy way too. The challenge is to deal with whatever physical difficulties the person may have, though... I once did a roleplay where, when one of my Genshin friends swapped bodies with me, she had no problem doing my everyday store work because of my strong body, which is what she would struggle with otherwise.

(Blue gets his brain back) "Everything hurts! What did you do to my body? Why is there so much poop in my pants?" (Raccoon's voice in Red's body) "Watto da fakku jast happand?" (Girl) "So fluffy!" (Red's voice in Raccoon's body) "I think I'm turning Japanese, I think I'm turning Japanese, I really think s--" (Episode end)

"Everything hurts!" is basically the feeling of...someone I know that I can't tell.

It's interesting that Blue's body only felt pain AFTER Blue went back in it. Does Red's brain have much less sensitive pain receptors than Blue's brain? (Red felt pain while bleeding in Episode 33 "Taco Tuesday".)

(Man, I know too much. A gamer and martial artist suddenly talking about the nervous system...)

"I think I'm turning Japanese" is easy--it's for people who think they speak Japanese because they watch anime.

But I also feel the same way...for a different reason. I'm trying to learn Japanese politeness, mainly with Kamisato Ayaka as a role model. When I'm dedicated to something, I adopt a "never quit" attitude.

#29: Pleasure Cruise

"HMS Tragedy!? We should have known!" "We should have known!"

Moral lesson: Always pay attention.

"Dude, you wanna get a hotdog?" "What? WHAT? How the hell are we gonna get a hotdog? Look where we are! We're in the middle of the goddamn oc--Oh, wait."

This is a huge troll. I really thought Red was insane, especially given the HMS Tragedy is a luxury cruise ship that sank all the way into the water, not partially. The currents dragging Red and Blue weren't particularly strong either. And you'd think the ship would stay far away from land for safety until it gets close to its desired harbor.

But they found a hotdog stand anyway. Another happy ending!

Instead of the typical Dick Figures outro jingle, it played the Pina Colada song. It somehow feels more nostalgic than Dick Figures itself, but I don't know why. Is it because it sounds like songs I listened to as a little kid?

#30: Kung Fu Winners

I actually put this episode high up on my bucket list as a young teen--I didn't pay attention to the episode numbers. It has "kung fu" in the title and I LOVE fighting.

But I didn't watch it for some odd reason. Thank goodness I watched it last because that was the last Dick Figures episode at the time and I became impatient for Season 4 which, unlike the other seasons, had a super vague release date of "Soonish".

Mook: Chow mein at the Golden Lotus Dragon is for kung fu winners only! And since your fighting is weak like wet noodles, we shall take your girlfriend until you are worthy...

I heard Eric Bauza who voices the Golden Lotus Dragon mooks (and Lord Takagami) is the only professionally trained voice actor among the Dick Figures cast. He does these characters SO well that, even though this one is a mook, his voice is stuck in my brain.

Eric Bauza for Fire Emblem Heroes or Genshin Impact, anyone?

I'm much weaker to the cold than my family members, so when I get out of the shower at night, I play the "wet noodles" part in my head. Extra points when I'm about to teach an unenthusiastic beginner student.

"Out of my way! I'm getting chow mein!" "Only kung fu winners may pass and feast upon our super yummy chow mein!" "Yeah, right! You'd best move your butts before they get kicked by my kung fu!"

Red is awesomely brave and direct, but he gave the mooks a chance to step aside. Good on you, buddy.

But they didn't step aside, hence a fight scene that my teen self LOVED.

Still, again with being Sophisticated as Hell. I love how Eric Bauza changed from an imposing voice to a voice as if he was enjoying something delicious.

Season 2 - Dick Figures Nostalgia

#11: Zombies & Shotguns

"Get a chainsaw!" "Good idea!" *Vroom!* "Whooo!" "No! For the zombies, you retard!" "Zombies? What zombies?"

Man, Red and his Skewed Priorities. MaulMart is under attack by a horde of zombies growling all over the place and all he cares about is trying to open a bag of chips. Heck, at the start of the episode, he bought a shotgun just for opening the bag of chips.

He did accidentally kill the zombies approaching him while raising the chainsaw up in an arc before cutting the bag of chips again.

I like to imagine this line for people who don't seem to care about important matters, especially ones that are blatantly obvious and must be addressed immediately.

