Originally,
this was a personal essay for fun that was to be shared only with select
friends of mine since, before writing this, I foresaw my opinions to be far too
cringey and “Manchild-ish” to be of reasonable quality.
But
I’m really thankful for my newly-made friend and UPOU classmate Alyanna
(permission to use her real name obtained). She thinks this post might help
readers get a good laugh and (I think) know how to improve themselves. Too bad
she was so entertained by my draft that she found it…too short.
In
my earlier teens, my only criteria were the vague “good looks and pleasing
personality”. Heck, in childhood, I only looked for looks ‘cause I didn’t know
how this relationship stuff works…and I ended up sending a cringey letter to a
hot-looking stranger living in my old home village. I can’t remember how she
reacted…if I even saw her react.
Ever
since I watched videos from Paul Joseph Watson and read some of Mark
Manson’s
blog posts, I’ve set much higher standards for women I attempt to romance with.
Because, as a tactician with Asperger’s syndrome and a little perfectionism, I
strive for quality over quantity of friends, and because polyamory is
disgusting, quality is everything (no, not magic—Brave
Micaiah absolutely
destroys Reinhardt in Fire
Emblem Heroes) in a romantic relationship. What good is a romantic relationship
if at least one of us is unhappy with it?
Now,
normally, I would avoid online dating like the plague because of the Greater
Internet Fuckwad Theory (G.I.F.T), but due to the Wuhan coronavirus
pandemic (fuck
you,
Chinese Communist Party, by the way) and the paranoia of world governments,
face-to-face dating (along with physical D&D games) is pretty much a crime,
probably as bad as jaywalking, if not murder. Sorry, I can’t help myself. I
mean, surely there must be at least one good woman in online dating, right? I
mean, I think I’m good, but probably not by the standards of
Alyanna who’s a Go-Getter
Girl like
my former crush and a more serious Team
Mom than
me… Eh, screw it, I’m an Arrogant
Kung-Fu Guy.
I'm not really sure whether I'm really "desperate" for a girlfriend, but I like to think I'm not. I just see it as an opportunity to have fun for myself and do a little more good things for others, but I'm perfectly fine with never being in a relationship—I'm holding up pretty well in my studies and friendly relationships anyway, I think.
I'd call myself "desperate" if I thought to myself that I can't live without a girlfriend and I'd settle for low quality standards, but those are probably taking desperation Up to Eleven.
Since
I’m lazy to use other services and it works with my unlimited mobile data plan,
I use Facebook Dating. As far as I know, it works similar to Tinder. You write
a short description of yourself, you put in basic personal details, as well as
how much you smoke or drink, if any… Eh, again, too lazy.
My Profile
Here’s
what I put in my dating profile, along with my “sword-wielding edgelord”
profile picture:
“Generally
cool-headed gamer, tactician, and realist with a
roguish side. Looking for an honest, kind, virtuous, and intelligent woman who takes
responsibility for her own life and actions.
I dislike those who are careless with money or quickly get angry over small mishaps.
(Blog link)
Love
language:
Quality Time
(Insert
some TV Tropes trope names here)”
I
chose my “sword-wielding edgelord” picture because…it was the only good picture
I had that properly exudes my personality. The dark background, my pose, and
the sword symbolize authority and toughness, though I think they’re neutralized
by my bishōnen appearance suggesting a gentler side. The blue background
represents cool-headedness. To show that I mean Serious Business, I wore my
green jacket ‘cause green is my favorite color and jackets are worn by
butt-kicking characters. I even had a green undershirt. You could probably
argue there wasn’t enough green.
My
use of the rule of thirds isn’t just for eye candy—it also signifies
intelligence. It helps me stand out from the noob-level vast majority of
photos.
Because
of my small experiences of overhearing girls’ conversations where they say they
want intelligent guys, I maintained my semi-formal way of talking to give the
impression of, well, intelligence. Hey, at least I’m honest and staying
in-character!
Okay,
fine, I’m not always cool-headed. I have random Hot-Blooded moments where I
just sound like a Large
Ham even
for mundane sentences and move at high speed in my house. But, in times of
crisis, I usually am cool-headed ‘cause being Hot-Blooded stops me from
thinking straight for some reason. I simply solve complex problems like exams
and technical problems more easily…which is why, if I get good at game
development, you should hire me to fix bugs. :p
I’m
not called LunaticTactician for nothing. I’ve written over 35 Hytale-themed
posts, many of which record my tactics and strategies. I used to lead a Minecraft team
where I did almost all the strategizing and wrote entire essays. I troll my boxing trainer, Coach G-Force, by preparing for his usual moves beforehand and countering appropriately.
