Season 2 - Dick Figures Nostalgia

#11: Zombies & Shotguns

"Get a chainsaw!" "Good idea!" *Vroom!* "Whooo!" "No! For the zombies, you retard!" "Zombies? What zombies?"

Man, Red and his Skewed Priorities. MaulMart is under attack by a horde of zombies growling all over the place and all he cares about is trying to open a bag of chips. Heck, at the start of the episode, he bought a shotgun just for opening the bag of chips.

He did accidentally kill the zombies approaching him while raising the chainsaw up in an arc before cutting the bag of chips again.

I like to imagine this line for people who don't seem to care about important matters, especially ones that are blatantly obvious and must be addressed immediately.

Blue: *shoots flammable perfume bottle, incinerating all the zombies* Fuck yeah.

I don't know if Zack Keller is a professionally trained voice actor--I know he's an animator and sound designer first and foremost--but the way he delivered this line was just amazing. It had a badass and manly feel to it.

He uses his normal voice to voice Blue, by the way.

#12: Camp Anarchy

Red: *gasps at two trees' branches making contact* You slut!

I don't fully understand this joke, but are the tree branches "kissing"? I expected something more sexual than that.

Basically, I say this in my head when I see a girl who is scantily clad and/or uses seductive language.

"Alright, let's see what's on the schedule. Fishing, bird-watching, woodcar--" *swats clipboard* "Hey!" "We don't need rules! Camp Anarchy!!!"

When I'm enthusiastic about something, I'm more likely to follow its rules.

My biggest challenge is getting others like friends or especially teammates and a love interest to also follow the rules, even just a little bit. Most teens, I think, aren't keen on following the orders of someone who isn't a parent or teacher.

Actually, that reminds me: I know it's what a Manipulative Bastard would do, but I'm gonna continue my original plan to use a love interest's parents to get close to her... After all, people with Asperger's syndrome are exceptional at talking to those who are much older than them.

*Distant TNT explosion* "Whooo! Now that's a fiyaaah!"

I haven't played this line in my brain in a long time, but I love the sound of it combined with the exaggeration.

I gotta drill this line into my head so that, when I do something amazing, I can play this line.

#13: Butt Genie

Lord Tourettes: "I think I'll wish for...a pink, sparkly...DONKEY SHIT ON MY FACE!" *falling shadow* "Oh no..."

I honestly admit that I'm not good at making decisions in the heat of the moment...unless I'm fighting. I prefer to stay in the back and take my time to think.

(Red and the genie argue) "I wish you would shut up!" (Genie mumbles due to being unable to speak) "You idiot! If he can't speak, he can't grant any more wishes, numbnuts! You ruined our genie!" "Whatever, I got what I wanted!" "REEE--" (Episode end)

This is strange to me because the genie granted all the wishes in the episode without any movement or speech. In fiction, including Dungeons & Dragons and Harry Potter, spells are often cast with words, physical movements, an object like a wand, or even purely with the brain. From what I remember from Disney's Aladdin, the genie doesn't chant any magic words either.

Inconsistency aside, I can't stand how Red doesn't care about losing his and Blue's remaining 456 wishes. They could've practically solved all their problems with those wishes, but I guess the plot must march on--after all, things wouldn't be as interesting if Red and Blue turned the universe into literal heaven, would they?

#14: Lord Tourette's Syndrome

I feel like "Lord Tourette's Syndrome" is the full name of Lord Tourettes.

"Please, help me find it! There's a treasure as your reward!" (Red jumps into the screen) "Ha, treasure, you say? We'll find that fucking HAT!"

All you have to do is give Red the right motivation and he'll do what you want. Ez pz.

I don't easily get motivated, but usually, the promise of adventure, a vacation, or a romantic date is enough to get me to do something I don't like, like studying.

Red: *searches a stone* Nope. *searches Raccoon* No. *searches a hat factory* Nein! *CRASH*

This is one of the main reasons I love Western animation, especially Dick Figures. The exaggeration is just on point.

Obviously, I would also think of this when looking for something. Not just a solid object like a hat, but also maybe some resource material from the Internet...or information about someone I'm stalking.

"Ah, you see kids? Miracles do happen if you believe in yourself. Merry Christmas, everyone!" "What? It's the middle of sum--" (Episode end)

This episode was released on June 3, 2011, which was summer in the United States.

Filipinos are notorious for celebrating Christmas very early--usually starting September 1, though I've seen at least one case of celebrating Christmas in June.