Blue: *shoots flammable perfume bottle, incinerating all the zombies* Fuck yeah.

I don't know if Zack Keller is a professionally trained voice actor--I know he's an animator and sound designer first and foremost--but the way he delivered this line was just amazing. It had a badass and manly feel to it.

He uses his normal voice to voice Blue, by the way.

#12: Camp Anarchy

Red: *gasps at two trees' branches making contact* You slut!

I don't fully understand this joke, but are the tree branches "kissing"? I expected something more sexual than that.

Basically, I say this in my head when I see a girl who is scantily clad and/or uses seductive language.

"Alright, let's see what's on the schedule. Fishing, bird-watching, woodcar--" *swats clipboard* "Hey!" "We don't need rules! Camp Anarchy!!!"

When I'm enthusiastic about something, I'm more likely to follow its rules.

My biggest challenge is getting others like friends or especially teammates and a love interest to also follow the rules, even just a little bit. Most teens, I think, aren't keen on following the orders of someone who isn't a parent or teacher.

Actually, that reminds me: I know it's what a Manipulative Bastard would do, but I'm gonna continue my original plan to use a love interest's parents to get close to her... After all, people with Asperger's syndrome are exceptional at talking to those who are much older than them.

*Distant TNT explosion* "Whooo! Now that's a fiyaaah!"

I haven't played this line in my brain in a long time, but I love the sound of it combined with the exaggeration.

I gotta drill this line into my head so that, when I do something amazing, I can play this line.

#13: Butt Genie

Lord Tourettes: "I think I'll wish for...a pink, sparkly...DONKEY SHIT ON MY FACE!" *falling shadow* "Oh no..."

I honestly admit that I'm not good at making decisions in the heat of the moment...unless I'm fighting. I prefer to stay in the back and take my time to think.

(Red and the genie argue) "I wish you would shut up!" (Genie mumbles due to being unable to speak) "You idiot! If he can't speak, he can't grant any more wishes, numbnuts! You ruined our genie!" "Whatever, I got what I wanted!" "REEE--" (Episode end)

This is strange to me because the genie granted all the wishes in the episode without any movement or speech. In fiction, including Dungeons & Dragons and Harry Potter, spells are often cast with words, physical movements, an object like a wand, or even purely with the brain. From what I remember from Disney's Aladdin, the genie doesn't chant any magic words either.

Inconsistency aside, I can't stand how Red doesn't care about losing his and Blue's remaining 456 wishes. They could've practically solved all their problems with those wishes, but I guess the plot must march on--after all, things wouldn't be as interesting if Red and Blue turned the universe into literal heaven, would they?

#14: Lord Tourette's Syndrome

I feel like "Lord Tourette's Syndrome" is the full name of Lord Tourettes.

"Please, help me find it! There's a treasure as your reward!" (Red jumps into the screen) "Ha, treasure, you say? We'll find that fucking HAT!"

All you have to do is give Red the right motivation and he'll do what you want. Ez pz.

I don't easily get motivated, but usually, the promise of adventure, a vacation, or a romantic date is enough to get me to do something I don't like, like studying.

Red: *searches a stone* Nope. *searches Raccoon* No. *searches a hat factory* Nein! *CRASH*

This is one of the main reasons I love Western animation, especially Dick Figures. The exaggeration is just on point.

Obviously, I would also think of this when looking for something. Not just a solid object like a hat, but also maybe some resource material from the Internet...or information about someone I'm stalking.

"Ah, you see kids? Miracles do happen if you believe in yourself. Merry Christmas, everyone!" "What? It's the middle of sum--" (Episode end)

This episode was released on June 3, 2011, which was summer in the United States.

Filipinos are notorious for celebrating Christmas very early--usually starting September 1, though I've seen at least one case of celebrating Christmas in June.

#15: Fang Angels

"Fang Angels" appears to be a romance show.

"Oh my God... This is the best part..." *monotonously* "Oh, man, I know. 'Fang Angels' is sooo good."

I honestly believe in the stereotype that men dislike romance movies--I've had many male students of different ages who seem indifferent to romantic topics and, if given the option, would choose the hypothetical action movie 98% of the time over the romance movie. When my dad is watching TV and Mom isn't around, he's watching either the news, a military action movie, or a military documentary.