Outside of battle, I'd say I'm good at advertising tactics thanks to me often acting like a Large Ham voice actor combined with my actual business experience. I can extend the skills I've learned from developing my Hytale play style and gang wars series into budget management and planning dates.
I
suppose I’m a realist because I don’t delude myself into thinking that
“everything’s going to be OK soon”. I just solve my problems head-on, no
questions asked.
Stating
my roguish side is my way of telling lawful people to stay the firetruck off
me. I see soldiers and criminology students among my potential matches, and I
don’t need them lecturing me to “follow the law”. Plus, they’ll almost always
be on a mission or training anyway so RIP quality time.
Honesty
and seeing one’s flaws are my number-one traits…considering my experiences with
my dad, younger brother, and paternal grandma who are all…arrogant hotheads with occasional
roguish motivations.
As
much as I prepare for Drill
Sergeant Nasties like Gordon Ramsay and understand their
importance in any workplace, family, or army, I don’t like having them as
friends, especially romantic partners. Like, dude, I like to learn slow and
steady and it’s not like almost everything I do has to be treated like a
battlefield! I suppose I adhere more to the traditional side of kindness…minus
the gift-giving.
As
for intelligence, I explained it in “What
I Look For in a Girl”, but in short, I like someone whose intelligence is
roughly similar to mine so that we can relate to each other’s conversation
topics without her being either a nagging
professor or
a terrible personal finance manager.
(I removed the modesty part from my description to use character spaces for more important stuff)
Non-modest
(i.e. Stripperiffic) outfits give me the
impression of a tryhard. I get that not all girls with predominantly
Stripperiffic profiles are bad, but modest outfits give me the impression of
someone who is honest with herself. I’m okay, however, with only one Stripperiffic
photo that’s not the main photo, not in a sexually provocative pose, and is
balanced out with more modest outfits in other photos.
(Okay,
maybe the jacket and sword look I’m trying too hard to look like a main
protagonist, but I have the lame argument of staying true to my gamer
personality. At least it’s better than showing a shirtless photo of myself, and
I quite frankly don’t like seeing shirtless real men. Animated shirtless men
are fine.)
Well,
that was long, but cut me some slack. Moving on…
A Review on Modern Filipino Culture...from Mostly Anecdotal Evidence
Why
do I talk about Filipino teen culture? Because I want a girl who I can
physically meet after the pandemic (I set to match with girls within 5 miles of
me ‘cause my parents don’t like driving long distances). Talking online can,
over time, feel more like talking to a robot than a real person, which is why I
don’t like dating anyone who either works abroad or is not a Filipino because,
once the girl has to move back to work or home, RIP quality time.
Also, the maximum distance I can set is 240 miles, and even with that setting, I have never gotten anyone who is obviously a foreigner.
The population of the Philippines is more than 109 million. According to Hootsuite
and We Are Social, 73
million are active social media users. That’s an absolute boatload.
Judging
from my peeks into random strangers’ Facebook sessions, they use Facebook
predominantly for chatting with friends. Their News Feeds are filled mostly
with memes, selfies, and life reactions from their friends.
Filipinos
are a very social race. We believe in the concepts of pakikisama and bayanihan.
I don’t remember what they translate to, but my wild guesses are bonding and
unity, respectively. Before the pandemic, it was common for Filipino households
to have drinking parties in their front yards or blast some karaoke. Family
matters are Serious
Business—many
of my store’s customers get our services to serve their faraway loved ones.
And, of course, we chat a LOT. Text messaging and calling are all over the
place.
Unfortunately,
some Filipinos are also lazy as heck. Some
Filipinos who are both lazy and religious leave it to divine intervention to
solve their mundane problems without actually doing their part (a religious variant of bahala na). My mom knows
one particular junk shop worker who takes weeks to respond to our requests for
no justifiable reason…and he even ran for barangay chairman.
(A barangay is kinda like a village.)
Along
with that laziness comes pooptastic grammar and spelling. Sure, I can
understand them since I’ve played competitive games with Filipino gamers, but
seeing bad writing in dating profiles makes me cringe. I guess it’s just me
treating romance as Serious Business—most people I see are only looking for "chatting", "friendship", or "something casual". (What the heck does "something casual" mean in this case?)
I
sincerely hope the trash grammar and spelling are mostly limited to non-formal
situations. If I find out that their formal writing in school and/or work is
just as bad, I’m gonna bang my head on my punching bag. For crying out loud,
some of the girls I see in Dating are either in college or working.
Judging
from how I see college students, both from the University of the Philippines
(UP) where I study and the smaller and less familiar universities where most of
the girls study, have mostly good grammar and spelling in their school work,
this might either strengthen my point that they don’t treat dating as Serious
Business or subvert my theory because
they’re intentionally using bad grammar and spelling as well as text lingo to
appeal to boys who are just as casually oriented as they are. Either way, I
think there’s hope for the high school students whose essays I saw were overly
simplistic or incomprehensible trash.