#15: Fang Angels

"Fang Angels" appears to be a romance show.

"Oh my God... This is the best part..." *monotonously* "Oh, man, I know. 'Fang Angels' is sooo good."

I honestly believe in the stereotype that men dislike romance movies--I've had many male students of different ages who seem indifferent to romantic topics and, if given the option, would choose the hypothetical action movie 98% of the time over the romance movie. When my dad is watching TV and Mom isn't around, he's watching either the news, a military action movie, or a military documentary.

However, I'm a major exception--I've watched The Kissing Booth which I think is aimed towards girls because of the female protagonist and the fact the original Wattpad book was written by a woman. I also enjoy Genshin Impact comic dubs which are mostly about ships...but I do enjoy the action ones as well.

I often pause videos and movies to talk to myself in my brain when something strikes my emotions hard. If I had an actual girlfriend to watch romance movies with, she'd probably get overwhelmed and annoyed by the frequent pauses I'd make just to bombard her with my extreme analyses. Darn wannabe scientist on copium (referring to myself).

For example, you'll hear me either acting like Sucrose in this comic dub or raging at one of the characters for their dumb romantic decisions. Choose your flavor: order or retribution? Regardless, I have an innately chivalrous nature...and hunger for fighting.

#16: Captain Red Rum & The Pina Colada Armada

I struggled to find a line that really resonates with me here, but I figured I should get at least one per episode.

"Arrr, matey! Once we find ourselves a real-life mermaid, we'll be rich and famous! And handsome!" "And...how are we supposed to find one?" (Red picks up a fishing rod with worm bait) "Really?" (Red casts the line) "Yarrr. And now we wait."

The only reason I chose this line is Genshin Impact--False Worm Bait is one of the baits in the game and is used to catch angelfish, including the Raimei Angelfish which are found in electrified water guarded by Large Cryo Slimes and an Electro Abyss Mage. These fish are required to get "The Catch", one of the best free polearms for characters who support with their Elemental Bursts like the Raiden Shogun and Xiangling.

The "mermaid" (i.e. Lord Tourettes) is eventually caught at the end of the episode. However, I would like to see how Red would react if the mermaid took much longer to catch (due to a timeskip).

Some people have told me that I'm "really patient" after I bragged about my Genshin Impact grinding. Heck, I've waited for Hytale since a few days after its trailer came out and I'm still hyped.

#17: Y U So Meme?

Oh, man, I freakin' love this episode. Unlike episode #3 "Flame War" where Flame War was a scrolling shooter, this Flame War is a Call of Duty-like game. I rarely play Call of Duty, but this episode really helped me get to know a lot of memes thanks to Trollz0r, a pro gamer who can change his face into many memes.

Scoreboard

Unsurprisingly, Trollz0r has 1490 points, 25 kills, and 0 deaths. He only had 3 teabags, though, which I can understand because he plays the game seriously...and we don't know if a teabag in Flame War has some kind of in-game benefit besides bragging rights.

Red has 1 kill, 5 deaths, and 999 teabags. He was raging in the game and he paid too much attention to teabagging, so I'm not surprised he was killed many times. His score is just 3, so I don't think teabagging had any effect.

Blue has -50 kills for some reason. I don't know any actual video game so far which gives the player negative kills.

His ping is also different from Red's ping despite playing with the same TV and console.

There seems to be no order in the rankings. Pink got 34 points but she's in last place, even though when sorting by score, she would be in 3rd place. She has 0 deaths, though, so she managed to outplay Trollz0r in a way, even just a little bit. That's awesome.

The total kills and deaths in the game don't make much sense either. Not counting Blue's -50 kills, there were 47 kills and 30 deaths.

It's not explained if there was a 9th player who died a lot then left the game.

This episode was released on July 15, 2011, when Modern Warfare 2 (2009) and Black Ops (2010) were the latest Call of Duty games. Can someone tell me the maximum number of players in those games?

"I'm gonna find this guy, put my boot up his ass!" "You're not even wearing boots." "Right up his ass." "It's just a game, man!" "Ass!"

Man, Red and his occasional single-minded determination.

I do get an occasional urge to find someone online who I think is an idiot and beat them up.

But at the same time, I play "It's just a game, man!" in Blue's voice in my head as copium.

"Ugh, can't you use your nerd powers to find him?" "I told you, I prefer to be called a hacker."

In this scene, Red and Blue are trying to track down Trollz0r's physical location. Blue doesn't look to me like the kind of guy who would cheat in a video game.