However, I'm a major exception--I've watched The Kissing Booth which I think is aimed towards girls because of the female protagonist and the fact the original Wattpad book was written by a woman. I also enjoy Genshin Impact comic dubs which are mostly about ships...but I do enjoy the action ones as well.

I often pause videos and movies to talk to myself in my brain when something strikes my emotions hard. If I had an actual girlfriend to watch romance movies with, she'd probably get overwhelmed and annoyed by the frequent pauses I'd make just to bombard her with my extreme analyses. Darn wannabe scientist on copium (referring to myself).

For example, you'll hear me either acting like Sucrose in this comic dub or raging at one of the characters for their dumb romantic decisions. Choose your flavor: order or retribution? Regardless, I have an innately chivalrous nature...and hunger for fighting.

#16: Captain Red Rum & The Pina Colada Armada

I struggled to find a line that really resonates with me here, but I figured I should get at least one per episode.

"Arrr, matey! Once we find ourselves a real-life mermaid, we'll be rich and famous! And handsome!" "And...how are we supposed to find one?" (Red picks up a fishing rod with worm bait) "Really?" (Red casts the line) "Yarrr. And now we wait."

The only reason I chose this line is Genshin Impact--False Worm Bait is one of the baits in the game and is used to catch angelfish, including the Raimei Angelfish which are found in electrified water guarded by Large Cryo Slimes and an Electro Abyss Mage. These fish are required to get "The Catch", one of the best free polearms for characters who support with their Elemental Bursts like the Raiden Shogun and Xiangling.

The "mermaid" (i.e. Lord Tourettes) is eventually caught at the end of the episode. However, I would like to see how Red would react if the mermaid took much longer to catch (due to a timeskip).

Some people have told me that I'm "really patient" after I bragged about my Genshin Impact grinding. Heck, I've waited for Hytale since a few days after its trailer came out and I'm still hyped.

#17: Y U So Meme?

Oh, man, I freakin' love this episode. Unlike episode #3 "Flame War" where Flame War was a scrolling shooter, this Flame War is a Call of Duty-like game. I rarely play Call of Duty, but this episode really helped me get to know a lot of memes thanks to Trollz0r, a pro gamer who can change his face into many memes.

Scoreboard

Unsurprisingly, Trollz0r has 1490 points, 25 kills, and 0 deaths. He only had 3 teabags, though, which I can understand because he plays the game seriously...and we don't know if a teabag in Flame War has some kind of in-game benefit besides bragging rights.

Red has 1 kill, 5 deaths, and 999 teabags. He was raging in the game and he paid too much attention to teabagging, so I'm not surprised he was killed many times. His score is just 3, so I don't think teabagging had any effect.

Blue has -50 kills for some reason. I don't know any actual video game so far which gives the player negative kills.

His ping is also different from Red's ping despite playing with the same TV and console.

There seems to be no order in the rankings. Pink got 34 points but she's in last place, even though when sorting by score, she would be in 3rd place. She has 0 deaths, though, so she managed to outplay Trollz0r in a way, even just a little bit. That's awesome.

The total kills and deaths in the game don't make much sense either. Not counting Blue's -50 kills, there were 47 kills and 30 deaths.

It's not explained if there was a 9th player who died a lot then left the game.

This episode was released on July 15, 2011, when Modern Warfare 2 (2009) and Black Ops (2010) were the latest Call of Duty games. Can someone tell me the maximum number of players in those games?

"I'm gonna find this guy, put my boot up his ass!" "You're not even wearing boots." "Right up his ass." "It's just a game, man!" "Ass!"

Man, Red and his occasional single-minded determination.

I do get an occasional urge to find someone online who I think is an idiot and beat them up.

But at the same time, I play "It's just a game, man!" in Blue's voice in my head as copium.

"Ugh, can't you use your nerd powers to find him?" "I told you, I prefer to be called a hacker."

In this scene, Red and Blue are trying to track down Trollz0r's physical location. Blue doesn't look to me like the kind of guy who would cheat in a video game.

I'm not entirely sure about how common the "nerd" insult was outside of some older media at the time like Diary of a Wimpy Kid because I didn't talk to a lot of people and I mostly just played Facebook games like Pet Society than hang out in Internet forums, so maybe during this time, "nerd" was still considered an insult.