The
other reason why I maintained my usual good grammar and nerdy word choice is I
think it will repel the less intelligent girls who’ll just faint over the
“nosebleed”. If I go out of character, you bet that’ll also be Serious Business—I
put “intentional bad grammar” when I want to express boredom, disappointment,
sadness, or humor. But hey, at least I’m not talking like Miriel, right? I’d say I talk
in a mix of professor, thief, and anime voice actor.
I asked the science teacher who taught me in 8th grade about the essays she gets from her high school students and she replied that they indeed had great grammar and detail. Then again, many of the other students she teaches, including my former classmates in 8th grade, were exceptionally intelligent for their age.
Mobile
Legends: Bang Bang,
which I think is a clone of League of Legends (Riot
Games filed a lawsuit against Moonton), is wildly popular among the youth,
considering the mass availability of smart devices and the sheer popularity of
the Warcraft III map Defense of the Ancients (DoTA)
in the 2000s and early 2010s. The video game name I see in the vast majority of
dating profiles that mention gaming is Mobile Legends and boy are these girls
proud to say it. MOBAs are pretty much ingrained into Filipino culture.
(I'm kinda happy that my big brother quit DoTA years ago.)
Well
then, time to talk about more reasons why most dating profiles I see suck:
If You Want a Date, Git Gud!
This
is in no particular order because I suck at making a coherent narrative.
I
instantly reject those with either no description or a description that has no
valuable personality information (like only gibberish, emojis, contact
information, or a greeting). I’m not a psychologist or Sherlock Holmes so I
can’t identify someone’s personality from her face alone.
I hate alcohol.
No, not ethyl/isopropyl (i.e. rubbing) alcohol or water which I affectionately
refer to as “alcohol” to motivate me to drink it. I’m talking about the actual drinkable alcohol that causes drunkenness. Beer, whisky, brandy, vodka, rum,
you name it. So when I see someone with at least an “Occasionally” drinking
rate, I reject immediately. The word "occasional" is vague—I can
drink, say, two whole bottles a day and still call it "occasional".
(Actually, I'd rage-quit after a single shot.) And, for crying out loud, about 80% of the profiles I see admit to drinking occasionally. I’m pretty sure your
fingers didn’t slip by accident while making your profile. Is this indicative
of a cultural obsession with alcohol? I don’t know ‘cause I hate the taste.
Maybe they think drinking is sexy. (Thankfully, most profiles say they never
smoke. I sure as heck will never let one of these girls drive for me, though.)
Even
if I love drinking alcohol as much as I love gaming, I still wouldn't date
someone who drinks "occasionally". I'd get super bored once the girl
decides she doesn't like drinking after all.
Funny
thing is, Ephesians
5:18 NASB says
“And do not get drunk with wine, for that is dissipation, but be filled with
the [Holy] Spirit.” Yet these “occasional” drinkers are also Christian. Not so
Serious Business after all with your relationship with God, huh?
On a less negative note, though the icon for drinking in Dating is a goblet with a straw, which I associate with alcohol, the text next to it when editing the user's profile is "Drinking". Yes, just "drinking", not specifically "drinking alcohol".
Therefore, it's possible (though I haven't confirmed) that some of the girls who made their profiles took it literally, thinking it also includes drinking harmless drinks like water and fruit juice. It's extremely rare for me to see a girl who explicitly wants a partner who also drinks alcohol.
Side note: I greatly enjoy orange and pineapple juice, as well as iced tea.
Anyway, Christianity (including its denominations) is the dominant religion
in the Philippines, so Bible verses are included among the profiles with
“profound” quotes in them. I have no problem with most Bible content since I
sometimes use the Bible for self-improvement (even though I’m not religious),
but I like to support my use of quotes with either how the quotes have helped
me in my life or how I plan to use the quotes. My Hytale play
style part 3 has an example of me using Machiavelli’s quotes from The
Prince to develop a strategy to destroy my enemies. Plainly using a
quote without any of the two supportive things I mentioned above gives me the
impression of someone who is a tryhard, though not as much as someone who is
Stripperiffic.
Y'know,
I have some Bible study guides, so I feel like using some of 'em on these
Christians to secretly gauge how much they really know about the Bible...
About
a more specific type of quote: I see many profiles with quotes about “just
being happy”. I get that happiness is a natural human need, but different
people derive happiness from different things—some derive it from helping
others, while others derive it from mass murder. I get the impression of
someone who is hedonistic, selfish, complacent, or, to put it broadly, chaotic
neutral from
a “just be happy” quote. Again, support the quote with personal experiences or
plans. “Have faith in God and you’ll be happy” also works for me. (I think it's
obvious at this point that I derive my happiness from video games.)