I'm not entirely sure about how common the "nerd" insult was outside of some older media at the time like Diary of a Wimpy Kid because I didn't talk to a lot of people and I mostly just played Facebook games like Pet Society than hang out in Internet forums, so maybe during this time, "nerd" was still considered an insult.

These days, I usually consider "nerd" a compliment. While no one has explicitly called me a "nerd", some have been surprised by my unusually high intelligence.

Then again, I would be most flattered if I were called "LunaticTactician-sensei".

"Were you the one camping up there in the bell tower?" (Trollz0r changes to Trollface) "Maybeh." "YOU WIN! FLAME WARS!"

Yes, although the game said "FLAME WAR!" on the screen, the voice added an /s/ sound.

Pronouncing the e in "maybe" like /e/ (as in the Japanese え) instead of the normal /ee/ made it feel extra trolly for me.

Red: Fuck this. *poops on pillow* (gasp) You're right! That is the answer! Thanks, poster! (calls someone) Hey, you're at home, right? I have a mission for you.

The poster read:

VENGEANCE

A dish best served awesomely.

That is EXACTLY how I feel about Eula as a whole, as well as Zhongli's Elemental Burst lines like "I will have order!"

Ending Song:
Raindrops keep falling on my Red
Gonna light some shit on fire
Gonna fuck up our apartment
Gonna take it up on his pillow

Note that I couldn't clearly hear all the lyrics, the Dick Figures Wiki doesn't seem to have them, and Spotify lacks lyrics. This is my wild guess.

I consider myself a Pyro character based on my intense singular passion for video games as well as my anger issues and desire to hit something while angry whether it's my punching bag or some video game enemies.

As such, I STRONGLY relate to the second line. This song is done with just an acoustic guitar giving it a chill feel but these lyrics are the opposite of chill. Human poop contains methane, a flammable substance. I can't think of a good reason to literally light shit on fire; like most people, I think only scientists or a crazy person would do this.
In Genshin Impact, I go on killing rampages mainly against Fungi and Nobushi when I'm angry. I think it's very rare to find someone killing enemies for reasons other than farming their materials. Grand Theft Auto is where mass murder is more likely to happen.

#18: Sex Marks The Spot

Blue starts off this episode desperately needing to use the toilet while Red is using it. Red said that he thinks he broke the toilet, so Blue comes in to investigate and ask Red what he ate.

*plunges toilet extra hard, splashing Blue's face* "Agh! Oh, God, it's all over me!" "Whoa, I don't remember eating that." "Ugh, poop- and pee-water..."

Good thing the poop- and pee-water was turquoise. If it was yellow or brown, I would be more disgusted.

I've made some things--mostly soap bars, but also a few cellphones--fall into the toilet, with most of those times involving pee-water. That's why, now, I always close the toilet when I bathe.

*Red picks up the treasure chest* "Woohoo, hot tamales!" "What is it?" "Porn!" "What? All this to hide your porn? Haven't you heard of the Internet?" "Psssh. They don't got the weird stuff."

The "weird porn" is a magazine with an elegantly dressed woman. Interestingly, this one is NOT a stick figure like the other Dick Figures human characters. I'm not entirely sure how this is "porn", but it certainly is weird considering old-timey beauty is not so popular these days. (I still appreciate princess-like beauty, hence why I like, for example, the Yamato Nadeshiko trope.)

*Blue sits on the toilet* "Oh, thank God. Ahhh..." (Red is watching Blue poop) "Dude, I can't go when you're watching." (Red continues to watch) "Come on, man! I'm gonna explode!" "You're right, I'm sorry. Have a nice poop!" "Ah, thank you, Jesu--" "Just kidding!" (explosive fart) "AAAHHHH!!!" (Episode end)

I think I've never had this experience before, but I have had explosive diarrhea before after an ER doctor literally kancho'd a super-strong laxative into my butt while I was dangerously constipated, so the explosive fart reminded me of this horrifying experience.

Still, it's probably basic biology that I can't explain any further beyond the whole "naked Adam and Eve" thing in the book of Genesis, but I would be terrified to see someone watch me poop. Heck, I get nervous when our cat, Juba, tries to get into the bathroom. (We released her mother Proofer into the wild.)

I'm surprised that we didn't see any poop in the scene. You'd think the room or at least the toilet would be stained with inaccurately aimed poop, but nope, the whole scene was clean.