These days, I usually consider "nerd" a compliment. While no one has explicitly called me a "nerd", some have been surprised by my unusually high intelligence.

Then again, I would be most flattered if I were called "LunaticTactician-sensei".

"Were you the one camping up there in the bell tower?" (Trollz0r changes to Trollface) "Maybeh." "YOU WIN! FLAME WARS!"

Yes, although the game said "FLAME WAR!" on the screen, the voice added an /s/ sound.

Pronouncing the e in "maybe" like /e/ (as in the Japanese え) instead of the normal /ee/ made it feel extra trolly for me.

Red: Fuck this. *poops on pillow* (gasp) You're right! That is the answer! Thanks, poster! (calls someone) Hey, you're at home, right? I have a mission for you.

The poster read:

VENGEANCE

A dish best served awesomely.

That is EXACTLY how I feel about Eula as a whole, as well as Zhongli's Elemental Burst lines like "I will have order!"

Ending Song:
Raindrops keep falling on my Red
Gonna light some shit on fire
Gonna fuck up our apartment
Gonna take it up on his pillow

Note that I couldn't clearly hear all the lyrics, the Dick Figures Wiki doesn't seem to have them, and Spotify lacks lyrics. This is my wild guess.

I consider myself a Pyro character based on my intense singular passion for video games as well as my anger issues and desire to hit something while angry whether it's my punching bag or some video game enemies.

As such, I STRONGLY relate to the second line. This song is done with just an acoustic guitar giving it a chill feel but these lyrics are the opposite of chill. Human poop contains methane, a flammable substance. I can't think of a good reason to literally light shit on fire; like most people, I think only scientists or a crazy person would do this.
In Genshin Impact, I go on killing rampages mainly against Fungi and Nobushi when I'm angry. I think it's very rare to find someone killing enemies for reasons other than farming their materials. Grand Theft Auto is where mass murder is more likely to happen.

#18: Sex Marks The Spot

Blue starts off this episode desperately needing to use the toilet while Red is using it. Red said that he thinks he broke the toilet, so Blue comes in to investigate and ask Red what he ate.

*plunges toilet extra hard, splashing Blue's face* "Agh! Oh, God, it's all over me!" "Whoa, I don't remember eating that." "Ugh, poop- and pee-water..."

Good thing the poop- and pee-water was turquoise. If it was yellow or brown, I would be more disgusted.

I've made some things--mostly soap bars, but also a few cellphones--fall into the toilet, with most of those times involving pee-water. That's why, now, I always close the toilet when I bathe.

*Red picks up the treasure chest* "Woohoo, hot tamales!" "What is it?" "Porn!" "What? All this to hide your porn? Haven't you heard of the Internet?" "Psssh. They don't got the weird stuff."

The "weird porn" is a magazine with an elegantly dressed woman. Interestingly, this one is NOT a stick figure like the other Dick Figures human characters. I'm not entirely sure how this is "porn", but it certainly is weird considering old-timey beauty is not so popular these days. (I still appreciate princess-like beauty, hence why I like, for example, the Yamato Nadeshiko trope.)

*Blue sits on the toilet* "Oh, thank God. Ahhh..." (Red is watching Blue poop) "Dude, I can't go when you're watching." (Red continues to watch) "Come on, man! I'm gonna explode!" "You're right, I'm sorry. Have a nice poop!" "Ah, thank you, Jesu--" "Just kidding!" (explosive fart) "AAAHHHH!!!" (Episode end)

I think I've never had this experience before, but I have had explosive diarrhea before after an ER doctor literally kancho'd a super-strong laxative into my butt while I was dangerously constipated, so the explosive fart reminded me of this horrifying experience.

Still, it's probably basic biology that I can't explain any further beyond the whole "naked Adam and Eve" thing in the book of Genesis, but I would be terrified to see someone watch me poop. Heck, I get nervous when our cat, Juba, tries to get into the bathroom. (We released her mother Proofer into the wild.)

I'm surprised that we didn't see any poop in the scene. You'd think the room or at least the toilet would be stained with inaccurately aimed poop, but nope, the whole scene was clean.

#19: We're Cops!