Speaking
of supporting (or, as teachers say, “defending your answer”), when you say
you’re something like a nice person, it’s vague on its own, so prove it. Do you
give love unconditionally or do you expect something in return? I’d rather
give and receive the former in romance (but the latter for everything else
‘cause I’m a greedy mercenary). Do you respect your friends and family? (I know
I don’t respect my family and sometimes rage at my friends, which is why I
rarely “advertise” myself as a nice guy.) See my profile’s section and my blog
posts for proof of my powers and skills.
And
then there are the chubby women. Get them off me. Chubbiness is not something
to be proud of. Chubbiness is not only ugly—it gives me the impression of
laziness or lack of self-control/restraint. If I were in a relationship with a
chubby person, I’d give her Training
From Hell to
get her to lose weight...and possibly turn her into a Lightning
Bruiser like
me—Mike Tyson and Manny Pacquiao, who are both boxers, are considered Lightning
Bruisers by TV Tropes.
(I suppose "chubby" is significantly more common than "fat" or "mataba" (English: fat) because it's associated with babies. "Fat" is considered an insult.)
But
maybe I shouldn't be surprised by how many chubby women there are. According to
a study by Duante
et al. (2019),
30% of the 9,076 Filipinos surveyed were either overweight or obese. Like
D&D halflings, Filipinos love food...and
parties. Almost all Filipinos, including my family and I, eat their meals
alongside rice. Fast food restaurants, including McDonald's, were almost always
packed before the pandemic. Home parties often serve a whole roasted pig we
call lechon. The majority of profiles that mention a favorite food
to eat or cook include adobo, which I think is meat (usually
chicken or pork) drenched in soy sauce and cooked in a frying pan. And you
bet birthday parties will more often than not have a cake that's big enough to
serve multiple people. (I easily get stuffed by cake.)
Speaking
of ugliness, there are some who openly admit to being ugly in their
profiles…and have the face to show it. I don’t like this victim mentality
garbage. (Exhibit A: My paternal grandma.) Problem is, I don’t know about this
beauty stuff 'cause I'm blessed with good genetics so, I dunno, just take care
of your health and get a good-paying job or something so you can buy beauty
products. Not much I can do about ugliness caused by genetics, as far as I
know.
Speaking
of physical appearance, while I don’t like Stripperiffic girls, you still gotta
appeal even just a little bit to the gaze of the gender you’re aiming for.
Dress nicely, fix your hair, clean your face, all that good stuff. (I like my
hair flat—I think it makes me look more bishōnen, but my mom doesn’t
like it. I treat personal hygiene as Serious Business too.) When your body is
ready (Nintendo reference intended), pick a nice and bright background to take
your selfie in. (I used my Nikon D3400 DSLR camera, put a self-timer on it, and used the flash to take my profile picture in pitch-black darkness, but I’m
chill with smartphone shots.)
Problem
is, again with the laziness. Some pictures have such horribly dark backgrounds
that the viewer can’t properly gauge attractiveness because the cameras
auto-setting the ISO to their highest to compensate for the darkness causes
grainy photos…which still look dark anyway because some smartphones have
weaksauce maximum ISOs. Like, dude, if you don’t have a window or a yard, just
bring your quarantine pass, take a photo at the sidewalk in the daytime, and if
a cop catches you, tell them that you need the photo for photography class or
something. Bring someone who is obviously an adult with you just in case…and
I mean obviously an adult because some
young adults like me can be mistaken for teens.
Speaking
of photos, I hate seeing wacky shots. I get that they're culturally
“significant” among the youth (even my lawful
good and
prim-and-proper big brother does wacky shots), but wacky shots give me the
impression of someone who is...overly
rebellious.
And I find them disgusting, especially if the tongue is stuck out like, say, a
D&D ghast. I think some strippers
stick their tongues out to supposedly arouse “customers”, for lack of a better
word.
To
be honest, though, I don’t know how to take “funny” photos. I only know a tiny
bit of photography theory and most of the photos I see are intended to look
like fine arts, shocking/saddening scenes, or thrilling and adventurous scenes.
The only funny picture idea I had was taking a selfie at a garbage dump to mock
how youths take selfies spontaneously even if the backgrounds are mundane and
there’s no special occasion. My game dev friend and classmate Eya gave me a
funny caption for this photo idea: "Just a selfie of me in my natural
habitat #trash"
Some
don’t show their physical appearances at all, instead maybe using an artwork or
a screenshot from a cartoon. Their profiles besides their pictures are actually
good because they have proper grammar and spelling and they look honest with their interests, skills, and what they expect from a match, but the
lack of a proper picture may indicate a lack of confidence. I mean, I know I’m
a skilled problem-solver, but I’m building a Hytale team
because teamwork allows people to solve a wider variety of problems faster.