#19: We're Cops!

"Uh, uh, there's a...bank robbery...happening right now." "There's a bank robbery!?" "Yeah, a huge one! We're headed there right now, radio man! Whoo!" "Dude, where are you going?" "Didn't you hear? There's a bank robbery!" "What? No, there's not!" "Protect and serve, mothafu--"

Disclaimer: I am not a police officer.

I'm surprised the comms officer didn't find Red's stuttering and casual lingo suspicious. Based on Clear Speech communication, Red should've probably said something like a "10-31 B"...but, oh well, he stole the cop car.

I can't remember the last time I played this in my brain, but I guess I might use it in a situation where people believe their own obviously outrageous lies to be true.

At least Red was actually half-right. While, grammar-wise, it's wrong because of the present tense, there was a bank robbery in the next scene...with Red and Blue being the bank robbers.

(Here we go again with my English teaching background creeping into everything I do...)

#20: Bath Rhymes

When I was an early teen, I mostly listened to this song on repeat without paying attention to most of the lyrics or the animation. As such, I'm really thankful that the sexual themes didn't get stuck into my much more immature brain. I associate most of these lyrics instead with either their respective melodies or life events.

"Shorty, make that booty clap
Put that butt into my lap
Cruisin' down these ghetto streets
Jammin' to my dubstep beats"

The first two lines combined with the bass drum beat felt like an energetic awakening to me. (And I'm not talking at all about my penis.) I just wanna get out there and RUN!

I didn't know what the word "ghetto" was as a teen, so I associated it with something positive. Heck, I didn't even know the spelling!

Then I learned that a ghetto is a poor part of a city. It didn't destroy my love for these lyrics, but outside of "Bath Rhymes", I now get suspicious when I hear this word because I associate it with left-wing governments.

The main reason I loved "Cruisin' down these ghetto streets" so much is I just really like adventure, man! (Blame Pokémon for that. lololol)

I also didn't know what "dubstep" was, but at least I had a small context clue thanks to the "jammin'" word that dubstep is a kind of music.

But hey, I also habitually listen to music (usually from video games) when I travel. It goes way back to my childhood when I hummed Pokémon music until a family member (can't remember who) pointed it out and I did it less often out of respect.

"And Dingleberry says to me..." "Shut the fuck up!"

When I was a young teen, this was unusually high-pitched for me since I was familiar with most of Mr. Dingleberry's other lines. (Thankfully, it did not reach painful levels.)

I think this was my default way of strongly disagreeing with someone in my brain when I was younger. Now, instead, I imagine it with a gruffer voice and with pauses like this: "Shut...the fuck...up!" (Self-reminder: Record this in the daytime 'cause Mom and Dad are asleep.)

Raccoon: "Now make that...ass...crap!"

Note that it's supposed to be "make that ass clap". Ed Skudder, the voice of the Raccoon, tries to do a Japanese accent throughout the series but only changes L to R and often does not add vowels to the end of consonants. The Raccoon is a former samurai, hence the Japanese tropes.

Most of "Bath Rhymes"'s animation was provided by fans rather than Six Point Harness, the animation studio behind Dick Figures. I love this part in particular because of the Raccoon's motion which really emphasized Ed Skudder's gruff "Japanese" voice.

"All the ladies like my movement and my talented voice
And if I wasn't your roomie, I'd complain 'bout the noise"

First off, yes, Ed Skudder has an amazing voice. As Red, he's confident, dashing, and sometimes gruff. I think he forms part of my inspiration for the energetic part of my voice acting alongside Bennett from Genshin Impact.

I'm not entirely sure why I liked these lyrics. I suppose all I can say is I was a hopeless romantic even way back when I was in 1st grade.

Hmmm, that reminds me. Does my 1st-grade crush have a Facebook account? I need to apologize for the weird stuff I did back in 1st grade...

Blue's line was actually animated by Six Point Harness, interestingly. I only found out later on from some official behind-the-scenes content...but I can't remember where. (Note that I didn't support Dick Figures The Movie's Kickstarter campaign.)

"This raccoon is poppin' bottles
Blue is droppin' the beat
I need the Heimlich right away
I think I swallowed a bee"

Lyrics-wise, I only paid attention to "I think I swallowed a bee" because of the direct reference to Episode 1.

The melody ramp-up and the drum beats really hit me hard on this part. It felt to me like the coming of a legend...though, realistically, it was more of an imaginary opportunity to go on an adventure with a potential love interest.