"Uh, uh, there's a...bank robbery...happening right now." "There's a bank robbery!?" "Yeah, a huge one! We're headed there right now, radio man! Whoo!" "Dude, where are you going?" "Didn't you hear? There's a bank robbery!" "What? No, there's not!" "Protect and serve, mothafu--"

Disclaimer: I am not a police officer.

I'm surprised the comms officer didn't find Red's stuttering and casual lingo suspicious. Based on Clear Speech communication, Red should've probably said something like a "10-31 B"...but, oh well, he stole the cop car.

I can't remember the last time I played this in my brain, but I guess I might use it in a situation where people believe their own obviously outrageous lies to be true.

At least Red was actually half-right. While, grammar-wise, it's wrong because of the present tense, there was a bank robbery in the next scene...with Red and Blue being the bank robbers.

(Here we go again with my English teaching background creeping into everything I do...)

#20: Bath Rhymes

When I was an early teen, I mostly listened to this song on repeat without paying attention to most of the lyrics or the animation. As such, I'm really thankful that the sexual themes didn't get stuck into my much more immature brain. I associate most of these lyrics instead with either their respective melodies or life events.

"Shorty, make that booty clap
Put that butt into my lap
Cruisin' down these ghetto streets
Jammin' to my dubstep beats"

The first two lines combined with the bass drum beat felt like an energetic awakening to me. (And I'm not talking at all about my penis.) I just wanna get out there and RUN!

I didn't know what the word "ghetto" was as a teen, so I associated it with something positive. Heck, I didn't even know the spelling!

Then I learned that a ghetto is a poor part of a city. It didn't destroy my love for these lyrics, but outside of "Bath Rhymes", I now get suspicious when I hear this word because I associate it with left-wing governments.

The main reason I loved "Cruisin' down these ghetto streets" so much is I just really like adventure, man! (Blame Pokémon for that. lololol)

I also didn't know what "dubstep" was, but at least I had a small context clue thanks to the "jammin'" word that dubstep is a kind of music.

But hey, I also habitually listen to music (usually from video games) when I travel. It goes way back to my childhood when I hummed Pokémon music until a family member (can't remember who) pointed it out and I did it less often out of respect.

"And Dingleberry says to me..." "Shut the fuck up!"

When I was a young teen, this was unusually high-pitched for me since I was familiar with most of Mr. Dingleberry's other lines. (Thankfully, it did not reach painful levels.)

I think this was my default way of strongly disagreeing with someone in my brain when I was younger. Now, instead, I imagine it with a gruffer voice and with pauses like this: "Shut...the fuck...up!" (Self-reminder: Record this in the daytime 'cause Mom and Dad are asleep.)

Raccoon: "Now make that...ass...crap!"

Note that it's supposed to be "make that ass clap". Ed Skudder, the voice of the Raccoon, tries to do a Japanese accent throughout the series but only changes L to R and often does not add vowels to the end of consonants. The Raccoon is a former samurai, hence the Japanese tropes.

Most of "Bath Rhymes"'s animation was provided by fans rather than Six Point Harness, the animation studio behind Dick Figures. I love this part in particular because of the Raccoon's motion which really emphasized Ed Skudder's gruff "Japanese" voice.

"All the ladies like my movement and my talented voice
And if I wasn't your roomie, I'd complain 'bout the noise"

First off, yes, Ed Skudder has an amazing voice. As Red, he's confident, dashing, and sometimes gruff. I think he forms part of my inspiration for the energetic part of my voice acting alongside Bennett from Genshin Impact.

I'm not entirely sure why I liked these lyrics. I suppose all I can say is I was a hopeless romantic even way back when I was in 1st grade.

Hmmm, that reminds me. Does my 1st-grade crush have a Facebook account? I need to apologize for the weird stuff I did back in 1st grade...

Blue's line was actually animated by Six Point Harness, interestingly. I only found out later on from some official behind-the-scenes content...but I can't remember where. (Note that I didn't support Dick Figures The Movie's Kickstarter campaign.)

"This raccoon is poppin' bottles
Blue is droppin' the beat
I need the Heimlich right away
I think I swallowed a bee"

Lyrics-wise, I only paid attention to "I think I swallowed a bee" because of the direct reference to Episode 1.

The melody ramp-up and the drum beats really hit me hard on this part. It felt to me like the coming of a legend...though, realistically, it was more of an imaginary opportunity to go on an adventure with a potential love interest.