Don’t let down our romantic duo because of shyness—sometimes you have no choice
but to charge in and join the fray. Or, as I like to say, LEEROY
JENKINS!
(I’m not sure though if the girl hides her appearance for “privacy” reasons.)
Okay, fine, I’ve accepted them anyway so I can get to know them better.
Okay,
let’s move on to careers. This wouldn’t be a big deal for me...if only “The
Krusty Krab” and “Edi sa puso mo” (English: Eh, well, in your heart) weren’t so
prevalent! It’s a cliché that’s not funny anymore! This applies too to those
who studied at “Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry”. (Side note: Why work at the Krusty Krab if
you studied at Hogwarts? Shouldn’t you work at Diagon Alley or fight Death
Eaters or something rather than flipping Krabby Patties? You’d be better off
with a culinary course.)
Speaking of clichés, assuming these girls are not simply rolling with what's "trendy", I have a theory that they're unaware of these clichés because after making their profiles, they don't touch Facebook Dating until someone else likes their profiles. Men are traditionally the ones who initiate romance while the women receive it; again like how prehistoric men were hunters and women took care of the children. In Fire Emblem Heroes terms, men are player phase units while women are enemy phase units.
Another theory is the fear of rejection that comes with actively using Dating. It's easy for, say, Girl A to feel rejected when she sent a like to Guy B but hasn't received a reply from Guy B in a long time, or Guy B says the two are not right for each other. When Girl A waits for someone else to like her profile, she doesn't know if she has been rejected by "player phase units"; she might think others simply didn't see her profile among their random list of matches.
Then again, I have Asperger's syndrome so I don't fully understand neurotypical behavior. I'm an edgelord too so I value uniqueness. Also, I've probably rejected hundreds of girls already.
I’m
not sure which career I want my potential girlfriend to have, to be honest. At
the very least, though, I should pick someone whose career doesn’t
interfere with my values, if I interpreted Mark Manson correctly.
Soldiers and police officers are out because the lawful buggers may call me out
for “poisoning the youth” by being a game developer, plus the Drill Sergeant
Nasty potential. Artists like many of my classmates, entrepreneurs like my mom,
and scientists like my dad are okay.
In
addition to my brother Ivann’s rants about his lazy and stupid classmates, he
also says they’re obsessed with K-Pop to the point they know some Korean but
are terrible at both English and Filipino. That’s why I think when someone
knows Korean, it’s a red flag for me that suggests laziness and Crippling
Overspecialization. (I know I play video games too much, but hey, I plan
to make a living out of video games! And I write excessively long and complex posts like this
hot garbage!) If you really speak Korean, prove it by holding a conversation in
Korean with someone who’s fluent in Korean. Same goes for the other “trendy”
languages like French and Japanese. (Ivann is getting really good in German to the point I can’t understand what he says, yet he’s
still good at both English and Filipino. He knows a little Japanese and Spanish
too.)
Speaking
of Korea and a little similar to the Krusty Krab situation, many of the
profiles say the girls are from “Seoul, Korea” yet are clearly Filipino in
appearance, have English, Filipino, or Spanish names (or katakana-rendered names that translate to said English, Filipino, or Spanish names), and don’t speak straight
Korean (minus well-known words/phrases like “안녕하세요 annyeonghaseyo”), if not zero
Korean.
It’s
similar to being talked to about Pokémon and only responding
with Pikachu, Charizard, Ash Ketchum, and/or Pokémon GO.
You
do know there are other places in South Korea besides Seoul,
right? Just like Japan isn’t just Tokyo, France isn’t just Paris, and the
United States of America aren’t just California and New York?
This,
however, does not mean I’m encouraging others to make their lies more
convincing. Dishonesty in relationships can lead to disastrous
misunderstandings.
(Although
I can cook up a convincing lie, I won’t tell you how I’d do it, and I sure as
heck won’t actually publish such a lie...)
Why
am I seeing boys in my recommendations despite me specifically
stating I only want girls? I know it’s not a glitch, but you guys are sick in a
bad way. Why are you pretending to be women? I’d forgive you if your finger
slipped, but it’s hard for me to believe if you don’t change your gender upon
being reminded…
Speaking
of boys, I experimented by changing my recommendations from girls to boys just
to compare the differences in style of the profiles. Turns out, they suffer
from many of the same mistakes and pitfalls minus the chubbiness. I admit I
don’t like the typical appearances of male Filipinos since they mostly look to
me like construction workers with poor grooming (and probably a lack of
testosterone). The ones that don’t look like they’re trying too hard to look
like anime characters or K-Pop boyband members…and failing miserably. Well, at least there are
plenty of fish to catch for both boys and girls ‘cause I think standards for
romantic partners are low among the Filipino youth—I regularly saw lovey-dovey
young couples in public before the pandemic. Ivann had several classmates that
rushed their relationships. In ALS, one of the faculty said that “this is not a
place to get a boyfriend or girlfriend.” Oh well, I have kind of an “unfair”
advantage with my natural bishōnen appearance and my Child
Prodigy intelligence.
I'll say one good thing about some of the boys though: They're so confident, they're not afraid to be shirtless. Fat men seem a lot more rare than fat women, as far as I know. These men have some well-toned bodies. One good thing I like about Filipino culture is the love for basketball—barangays often had regularly packed street courts before the pandemic.
Speaking
of low relationship standards, the few profiles that do state
their standards usually mention “someone nice to talk to” or “looking for
a Mobile Legends teammate”. Buddy, there’s more to
relationships, both friendly and romantic, than just a smooth talker or skilled
gamer. I have rogue training so I know what it’s like to pretend to be someone
I’m not. Honesty is key. Plus, some gamers are both skilled and unsportsmanlike,
as with many of the Minecraft players I encountered as a
server moderator. I wouldn’t dare have such a G.I.F.T. case as a friend, let
alone a girlfriend.
I’ve
also never seen any sign of desiring intelligence on Facebook Dating, so I
might have to rethink the truthfulness of the Nerds
Are Sexy trope…
But that gets me thinking bad again. If the males I see on Facebook Dating and
hear from Ivann are as stupid as I think, then these girls are in big trouble.
Sure, they might be able to relate to each other if both know whatever
metagame Mobile Legends has—I sure as heck would relate with
someone who is knowledgeable about Kweebec
lore.
But when the time to prepare for a big and super serious date comes, good luck
if at least one of you thinks too much about how to make it grandiose and not
enough about how to manage the time or budget. (I sure as heck messed up my
fake date on my 17th birthday—I practically forced my former crush to do
something she did not value: playing video games.) And God forbid one of you
has to ask the other for homework help.
Suddenly,
I feel like going on a tactical meeting with a potential girlfriend... No, I
promise it has nothing to do with Hytale, which is almost always
the topic of discussion I start with BoltOLightnin and YoSquid.
Edit: I just found out what "sapiosexual" means, but profiles mentioning sapiosexuality are still rare. However, simply liking intelligence isn't enough. I need intelligence and good values.
Don’t
just say you’re a “simple person”. Say something unique about yourself. Most of
us are average Joes anyway. As Bulbasaur from MandJTV’s Pokémon Talk said to Squirtle when
Squirtle was making his profile, “You like to have fun? So does everyone else
on the planet! You might as well change that to ‘I have eyes.’” I mean, I’m a
tactician, so that counts, right?
I’m
not sure what to say about saying “I’m a flawed person.” On the one hand, it’s
something a Captain
Obvious would
say and is a sign of self-loathing that hardly tells the viewer any useful
information, but on the other hand, being honest with oneself and admitting
that one is flawed is a sign of vulnerability.
I
didn’t show off my big flaws because…okay, let’s get it out of the way: they’re
embarrassing. I don’t want to repel girls right off the bat by acting like I
have victim mentality. Women like strong and confident men. I prefer to reveal my flaws upon making a match and
having both of us get to know one another in our first conversation. I don’t
know if what I’m doing is right or not, but screw it, LEEROY JENKINS!
One
could argue that being roguish is a flaw, though because of my chaotic
neutral alignment, I consider it a huge
asset. Even though I’m told not to run, I run anyway because it helps me get my
job done faster while burning off my excess energy, allowing me to get back to
whatever I was doing earlier while honing my footwork for future runs. I’m
often good at pretending to be someone else so I don’t reveal things that might
harm my family’s security.
But
speaking of flaws, I don't like how the vast majority of profiles that mention
the flaws that the girls don't want have some variation of "cheater", "flaker", "pervert", or "Jerkass". I'd frankly be more surprised to see someone who likes at least one of those traits.
I prefer to mention flaws that...often slip past a lot of people's minds. There are people like Gordon Ramsay who use their Hair-Trigger Tempers for good, though I dislike Hair-Trigger Tempers nonetheless. I simply don't learn well around such a person unless I'm in the police or military.
Minor Complaints
These
are things in Dating profiles that I dislike but have minimal impact on whether
or not I match with someone.
I'm
glad they're rare, but so far, I've seen three profiles that show dislike of
President Rodrigo Duterte or those that support him. Note that disliking a
politician does not necessarily mean one is a bad person—I mean, my support
from him has neutralized due to some...questionable decisions he made like
choosing to keep a health department secretary who is withholding personal
protective equipment (PPE) deliveries. But more often than not, I find that
Duterte haters are also either leftists or "Dilawan" (literally
"of the Yellows"; i.e. a member or supporter of the Liberal Party
whose color symbol is yellow).
I
think leftists and the Dilawan more often than not have no idea what they're
raging about. There's nothing in the Anti-Terrorism Bill that suggests
punishing critics of the government. Any law, including the Anti-Terrorism Bill
(if it becomes a law), can be abused. Also, I believe Martin Luther King's
statement of judging by character and not skin color, so chill the firetruck
out about racism and focus on more important tasks...like self-improvement. :p
While
I openly dislike the left and the Liberal Party, I don't attempt to silence
those who support those two groups. I'm willing to make friends with them
(heck, I have one leftist friend), but I sure as heck don't want to have one as
a girlfriend because of the conflict of values. In other words, you're free to
express political views on Facebook Dating—I just don't wanna have someone who
conflicts with my values as a girlfriend.
Funny thing is, the vast majority of Filipinos support Duterte, yet I have never seen a profile that shows open dislike towards the Dilawan or the left.
Facebook
Dating is not the right place to advertise your business, buddy. You know how
ads, especially the ones on YouTube that interrupt videos, are annoying to many
people that view them? That's what I think your advertising profiles look like.
Make
a Facebook Page or something if you wanna advertise. Facebook Pages are specifically built for advertising. Or maybe just advertise on your own account
like I lazily do 'cause I suck at Facebook Pages.
(Okay,
I would advertise my blog to a newly-matched girl, though I'd
do it in a coherent way and I'd ask permission. For example, "You seem
very interested in Hytale. Mind if I share with you how I plan to
play the game when it comes out? I'm interested to know how you want to play as
well.")
One of the most answered questions I see is "The four emoji that best describe my personality are..." (For this part, I'll use Discord emoji names.)
More often than not, the answers contain at least one "joyful" or "loving" emoji like :rofl:, :joy:, or :heart_eyes: plus at least one "sad" or "mildly angry" emoji like :cry: or :unamused:. This implies a Mood-Swinger, which I think is common in female teens and young adults.
I'm not a fan of Mood-Swingers because of their, well, unpredictable moods, especially if they're not communicative about why their moods changed seemingly out of nowhere. Or maybe it's just me being mostly stuck in a state of neutrality and only changing my mood gradually for the most part...even when I was a little child and teenager. Maybe I need to work on my ability to deal with Mood-Swingers...
I answered the question...in what I think is an edgy way. I put :thinking:, :boxing_glove:, :video_game:, and :cloud_tornado:. The thinking emoji represents my abundant curiosity and...overpowering intelligence. The middle two are mostly self-explanatory, but other than that, boxing and video games are strong parts of my personality, not merely spare-time activities. The tornado represents my wind affinity—I'm swift and silent as a breeze and I can blow off (not literally) foes' held items through sheer power.
Another question is "My favorite topic of conversation is..." Mine is a plain, simple, and blatant "Hytale".
Many profiles state maybe 3 or more topics, which is unsurprising since, unlike Asperger's syndrome which is laser-focused on a few interests, typical people have a broad range of interests which I think vary in knowledge and intensity, though rarely reaching the super-enthusiastic level.
Then there's the answer "anything you like". This is where things get dangerous. Will you really chat about anything the other person likes if, say, you're a pacifist and the other is someone who believes that violence is sometimes the only solution? Okay, that's Up to Eleven. If you are a staunch non-gamer, how well will you relate with someone whose identity is largely formed by gaming? Are you willing to sacrifice much of your time and sanity just to be relatable with someone who's interested in something you're not and isn't a valuable life or career skill? Please don't.
Same thing goes with "The best thing I can cook is..." I wanna challenge these fools to cook something I like but is difficult. (I'll pay for the ingredients and search the recipe 'cause I'm not a total sadist. lololol)
I don't like filters. They also give me an impression of pretentiousness. This goes double for males.
(Okay, my picture has artificial red eyes when looked at from up close, but those are because I'm trying to be edgy. I lost the original image file. If I get a match, I'll tell her that I actually have brown eyes.)
I'm seeing a boatload of profiles that say they speak Thai, even though I've never seen or heard any Filipinos writing or speaking Thai, respectively, in real life. I get that both "Tagalog" and "Thai" start with T so there's a possibility that their fingers slipped, but some supposedly speak both Tagalog and Thai. Maybe they're just plain lazy and in a hurry.
Edit: I've seen one profile that mentions a liking to Thai movies.
Dude, why so much complaining?
Okay,
yes, I’m a Manchild. Just like the Manchild in CollegeHumor’s “Adulthood
vs. Childhood”,
I think video game art books look great on my coffee table (in particular, I
want the Edge magazine issue with Hytale in
it), took martial arts classes, and make ill-advised purchases like Nerf
blasters. (For breakfast, though, I prefer instant noodles, hash browns,
and pan de sal (salt bread). I’ve never had a milkshake.)
CollegeHumor
aside, I complain a lot about bad situations in everyday life, people’s
personalities, video games, and politics. As some readers have pointed out, I
vent out strong emotions in my blog posts, which I think is typical of
teenagers.
Okay,
back to romance. So much digressing, huh?
Now,
I admit there’s no such thing as a truly perfect romantic partner. All human
beings, even the really good ones, have flaws, and we have to acknowledge them
and remove/change them if possible.
There
are slightly bad flaws and there are extremely dangerous flaws. Obviously,
“extremely dangerous” is out of the window for a relationship of any friendly
or romantic level (unless you’re a supervillain lololol). The slightly bad
flaws can be harmful to oneself or others, albeit to a small extent and can be
accepted and mitigated fairly easily.
Because
of my high standards for relationships of any kind, especially the romantic
kind, the flaws that others would consider “bad but acceptable” are ones I
would consider a massive danger zone. Why am I extremely serious about honesty?
Because I don’t enjoy this “playing hard-to-get” garbage, among other personal
life stories that are too sensitive to be written here. Why the seriousness
about laziness? Because if one side is lazy, the relationship feels unbalanced
and more like a butler-and-master relationship. And, as good as I am at being a
butler, I don't enjoy it.
And
I don’t want to screw up like I did with my former crush. As much as I don’t
like how super busy she randomly is as a Go-Getter Girl, how she prefers
texting over calling, and how she’s not a gamer (like many other girls I meet),
it was my fault for chasing her despite knowing all those traits in the first
place.
Side Notes
- I’ve yet to attempt a romance
with a girl who is roughly my age and enthusiastic about Hytale.
If I do get one, I’d finally be able to unleash the overwhelming knowledge
I’ve stored in my brain like ill-advised purchases.
Unfortunately, mentioning Minecraft gives many Filipinos I meet such bare-bones responses as “You build stuff?” to which I respond with combat-related topics that boggle their minds or simply avert their interest. It’s about as bad as me saying I like Pokémon then being responded to with “Is Pikachu your favorite Pokémon?” before they get completely stumped when I mention Gallade. The conversation almost always switches to MOBAs regardless of whether or not the other person is a gamer—in the case of game development conversations, I get asked, “Will you make the next Mobile Legends?” Short answer: Never. - Bonus points if my romantic partner knows martial arts. I’m getting bored of punching
nothing but thin air and inanimate objects...and she won’t be The Load when I fight bad guys in real life.
- Interestingly, when I pick a waifu in media like Fire Emblem that has a lot of Action Girls, I only pick an Action Girl. In worlds where enemies are all over the place, I can't afford to have my waifu take a potshot from a mook.
- Living alone in at least an
upper-middle-class house and having a lucrative job are bonus traits. I
don’t wanna deal with the possibility of my romantic partner moving out of
the city, or even worse, out of the country to seek a better life. A lot
of relationships end this way, including Domics’s relationship with “Erin Kim”. I’m not prepared to spend
money just to move out and live near my girlfriend again. Wolfychu is crazy lucky to have had the money to
move from Europe to Australia to live permanently with her boyfriend Jordan Sweeto.
- Don't tell my parents, but I'm learning Japanese so I can use it as an "in your face" to morons who claim to know Japanese. What my parents know is that I'm a fan of Yandere Simulator.
- Supposedly some of the girls' profiles say they're Wattpad writers, and a handful provided links to their Wattpad works. I forgot to copy them (dang it), but if I run into another link, I'll read the Wattpad piece for some juicy, juicy intel... Mwahahahaha!
- I haven't run into any Wattpad links in months, but I have run into YouTube channels. All of them so far were created at most 2 months ago with only 2 to 8 videos. Frankly, it's hard for me to sympathize with their beginner skills because I'm an Insufferable Genius, but their intros are way too long--20 to 30 seconds of overly simple animation that can be generally broken down to "Channel name. Lazy picture(s) and background. Like, comment, subscribe, and hit that notification bell!"
If I did a YouTube intro animation, it'd have a white background, some stylized text saying "LUNATICTACTICIAN" to the left, and a cartoon drawing of my Author Avatar holding a spear on the right. He would raise his spear then strike the ground with it for 2 seconds before cutting to the rest of the video.
Anyway, I commented on some of the videos with...follow-up questions and nerdy advice where I bragged I've been blogging for 2 years. Condescending, I know, but screw it, LEEROY JENKINS!
